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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095552">You Feel Like Home To Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae'>justyrae</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Little Mix (Band), One Direction (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 12:42:46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23095552</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyrae/pseuds/justyrae</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>All Louis wants to be is a good dad. Somewhere along the way, he realizes that maybe that's not <i>all</i> he wants.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Perrie Edwards/Louis Tomlinson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Part One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearmrsawyer/gifts">dearmrsawyer</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>THE DAY IS FINALLY HERE TWO YEARS IN THE MAKING!!! this fic has truly been a labor of love and i owe it all to my dear, sweet jamila. thank you so much for sharing your wonderful idea with me and letting me be the one to write it for you &lt;3</p><p>(also pls forgive any mistakes i've made when it comes to milestones with kids - the only tiny human i have in my life is 3 years old and i based some things off of my experience with them and otherwise i just made a bunch of shit up)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's not like Louis hadn't imagined what having his first child would be like. He'd thought about it a lot over the years, starting back when Lottie was first born. His mum had thought it was sweet how he'd pretend like Lottie was his own, carrying her around so carefully and doting on her every chance he got. Although he was always quick to pass her off to his mum if she started screaming or got a bit smelly.</p>
<p>His vision of the future included a big family, he always knew that. He wanted a wife, a family, a big house for them all to be together in; the whole nine yards. Being in One Direction sort of pushed it off to the side for a while, although it definitely made the dream of a big house more feasible. Louis started thinking about buying one close by for his mum too, so she'd always be around if he needed her.</p>
<p>But even Louis has to admit, when he thought about having a family he certainly didn't expect it to begin like it did. He didn't think one night would turn his life upside down and put everything into a perspective he hadn't even known was there.</p>
<p>And now he's got little Freddie. A tiny human who needs him every minute of every day. There's no passing him off to his mum, because she's in Doncaster and they're in LA. There's no wife because even if Louis had that fleeting thought of proposing to Briana for Freddie's sake, she didn't want it. She hadn't planned to have a baby so young, and she just didn't want everything that came along with it.</p>
<p>Louis understood her reasoning in theory. He couldn't blame her in the least, especially not after all of the attention the two of them garnered after the news broke. She wanted to go back to her normal life, and that life didn't include Louis or Freddie.</p>
<p>But from the first moment he saw Freddie, he was all in. Here was this perfect being and Louis just felt <em>lucky</em> to have him.</p>
<p>Now that it's been a month since Freddie came home from the hospital, Louis still feels just as lucky. He's just a bit tired, is all. Taking care of Freddie is a full time job in itself, and while Louis has all the money in the world for excellent child care, it's just not the same. He wishes he had somebody to share this with, someone who <em>really</em> wanted to share it, not just collect a paycheck.</p>
<p>Of course, he's had his family around to visit and see Freddie, and the lads too. All of them coo and coddle and dote on him as much as Louis does. It fills the hole that Louis feels more and more with each day that passes, but never for long and certainly not forever.</p>
<p>More than once, usually in the wee hours of the morning when Freddie's having a rough time sleeping, he's thought about Eleanor. When they were together, Louis' family dream had always included her by his side. He thinks about reaching out sometimes, seeing if she'd like to come to LA and see the two of them, but he never does. He always talks himself out of it, telling himself that it's too much. Asking Eleanor to help him raise a child he had with another woman is just selfish. She's been through enough already just by being his girlfriend; all the torment she'd had to endure would undoubtedly get worse, wouldn't it?</p>
<p>Louis never meant to hurt her. And he certainly won't do it again. He can do this on his own. He can raise Freddie to be better than he is. Louis just… hasn't quite figured out how, yet.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Freddie's down for a nap when it happens. Louis is seriously thinking about having a nap too but there's also an enormous mess scattered around the house that needs tending to without an almost two-month-old around. He's in the kitchen cleaning up the remains of his own somewhat disastrous breakfast - he'd had a rough go of it with Freddie's bottle this morning and in turn managed to burn several pieces of toast and spill coffee all over the counter - when his phone goes off so loudly it not only scares him but for a few seconds he's legitimately worried the noise might've woken up Freddie.</p>
<p>He grabs the baby monitor, his heart pounding as he checks the tiny screen. Freddie's still fast asleep and Louis breathes a sigh of relief, setting the monitor back down onto the counter and reaching for his phone instead.</p>
<p>It's a text from a phone number he doesn't recognize, but the country code is from England. He tries to remember if he'd gotten any emails from the boys or anyone in his family letting him know they'd gotten a new phone number, but he comes up short. For a split second, he's struck with a slight panic because he thinks <em>what if it's Zayn</em>?</p>
<p>Louis shakes his head firmly and unlocks his phone, bringing up the message anyway. There's no harm in reading it; it might just be a wrong number.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>hey louis! it's perrie</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis laughs to himself, his heart rate returning to normal after reading just four words. He'd been so quick to jump to conclusions; maybe he really does need a nap, if only to reset his brain.</p>
<p><em><strong>i'm in la</strong></em>, the message continues, <em><strong>and i was wondering if i could see you?</strong></em></p>
<p>He reads it over a few times as though to make sure he's actually reading it correctly. He can't really remember the last time he <em>saw</em> Perrie, let alone talked to her. It's a bit odd that she's reaching out to him like this, especially now after everything that's happened with Zayn.</p>
<p><em><strong>hey!</strong></em> Louis groans as he types; this feels <em>so stupid</em>. <em><strong>sure, i'm at home with little freddie. you're welcome to come here if you like?</strong></em></p>
<p>"Stupid," he grumbles to himself as he turns the volume down on his phone and sets it back down on the counter. As he runs his hand down his face, he wonders if this is all some sort of elaborate plan to get him to speak to Zayn again.</p>
<p>It's been months of radio silence between the two of them and Louis certainly isn't going to be the one to break it. He's always liked Perrie, but if she's going to try and get them to apologize to one another or whatever, then she'll wear out her welcome right quick.</p>
<p>His phone pings again, much softer this time to Louis' relief, and he opens her reply.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>little freddie!! i'd love to! i could be by in about an hour if that's ok?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p><em><strong>he'll be up from his nap then, perfect.</strong></em> Louis adds his address to the end of the message and sends it off. This time when he sets his phone down, he goes right back to tidying up.</p>
<p>His mind, on the other hand, doesn't let it go so easily.</p>
<p>The rational side tries to reason that if she were planning something, she'd be upfront about it. She would've said "we" instead of "I" at the very least. But the irrational side just won't let it go. Louis knows Zayn lives in LA. He knows that Zayn and Perrie are together. Perrie texting him out of the blue can't be a coincidence. There has to be a reason.</p>
<p>He keeps trying to come up with any other reason as he tidies up the rest of the house. He's nearly done and thinking maybe he could get a few minutes of sleep in when he hears Freddie's telltale cry. He rushes into the bedroom and picks him up, soothing him with soft words as he bounces a little from one foot to the other.</p>
<p>"Did you have a good nap, Fred?" Louis asks softly as he takes Freddie into the kitchen for a post-nap bottle.</p>
<p>He's not expecting a response from Freddie, but it warms his heart all the same when Freddie looks right at him after he's spoken. Of course, two seconds later, Freddie yawns widely and closes his eyes again and Louis chuckles under his breath.</p>
<p>"Sleepy little thing," he murmurs softly as he cradles Freddie against his chest. Freddie stays quiet as Louis warms up his bottle, but when it comes time to eat, Freddie gets a little fussy.</p>
<p>Louis tries out all the tricks his mum taught him during the week she was here after Freddie was first born and tries not to wonder about what the hell he's going to do if Freddie won't take his bottle. The doctors were very adamant about tiny babies needing to eat every few hours and Louis is <em>not </em>going to screw this up.</p>
<p>Thankfully Freddie eventually latches onto the bottle and Louis can breathe a sigh of relief. He's just finishing up the last bit of formula when the doorbell goes off, which is both good and bad. On the one hand, Louis won't have to try and open the door while still feeding Freddie, but on the other, he may have to open the door with a shirt covered in Freddie's spit up.</p>
<p>"Alright, Fred," Louis says gently as he pats Freddie's back on the way to the door.</p>
<p>True to form, Freddie spits up on his shoulder and what feels like half of it misses the rag Louis put there specifically for that reason.</p>
<p>"Great," Louis mutters as he tries to maneuver Freddie into a better position so he can have a free hand to open the door while also wiping his face off so at least one of them isn't completely disgusting when Perrie first sees them.</p>
<p>Louis takes one final deep breath before he pulls the door back and finds Perrie standing on the other side. All it takes is one look for Louis to know there's no ulterior motive.</p>
<p>"Hi," she says, letting out a soft laugh before her breath catches and her eyes well up with tears.</p>
<p>"Hi," Louis replies in a gentle tone. "What's wrong?"</p>
<p>"Umm…" Perrie laughs shakily and nervously tucks her hair behind her ear. "You see… I…" She clears her throat and looks down at her feet. "Zayn just broke up with me."</p>
<p>Louis stares at her open-mouthed. He has absolutely no idea what to say. He even forgets he's got Freddie in his arms until Perrie switches her attention from him to Freddie, putting on a smile as she says a gentle hello to him.</p>
<p>"You must be Freddie," she says in the same sort of tone everyone uses on a baby. Louis hears it in his own voice all the time; there's no stopping it.</p>
<p>Freddie coos a little and opens his eyes to look at her when she carefully touches his arm. Perrie laughs softly at the sight, while Louis suddenly snaps back into reality and remembers his manners.</p>
<p>"Sorry, he's… uh… a little sticky." He steps aside and ushers Perrie inside. "C'mon in and I'll, uhh, get him cleaned up."</p>
<p>"Looks like you might need a bit of cleaning up as well," Perrie jokes as Louis turns his back to her. He remembers Freddie's spit-up and laughs, turning to the side so he can look back at her as they walk.</p>
<p>"Fred was obviously so excited to meet you he couldn't contain himself," he says, smiling when Perrie laughs again. "D'you mind if I…?"</p>
<p>He gestures towards another room and Perrie waves him off.</p>
<p>"Of course, I can wait here, if you want."</p>
<p>"Make yourself at home," Louis tells her. "Just… sorry about the mess."</p>
<p>"Louis," she says carefully, "you've got a baby, it's alright."</p>
<p>"Right," Louis replies, letting out a long breath afterwards. "Back in a minute."</p>
<p>Louis is distracted, to say the least. His head sort of feels like it's spinning a bit as he tries to focus on changing Freddie's onesie. He's trying to remember the last time he saw Perrie and Zayn together and he can't. He knows it had to have been well over a year ago, before Zayn left the band and everything got so unbelievably weird between them. He thought they were happy.</p>
<p><em>Well</em>, a cruel voice in the back of his mind speaks up, <em>you thought you and Eleanor were happy, too.</em></p>
<p>"That's enough of that," Louis says, making a funny face at Freddie as he gently runs his finger along the curve of Freddie's cheek. Freddie knocks his little fist against Louis' hand and Louis can't help but smile, forgetting all the negative thoughts that were threatening to take over his mind only moments ago.</p>
<p>He picks Freddie up off the changing table only to put him in the center of his bed, making sure to build a fortress of pillows around him <em>just</em> in case he decides to learn to roll over in the next thirty seconds.</p>
<p>Louis carefully removes his own shirt so as to not spread any of the spit-up from it to his actual body, and roots around in his closet for a clean one. His closet is starting to look a bit scarce which means the pile of laundry in the corner that he's been ignoring for ages may actually have to be tackled soon or else both he and Freddie will be wandering around the house in their birthday suits.</p>
<p>After finding a suitable shirt and pulling it on over his head, Louis goes back to the bed to pick Freddie up again. But instead of heading out the door and back to the living room where he left Perrie, Louis sits down at the foot of the bed and cradles Freddie in his arms.</p>
<p>He's dawdling and he knows it. He needs to just go back out there and let Perrie tell her side of the story; god knows it's the only side he's going to get. And she came <em>here</em> for a reason. The least he can do is act like a decent friend.</p>
<p>Still… there's just something so weird about all of this and Louis can't just push it aside. He has to tell somebody first.</p>
<p>But who? His mum would probably call him up instead of just answering a text, so he can't text her. He can't imagine any of his sisters would really understand the gravity of the situation, so they're out as well. Liam might get it, but then again Zayn's departure left a mark on him that Louis isn't keen to reopen. And Harry, well… that's a whole other story. But there's always Niall.</p>
<p>He carefully pulls his phone out of his pocket and opens up a blank text, but then he hesitates. This isn't even his news to tell; what is he doing? What would he even <em>say</em>?</p>
<p>The seconds are ticking by faster and faster. He has to make a decision; text Niall or don't. Either way, he has to leave his bedroom in the next two minutes.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>perrie's here</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis lets out a long breath, silently cursing himself as he sends the text off to Niall and stands up from the bed. Niall probably won't even answer for hours, maybe even a whole day. Louis immediately feels stupid for having agonized over a text to someone who's halfway around the world somewhere, probably drunk on a beach or something.</p>
<p>"Your dad's an idiot, Fred," he says as he gets up from the bed, pressing a kiss to Freddie's forehead before he walks out of the bedroom.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Louis expects to find Perrie in the living room, so he's all prepared to apologize for taking so long with getting changed. Only, when he steps into the room, she's not there. Louis stands still, open-mouthed and wholly confused for a moment until he hears the kitchen sink running and he crosses the living room.</p>
<p>He finds her standing at the sink with a sponge in one hand and the other stuck in the pile of dirty dishes sitting on the counter.</p>
<p>"You don't have to--"</p>
<p>Perrie jumps at the sound of his voice, almost dropping the bowl in her hands. She manages to catch it and put it back on the counter before she clutches at her chest and the both of them laugh.</p>
<p>"You nearly gave me a heart attack," she says, breathing hard as she sets the sponge down.</p>
<p>"Sorry," Louis replies sheepishly. "But you really don't have to--"</p>
<p>"I don't mind," Perrie says quickly, glancing at the dishes. "You've got your hands full, after all. It's the least I could do."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but--"</p>
<p>"Sorta helps take my mind off things," she says, her voice softer this time as she stares down at her feet.</p>
<p>Louis looks at her with a frown. He decides in seconds to put Freddie down in the little bassinet he keeps in the kitchen, takes the kitchen towel hanging on the oven door handle, and swings it over his shoulder.</p>
<p>"I won't say no to a bit of help," he tells her, gently touching her shoulder. "You wash, I'll dry."</p>
<p>Perrie beams at him, the sad look fading quickly despite the tears in her eyes. It warms Louis' heart to see her smile, even though he knows inside she must be just absolutely falling apart.</p>
<p>They make idle chit chat as they work through the pile of dishes, mostly involving Perrie asking questions about Freddie and Louis being more than happy to tell her absolutely everything. He hasn't had too many visitors since his mum went back to England after the first week Freddie was home, and he realizes how much he's missed talking to another person who isn't only a month old.</p>
<p>As soon as the last dish is dried and put away, however, a slight awkwardness slips back into the room and neither seems to know how to continue the conversation any further. Louis rubs his hands together in an anxious sort of manner after he hangs the kitchen towel to dry; his eyes dart around the kitchen as though he's hoping for some sort of inspiration to strike.</p>
<p>"D'you want something to drink?" he asks, already heading for the fridge before Perrie answers.</p>
<p>"Uhh, sure," she replies, and Louis gratefully turns his attention to the rather depressing contents of his refrigerator. There's a whole shelf dedicated to Freddie's formula, but other than that it's really rather sparse.</p>
<p>"I have… milk?" Louis grabs the carton and takes a look at the date, immediately shoving it back into the fridge. "Might be a bit dodgy. There's also… water?" He turns back to Perrie and shrugs his shoulders. "I could also make tea, or coffee, I think I have some--"</p>
<p>"Tea's fine," Perrie answers. "Really, don't make a fuss."</p>
<p>"I'll just get the kettle."</p>
<p>There's another awkward moment when Louis is filling the kettle up at the sink, where he's standing close to her but neither of them say a word. Louis tries to smile at her but it feels a bit forced and slightly creepy, so he instead stares down at the kettle and wills it to fill up as quickly as possible.</p>
<p>Once he clicks on the kettle and sets out a pair of mugs, he tries to think about whether or not he's ever actually been alone with Perrie before. He thinks back to when she's come visit Zayn on tour, or come to events with the whole band, or even the few times they'd all be together when they were off tour. Louis can't think of a single instance where it was just him and Perrie. </p>
<p>He takes a moment before he turns around to face Perrie, who's still standing in the same place but she's got a nervous air about her. It's clear this is just as weird for her as it is for him, though he can't say he doesn't sort of understand why she came to <em>him</em> of all people.</p>
<p>"So," Louis starts, only he doesn't have a clue where to go from there.</p>
<p>"So," Perrie echoes. She takes a step closer to the kitchen island and leans on it, propping her chin up in her hands as her elbows touch the countertop. "Should I start, or should I wait for tea?"</p>
<p>Louis laughs a little, feeling slightly relieved that Perrie's broken the tension in the room. He knows that once she starts talking it'll become serious and he'll have to pay proper attention, but for the moment it really just feels like two old friends catching up.</p>
<p>"It's up to you," he answers honestly. "If you wanted, we could wait for tea and then go into the living room. Might be more comfortable than standing around the kitchen."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Perrie replies softly. "That might be better."</p>
<p>Lucky for them, the kettle doesn't take too long. It shuts itself off and Louis pours the hot water into the mugs, offering one to Perrie so they can move rooms while their tea steeps.</p>
<p>"I'll take both," she says as she reaches for the other in Louis' hand, "and you can get the little one."</p>
<p>Louis suddenly remembers that Freddie is indeed in the room with them. He hasn't made a peep since Louis put him down, which isn't altogether odd but Louis feels a bit stupid for having momentarily forgotten that it wasn't just him and Perrie in the room.</p>
<p>"Right," he says, clearing his throat as he reaches into Freddie's bassinet and cradles him against his chest. He slides the bassinet to one side with his foot so it's out of their way, and Perrie follows him into the living room.</p>
<p>The thing is, there isn't another bassinet in the living room. Most of the time in the living room is spent with Louis laid out on the couch and Freddie curled up on his chest. They even spend the occasional night on the couch, mostly when Freddie's already asleep and Louis can't be arsed to get up.</p>
<p>Louis hesitates when they reach the couch. Normally he'd just lie down and get Freddie comfortable on his chest, but that's a bit rude when there's another person in the room. He opts to sit up straight instead and hold Freddie in his arms close to his lap, while Perrie sets their mugs down on the coffee table and takes the open seat at the other end of the couch.</p>
<p>Freddie starts fussing before either of them can say anything, and Louis panics a little. He wonders if Freddie, even at his incredibly young age, is picking up on the odd vibes that he's certain both he and Perrie are contributing to. Or maybe Freddie's simply being a baby and he's just fussy.</p>
<p>"You're so good with him," Perrie marvels as Louis gently rocks Freddie and whispers soothing words. Louis looks at her and sees tears in her eyes again.</p>
<p>"D'you want to hold him?" he asks. Freddie's not crying, he seems to just be making noises for the sake of making them.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis assures her. "He might like a few minutes away from his dad."</p>
<p>"He seems pretty happy that you're the one holding him," Perrie replies, but Louis scoffs a little as he offers Freddie to her. "You're sure?"</p>
<p>"Yes, go on. You won't break him."</p>
<p>Perrie carefully takes Freddie out of Louis' arms, cradling his head with one hand and tucking her other arm under his little body. It appears so natural that Louis stays entirely silent, which he's never done. Nearly everyone else (besides Louis' mum, of course) who's held Freddie needed a few tips before they found a comfortable position for both themselves and Freddie.</p>
<p>"Hi, Freddie," Perrie whispers. "Aren't you a handsome little lad."</p>
<p>Louis relaxes as he watches Perrie interact with Freddie. He settles back into the couch, sliding down in a more comfortable position for the first time in ages since he hasn't got a tiny human in his arms. It seems as though Freddie's the best sort of distraction for Perrie, because from the moment she took him in her arms she stopped looking like she was about to cry.</p>
<p>"D'you want him back?" she asks, hardly taking her eyes off Freddie.</p>
<p>"You can have him as long as you like," Louis replies, offering her a warm smile when she glances at him.</p>
<p>"You might not get him back," she says in a sing-song tone. "Hard to be sad when you've got an adorable baby in your arms." Freddie waves one arm around a little and Perrie laughs as she gently takes it in her hand. "Yes it is!"</p>
<p>"Do you…" Louis sighs a little, wishing what he was about to ask didn't feel so awkward, "...want to talk about it?"</p>
<p>Perrie sighs heavily, her eyes still fixed on Freddie. Louis waits for her to answer rather than speaking again. Whatever she's got to say certainly can't be easy to talk about; if there's anything Louis knows for certain, it's that.</p>
<p>"Probably should," she says quietly a minute later. "That's what I came here for, isn't it?"</p>
<p>"No pressure," Louis replies in a similar tone.</p>
<p>Now that he thinks about it, Louis hasn't really talked about his own issues with Zayn with anyone since it happened. He and the other lads discussed a few things here and there but it was all mostly band-related or a few outbursts of anger. No big sit-downs where they all expressed their feelings about things or anything like that. Louis just bottled it up and told himself that it didn't matter that he'd just lost one of his best friends.</p>
<p>Still, he can't imagine that breaking up with a friend is worse than breaking up with a fiancé.</p>
<p>It takes a little while longer for Perrie to open up. Louis doesn't say anything while she gathers herself, still paying such close attention to Freddie while he's in her arms. Louis lets himself relax more than he has since Freddie was born. Even though she's only been holding him for five minutes, Louis implicitly trusts her with his son.</p>
<p>He hasn't done that with anyone outside of his family; he can't be sure he'd do that with any of the lads. None of them have come around yet, not for lack of wanting. They're all busy with their own things, Louis knows that, and he never has the time to think about it all that hard since he's got to keep both eyes on Freddie every waking moment of the day.</p>
<p>"I just…" Perrie starts quietly, bringing Louis back to the moment at hand rather than getting lost in his own thoughts. "I didn't see it coming."</p>
<p>Louis doesn't know what to say. In a flash, he thinks back to when he broke up with Hannah all those years ago, and then more recently with Eleanor and even Briana. Every one of those relationships had reached an obvious end point, whether he'd wanted to admit it or not. He's never been blindsided by a breakup.</p>
<p>"I keep thinking that I should've, y'know?" Perrie continues. "Like, maybe if I'd actually listened to all of those rumors, all of the people telling me what sort of things he was getting up to when I wasn't around, then maybe--"</p>
<p>"That's not your fault," Louis interrupts. He can't bear to witness Perrie go down that rabbit hole. Hindsight is an absolute bitch, and this isn't her fault.</p>
<p>"Isn't it, though?" Perrie asks. Her voice wavers slightly and Freddie makes a silly sort of gurgling sound that brings a smile to her face.</p>
<p>"It's not," Louis assures her.</p>
<p>"I wasn't enough," she says quietly. She takes a deep breath, exhaling shakily as she turns looks away from both Louis and Freddie for the first time. She quickly wipes a thumb under her eyes before she turns back to Freddie and smiles at him as she gently plays with his tiny hands.</p>
<p>"Perrie--"</p>
<p>"Can we…" she interrupts, swallowing hard before she speaks again, "can we not talk about it, actually? I don't think I'm ready, just yet."</p>
<p>"Sure," Louis replies. "Whatever you need."</p>
<p>"Thanks," she says, looking at him for a few seconds with a soft smile before she turns her attention back to Freddie.</p>
<p>Silence follows, interrupted only by the occasional sounds Freddie makes and Perrie's soft cooing in return. She doesn't say a word to Louis and he doesn't speak either. He just doesn't even know where he'd start to try and make her feel better. He's not even sure he can be the one to do it.</p>
<p>Entirely by accident though not entirely surprising for a new dad who's been given a bit of a break, Louis ends up falling asleep. It's a dreamless, restful sleep that only lasts around forty minutes or so, but when he wakes up Perrie and Freddie have disappeared from the other end of the couch.</p>
<p>As would happen with any other parent, Louis goes right into panic mode. It lasts for about five seconds, because as soon as he gets to his feet he hears Perrie's voice coming from the kitchen. He stops moving for a moment and listens hard, and realizes that she's <em>singing</em>.</p>
<p>He makes his way to the kitchen as quietly as possible and hangs back in the doorway, watching Perrie as she slowly dances around the room with Freddie cradled close to her chest.</p>
<p>"Just remember," she sings softly, "you're the one thing I can't get enough of. So I'll tell you something, this could be love…"</p>
<p>Louis bites down on his bottom lip to keep from laughing as he reaches into his pocket for his phone, ignoring the notifications on his screen in favor of bringing up the camera app and taking a couple of photos. He attaches them all to a text to Perrie and presses send just as he steps across the threshold of the kitchen.</p>
<p>Perrie's halfway through the chorus when her phone goes off, but when she turns around to check it she sees Louis instead. A startled laugh interrupts her singing, but she keeps bouncing from one foot to the other to keep Freddie calm.</p>
<p>"Have a nice nap, you creeper?" she teases gently as Louis leans down on the kitchen island and smiles at her.</p>
<p>"I did, thank you very much. Freddie's been enjoying your singing, I see."</p>
<p>Perrie's cheeks go a little bit pink as she adjusts her hold on Freddie, cradling him in her arms instead of against her chest.</p>
<p>"I watched Dirty Dancing last night, the song's been stuck in my head all day." She shakes her head. "Freddie likes it, though."</p>
<p>"Course he does. He's been having to listen to his dad's awful singing voice for ages, now."</p>
<p>"Stop that," Perrie waves her hand at him, "you've got a lovely voice."</p>
<p>Louis chuckles softly and shrugs his shoulders. "Sorry I fell asleep on you."</p>
<p>"It's alright, I don't imagine you get enough sleep these days."</p>
<p>"You're probably right," Louis chuckles again. "D'you, umm, are you hungry or--"</p>
<p>"Actually," Perrie makes her way around the island and gently puts Freddie down in his bassinet. "I should probably get going."</p>
<p>"Oh, yeah, of course." Louis shoves his hands in his pockets, feeling a bit awkward now that neither of them are holding Freddie. There's a tension in the air that wasn't there a moment ago, and Louis doesn't know how to feel about it.</p>
<p>"Thanks for letting me come over and see Freddie," Perrie says as she picks her phone up off the island and looks at the photos Louis had texted to her.</p>
<p>"Hope you don't mind," Louis says as he leans forward slightly to look at them with her. "Thought you might like having a couple with the little lad."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Perrie answers, smiling brightly at him. "You might have a career as a photographer, y'know."</p>
<p>"Shut up," Louis says, laughing as he rolls his eyes. Perrie reaches over and hugs him, taking him by surprise. He carefully puts his arms around her and hugs her back, letting her hold onto him for as long as she needs to.</p>
<p>"Sorry," she says softly after she's pulled away. "Thanks again, I--"</p>
<p>"Any time," he says, gently interrupting her again. "You're always welcome."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, of course." Louis nods towards the bassinet. "Freddie likes you, obviously. We'd love to have you back whenever you like."</p>
<p>Perrie smiles again as she looks back at Freddie and then again at Louis. "I'd like that."</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Louis doesn't look at his phone again until later that night after he's put Freddie down to sleep. It doesn't occur to him to check his notifications before then; after Perrie leaves it's just him and Freddie in the house again and Freddie takes priority over everything.</p>
<p>He settles on the couch once more with the baby monitor set up on the side table next to his arm, a beer in one hand and his phone in the other. He scrolls aimlessly through Instagram and Twitter for a few moments before he remembers his notifications from earlier, and switches over to his messages.</p>
<p>He clicks on the one from his mum first, telling her he's doing great with Freddie and sending her a few more recent photos of the little lad from this week. He sends the same photos to the group chat with his sisters, knowing they'll all appreciate seeing them whenever they wake up. There are a few texts he can ignore, they're from industry people and whatever they're contacting Louis for can't be <em>that</em> urgent if they're texting him. He should probably check his email sometime soon, though.</p>
<p>Louis scrolls through his inbox and finds that there's a reply from Niall to the text he sent earlier in the day. He sits up a little straighter on the couch and sets his beer down as he clicks on the message thread, seeing Niall sent a few texts in succession.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>perrie? like zayn's perrie?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>not that i know of any other perries but just makin sure</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>what's she there for?? is zayn there too?</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>The last text came through several hours ago, but Louis isn't entirely sure where in the world Niall is at the moment. He decides to take a chance and reply in the hopes that Niall's still awake, wherever he is.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>yeah, that's the one. she's not zayn's anymore, they broke up. that's why she came over.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis pauses for a moment as he tries to think of what to write next. His text was purposefully vague but he can't imagine that Niall isn't going to ask for further details, so now Louis actually has to come up with some.</p>
<p>Niall, as it turns out, is very much awake and doesn't feel like waiting for Louis to text again because less than a minute after pressing send, Louis' phone lights up with a call.</p>
<p>"Shouldn't you be asleep?" Louis asks in a slightly confused voice. He'd been hopeful that Niall was still awake but he hadn't actually counted on it.</p>
<p>"I could ask you the same thing, idiot," Niall replies with a laugh.</p>
<p>"Where even are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm around," Niall answers vaguely. Louis rolls his eyes but doesn't ask again. "So. Perrie."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"How'd that happen?"</p>
<p>"What d'you mean?"</p>
<p>"Well, it's Perrie." Niall pauses for a moment and Louis stays silent. "It's <em>Perrie</em>."</p>
<p>"Saying her name over and over isn't really helping your point, Niall."</p>
<p>"I don't really know what else to say, Lou. All you said earlier was Perrie's here and then like six hours later you tell me she and Zayn broke up so it's not like you've given me a whole lot to go on."</p>
<p>"You know about as much as I do," Louis replies honestly. "She was going to tell me but then every time she started to talk about it, she'd get all weepy."</p>
<p>"So she just came over to yours and cried?"</p>
<p>"Well, sort of, but--"</p>
<p>"Why you?"</p>
<p>Louis sighs. "I don't know, Niall, honestly. If I knew that, I probably wouldn't have texted you anything."</p>
<p>"Alright, alright, no need to get snippy."</p>
<p>"I'm not--" Louis groans. "You're a dick."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well. Takes one to know one." Niall hums softly. "Are you going to see her again, d'you think?"</p>
<p>"Maybe, I dunno. Seeing Freddie seemed to cheer her up." Louis thinks back to earlier when he found her in the kitchen singing to Freddie and a small smile spreads across his lips. "Might not be a bad idea."</p>
<p>"Yeah, maybe you'd actually get the story out of her if she came 'round again."</p>
<p>"She was upset," Louis replies flatly. "She said he broke it off, she never saw it coming."</p>
<p>"Shit," Niall mutters. Then, after a moment, he adds, "been doing that a lot, hasn't he?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis answers quietly. "Didn't think he'd do it to her, too."</p>
<p>"Me neither. Fuck." Niall sighs heavily. "You doing alright?"</p>
<p>"A bit tired, but yeah. Why?"</p>
<p>"Well, you know." Niall pauses again and Louis waits for him to say what he's thinking. "Zayn."</p>
<p>"Yeah. Not my favorite person at the moment."</p>
<p>"I know, so that's why--"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," Louis answers quickly. "I can hear his name without wanting to break something, y'know."</p>
<p>"I know," Niall replies, though he doesn't sound convinced. "Just… y'know."</p>
<p>Louis knows, but he doesn't want to talk about it. Niall exhales sharply and decides to change the subject.</p>
<p>"How's Fred? Talking yet?"</p>
<p>"He's barely a month and a half," Louis replies with a chuckle.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but he's got you for a dad. I'm surprised he hasn't started talking shit already."</p>
<p>"Fuck off."</p>
<p>"See? What a role model!"</p>
<p>Louis laughs heartily and it echoes on Niall's end of the line. There's a small pang in Louis' heart when his laughter subsides; he's missed having chats like this with Niall. They used to happen all the time and now that they're infrequent, it's a little bittersweet.</p>
<p>"You should have Perrie come 'round again," Niall says decidedly.</p>
<p>"I should?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. I think it'd do you both some good."</p>
<p>Louis sighs. "Yeah, alright. Maybe I'll invite her for dinner, or something."</p>
<p>"Don't kill the poor girl, Jesus."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, shut up. I'll get takeaway." Louis rolls his eyes again as Niall laughs at him. "I'm hanging up now, you bastard."</p>
<p>"Lemme know how it goes. Love you."</p>
<p>"Love you too, arsehole."</p>
<p>After the call's over Louis takes a long drink from his beer, tapping his phone against his thigh as he does so. He sets the bottle back down on the coffee table and unlocks his phone, scrolling down to his message thread with Perrie from earlier.</p>
<p>It takes him a few minutes to officially decide to text her, and then a few more to officially decide on what to say. It's frustrating to say the least, agonizing over so many texts in the same day when he hasn't done this in absolute ages. He's fairly certain the last time he put so much effort into a text was when he and Eleanor had first started dating, which is definitely not the mindset he wants to be in right now.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>if you're still around tomorrow, do you want to come by for dinner?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis pauses for a moment, exhaling deeply as he adds one more sentence.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>freddie would love another performance if you're up to it!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>He presses send before he can talk himself out of it. As soon as it's delivered, Louis feels foolish for being worried about it at all. He can be friends with Perrie and not have it be weird. Nothing's weird unless he makes it weird, and he certainly doesn't want to make it weird.</p>
<p>"My head hurts," he grumbles to himself as he rubs his eyes with one hand. He's thinking he should probably just go to bed when Perrie's reply comes through.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>i'd love to! let me know if he has any requests x</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis snorts as he locks his phone and slips it into his pocket. Taking the baby monitor in one hand, he picks up the beer bottle from the table with his other and heads towards the kitchen. He ends up pouring the rest of it down the drain, deciding once and for all that he'd rather go to bed than do anything else tonight.</p>
<p>It's been a long and confusing day, after all.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Louis finds himself in the exact same place the following evening. Freddie's down for the night and Perrie's already left, and Louis is sitting on the couch with his phone in his hand. There's a text on the screen that came through half an hour ago and Louis has been struggling with what to reply ever since.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>how'd it go?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Truth be told, Louis is still sort of reeling from everything. Nothing bad happened, per se. He ordered Thai food for the two of them (and only felt mildly guilty about having Freddie at the table when all he could have for dinner was a bottle of formula), Perrie sang a little for Freddie's amusement which he absolutely adored, and she finally got to share her story.</p>
<p>That's where it all went a little wonky, if Louis is being honest. He hadn't thought about how difficult it would be to hear about Zayn in any sort of capacity, but it was especially hard when Perrie looked on the verge of tears the whole time.</p>
<p>She was trying her best not to have a full-on cry about it, though Louis certainly wouldn't have blamed her if she had. He experienced the familiar choked-up feeling in his own throat a few times as Perrie was telling him her story, he's just relieved his eyes didn't well up with tears.</p>
<p>The main reason he's hesitant to answer Niall's text is because after Perrie was done telling him all about Zayn, he shared a few things with her. Things he's never shared with Niall or any of the other lads. He told her about how his last conversation with Zayn went, the things he'd said that now he wishes he could change. He was hurt and he didn't understand why Zayn was leaving him. He felt betrayed and abandoned and he was lashing out.</p>
<p>Now it's all too big of a mess for Louis to even think about trying to fix any of it. They can never get back what they had, and they both know it.</p>
<p>But Louis doesn't want to tell Niall any of this. He wants to be strong, to take care of the lads in a way that he expects of himself. Each one of them had their own reaction to Zayn leaving: Harry outright ignored his feelings about it, Liam thought it was his fault, and Niall tried so hard to understand and blamed himself when he couldn't. Louis had to be there for all of them so he pushed his own feelings about it down until he didn't have to think about it anymore.</p>
<p>He can't explain why it was easy to tell Perrie about it. Or why he felt the need to share it with her in the first place, since the whole night was meant to be about her.</p>
<p>Maybe this is what they both needed, in a way: someone to commiserate with. Someone who'd been hurt by the same person but in a different fashion.</p>
<p>Louis is still hurt, deep down. He probably always will be. But at least he finally got the chance to tell someone about it.</p>
<p><em><strong>it was good</strong></em>, he finally types out. <em><strong>perrie's gonna be ok.</strong></em></p>
<p>Niall's reply pops up about a minute later, <em><strong>of course she is. she's tough! how about you?</strong></em></p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>are you saying i'm not tough horan???</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis snickers softly as the bubble to indicate Niall is typing pops up, already amused by whatever response Niall's going to have before he even sends it.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>you're the toughest around tommo! just makin sure you're takin time for yourself too.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis' heart pangs fondly in his chest. <em><strong>i'm good, niall. promise.</strong></em></p>
<p>
  <strong>
    <em>good. are you gonna see perrie again?</em>
  </strong>
</p>
<p>At first Louis rolls his eyes at Niall's text. With the way he's acting, you'd think Louis had just been on an actual date or something. It creates a funny feeling in the pit of Louis' stomach, one that he doesn't recognize or particularly enjoy.</p>
<p><em><strong>i don't know</strong></em>, he answers honestly. <em><strong>she said she was going back to london and i don't expect her to be back here any time soon.</strong></em></p>
<p>He doesn't tell Niall that Perrie's first stop when she returns to London is to move all of her things out of the house that she shared with Zayn. It's not really any of his business, and he knows that Niall would just ask more questions which would probably lead to Louis having to admit what he offered Perrie before she left.</p>
<p>"What'll you do when you get back to London?" he'd asked hesitantly. He wasn't sure how much she'd figured out and he didn't want to pry and make things worse.</p>
<p>"I dunno," she replied. "I might move back in with my parents for a while, or maybe with one of the girls. Just until I find a place of my own, y'know?"</p>
<p>Louis hadn't planned on what he said next. The thought hadn't even crossed his mind before it came flying out of his mouth.</p>
<p>"You could stay at my house in London," he offered. Perrie looked about as shocked to hear him say it as Louis was to have said it.</p>
<p>"I… I couldn't, I wouldn't want to impose--"</p>
<p>"You wouldn't be," Louis assured her. "It's empty anyway, what with me and Fred living here."</p>
<p>"I…" Perrie bit her lip as she considered it silently.</p>
<p>"You don't have to," Louis went on, "but the offer's there if you want it. You're always welcome, Perrie."</p>
<p>Perrie had tears in her eyes as she threw her arms around Louis, hugging him tightly as they both laughed.</p>
<p>"You're a lifesaver," she murmured before she drew back, gently wiping her eyes as she smiled at him. Louis laughed softly and ducked his head, feeling a little bashful in the wake of Perrie's praise.</p>
<p>Despite not having thought the offer through, it really didn't seem to be all that big of a deal to Louis. The house was just sitting empty, waiting for someone to live there. And if Louis and Freddie were going to make a go of it in LA, he'd be happy to lend it to someone in need.</p>
<p>"I'll have it cleaned and ready for you to move in, yeah?" Louis gently touched Perrie's arm and smiled warmly at her. "You're welcome to stay as long as you like."</p>
<p>Louis snaps out of his memories when Niall texts again and his phone buzzes in his hand.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>ah. well ya never know!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis snickers softly, clicking the screen of his phone off just as he hears the crackle of Freddie's cry over the baby monitor. He heaves a deep sigh as he gets up to go find out what's disturbed his little boy from his slumber. Every other thought in his head fades away as he cradles Freddie against his chest as he soothes his cries.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>The first six months of Freddie's life, for all intents and purposes, pass by in the blink of an eye. His face rounds out with cheeks that are absolutely perfect for pressing a thousand kisses to each and every day. His eyes get bigger and brighter as he experiences more of the world with grabby hands and a keen interest in absolutely everything. There comes a downside when he cuts his first tooth and cries so much that it breaks Louis' heart; the most he can do is give Freddie something cool and hard to chew on in the hopes that it'll help the pain go away.</p>
<p>Most of Louis' life revolves around making Freddie's life easier, which means Louis' own needs tend to get shoved to the side more often than not.</p>
<p>He doesn't let the house suffer for it. He has a regular staff of cleaners who come and tidy things up every week, complete with laundry service ever since he found himself without clean pants one too many times. He gets grocery deliveries every few days to keep the house well stocked for Freddie's culinary needs, although most of it usually ends up on the floor or on Louis during mealtime.</p>
<p>Despite the insanity of single parenthood, Louis does manage a few moments to himself here and there. He does tend to take naps with Freddie in the middle of the day, partially because Freddie seems to sleep better with Louis beside him but also because Louis likes naps as much as the next person. But every night he has a few hours to himself where he can focus on his own needs and desires, even if he doesn't necessarily want to.</p>
<p>Most of the time he ends up trying to watch something on Netflix but he either falls asleep or gets bored halfway through and gives up. He has managed to make it through a few films in the last six months, but it's usually over a few days and not all at once.</p>
<p>But tonight, after he spent an hour reading and singing softly until Freddie went to sleep, there's something different on Louis' mind. He's been in a weird mood since the afternoon when he received an email that rubbed him the wrong way. He hardly remembers who it was from or what it was really about, having only skimmed the contents enough to get a vague idea, but there was one statement that stood out to him enough to get under his skin.</p>
<p>
  <em>We thought this might be the thing to get you out of the house finally!</em>
</p>
<p>Louis deleted the email almost at once after reading that sentence, cursing whoever sent it to him and trying his best to put it out of his mind before going back to playing with Freddie, but it stuck in his head all day.</p>
<p>What really bothered him about it is that he couldn't even argue that they were wrong. He rarely left the house these days, usually only to take Freddie to the doctor for check-ups. But even those came fewer now that Freddie was a bit older, which meant Louis was heading towards hermit status with every passing day that he spent inside the comfort of his own home.</p>
<p>Which, to be honest, was really fucking stupid in his opinion. He wasn't trying to hide from the world, he had a fucking kid to take care of.</p>
<p>But then again, there's Freddie to think of. Freddie's just a baby now, but soon he'll need to start interacting with kids his own age. Socialization is a huge step for babies and Louis knows that. His mum's told him enough times that Freddie needs to have friends of his own, just like Louis does. Louis may be his only friend for now, and that's fine, but eventually Freddie will need someone other than his father for social interaction.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't really like the sound of that, but he knows better than to argue with his mum.</p>
<p>He sighs heavily and scrubs his hand across his face as his thoughts drift to his mum. It's not late enough in LA for it to be a normal time in England, but he pulls his phone out and opens a new text to her anyway.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>miss you. text me when you're free tomorrow and i'll facetime you?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>He sends it off as he makes his way back to his bedroom, somehow feeling far more tired in that moment than he has all day. Freddie's sleeping soundly in the middle of the bed and the sight brings a smile to Louis' face. He snaps a few photos on his phone before he climbs into bed next to him, carefully curling up next to Freddie without disturbing him.</p>
<p>Possibilities of hermitage aside, Louis can't really imagine a better way to spend his time other than right where he is. The only thing he might change is how he wakes up most mornings, which happens to be with Freddie's arm being flung against his face. Tiny though his fists may be, they still hurt a fair amount when they connect with Louis' eye socket.</p>
<p>Thankfully Freddie usually follows it up with the cutest of yawns and some baby babble that never fails to bring a smile to Louis' face, so it's not all bad. Sometimes Louis looks forward to the day when Freddie sleeps in a bed all by himself, but he's certainly not looking to make the time pass any faster than it is already.</p>
<p>He picks up Freddie and cradles him in the crook of his arm while he uses his other hand to grab his phone off the bedside table, keeping it out of Freddie's reach while they make their way towards the kitchen for breakfast. Louis doesn't fancy having to buy a new phone if Freddie decides his current one is his new favorite chew toy.</p>
<p>Freddie's a little fussy this morning and chooses to start crying whenever Louis attempts to put him down. Normally Louis would set him up in his high chair and make breakfast while intermittently checking his phone, but that's apparently not going to fly this morning. Louis abandons his phone on the counter and does his best to prepare breakfast one-handed while narrating everything he does in a silly voice to keep Freddie from crying loudly in his ear.</p>
<p>The meal itself turns out to be a harrowing experience for the both of them, considering Freddie <em>still</em> doesn't want Louis to let go of him even though he must be ravenous by the time breakfast is ready. Louis pleads with him as Freddie wails, practically screaming bloody murder as Louis tries to fasten him into his high chair.</p>
<p>"C'mon, lad," Louis says, pressing kisses to Freddie's head as the tears continue to stream down Freddie's face. "It's alright, look, I'm right here."</p>
<p>Freddie's cries eventually subside and he lets Louis feed him breakfast, though most of it ends up on the floor around them. Freddie's not a particularly picky eater, he just happens to enjoy the sounds that come from throwing his food onto the kitchen floor. Even Louis has to admit that applesauce makes an especially satisfying splat.</p>
<p>Louis often wonders if he gave his own mum this much trouble when he was Freddie's age; judging by the laughs he hears whenever he tells her about Freddie's latest antics, he can't help but think his son may as well be his clone.</p>
<p>He remembers the text he sent his mum after he's gotten Freddie cleaned up and he manages to check his phone without losing it to Freddie's grabby little fingers. There's a text from her amongst several others and Louis foregoes checking all of his other notifications in favor of reading her text first.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>hi love! miss you too. call me anytime xx</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>"What d'you say, Fred?" Louis says as he gently jostles Freddie, making him giggle. "Wanna talk to your nannie?"</p>
<p>Freddie babbles in response and it sounds happy enough that Louis takes it to mean yes. He chuckles softly and presses a kiss to Freddie's chubby cheek, nuzzling his nose against the same spot to make Freddie start giggling again.</p>
<p>As much as Louis loves FaceTiming with his family, it does prove to be a challenge with Freddie as he gets older. He's become particularly fascinated with Louis' phone as of late and he's constantly trying to touch the screen or snatch it away from Louis entirely. Sometimes Louis indulges him but for the most part he really does try to keep his phone out of Freddie's grasp.</p>
<p>"Here we go, here we go," Louis says as he struggles to keep a good hold on Freddie with one arm while he holds his phone in a good position with his other hand. "Look at the phone, Fred, no— don't—"</p>
<p>"Hey!" Jay's smiling brightly when the call connects and her face pops up on Louis' screen. "There are my boys!"</p>
<p>"Hi Mum," Louis says, smiling so wide his cheeks already sort of hurt. "Say hi, Fred!"</p>
<p>Freddie whines as he reaches towards the phone and whines louder when Louis keeps it at a safe distance.</p>
<p>"Aww, hello my love," Jay coos. "He's getting so big, I can't believe it."</p>
<p>"He'll be running circles 'round me before I know it," Louis jokes. "Fred—" He grunts as Freddie's hand connects with his nose by accident, or at least, Louis <em>hopes</em> it was by accident.</p>
<p>They've hardly been on the phone with his mum for a minute and already Louis is wondering if this was a bad idea. Freddie hasn't been this fussy in a while which means the day is going to be difficult for them both. It's days like this where he does tend to wish that he had someone else around to help share the load. He misses his mum so fiercely in that moment that he desperately wishes he could just pull her through the phone and have her be with them in LA instead of thousands of miles away.</p>
<p>"Lou? You alright, love?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says, sniffing a little as he hoists Freddie further up on his hip. "I think I might have to call you back later, though. Fred's having a day."</p>
<p>"I know all about that," she says with a soft laugh. "Call me when he's settled, yeah?"</p>
<p>"Will do, Mum. Love you."</p>
<p>"Love you both. Bye, Freddie!"</p>
<p>Louis immediately puts the phone facedown on the counter, pushing it away from the edge as he focuses his attention on Freddie. His cheeks are a little pink and he's screwed his face up as if he's about to start crying, which is not something Louis wants to have happen in this exact moment.</p>
<p>"How about a story, Fred?" he asks as he gently bounces back and forth from one foot to the other. Freddie looks at him with his big eyes that look a bit wetter than usual and he presses one of his fists against his chin as he starts to whine. Louis presses a kiss to Freddie's cheek and whispers soothing nonsense under his breath as he makes a beeline for the refrigerator to get one of Freddie's teething toys out of the freezer. His new teeth must be hurting extra bad today and causing Freddie's fussy mood.</p>
<p>Freddie lets loose a loud wail just before Louis manages to grab one of the toys out of the freezer, but Louis is quick to offer it to him and Freddie greedily shoves it into his mouth.</p>
<p>"There you go," Louis says, pressing a kiss to Freddie's temple this time. "That'll help, won't it, lad?"</p>
<p>Freddie babbles around the toy, already drooling up a storm. Louis smiles as he walks out of the kitchen and heads for the living room. He makes himself comfortable on the couch with a couple of storybooks handy, settling Freddie in the crook between his chest and the back of the couch to keep him safe while Louis reads to him.</p>
<p>They make it through two and a half storybooks before Freddie becomes bored with listening to Louis read, as made evident by the way he bashes his teething toy against the book first and then against Louis' face.</p>
<p>"All done, Fred?" Louis says with a hint of amusement in his voice and Freddie giggles as he rolls over onto his stomach and tries to pull himself closer to Louis' head. "What're you doing?" Louis asks in a silly voice as he puts the book down on the floor and grabs onto Freddie's stomach with both hands as he lifts him up in the air.</p>
<p>Freddie squeals with delight as Louis lifts him up and down, blowing raspberries against Freddie's neck every time he gets close enough. Freddie absolutely <em>adores</em> this game, though Louis usually can't continue it for too long. He's gotten a bit stronger from carrying Freddie around a lot, but it still takes quite a lot of effort to play this particular game.</p>
<p>After a while they end up on the floor and Louis lets Freddie crawl around to his heart's content, which usually means he ends up crawling all over Louis. Freddie is a mess of giggles the whole time and it brings a bright smile to Louis' face to hear his son so joyful. He loves all the dumb voices Louis does, sometimes he even tries to mimic them even though he hasn't got a good handle on words just yet.</p>
<p>It blows Louis' mind to think that a year from now he could be having almost full conversations with Freddie instead of trying to understand various types of crying. He can't believe how much Freddie's grown in just six months; he doesn't know how he's going to handle the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Freddie starts to tire himself out after a while and Louis takes the opportunity to set him up in what he affectionately calls The Taco. It's not a taco whatsoever; Louis thinks the box said something along the lines of a rocking chair slash soothing sleeping something-or-other, but he can't be bothered to remember the actual name and besides, Freddie seems to love it when Louis calls it a taco anyway.</p>
<p>It's perfect for Freddie's mid-morning nap because of its rocking nature; Freddie sometimes needs a little push when it comes to napping and the gentle back and forth of The Taco usually does the trick. Louis picks up the abandoned book from before and reads it to Freddie, keeping The Taco rocking with one of his feet.</p>
<p>Freddie's fast asleep by the last page of the book and Louis breathes a relieved sigh. That could've been a lot harder and he's overwhelmingly thankful that it wasn't.</p>
<p>After setting up the designated living room baby monitor (Louis now has at least five of them scattered around the house which prove to be extremely handy when Freddie falls asleep in inconvenient places) to point at Freddie, Louis goes back into the kitchen and tidies up. There's less food on the floor today than usual which means it doesn't take Louis very long to clean up the remnants of breakfast; soon enough he's drying his hands on a towel and grabbing his phone from where he left it on the counter, unlocking the screen with a swipe and calling his mum back the normal way this time.</p>
<p>It only takes her saying hello for Louis to start smiling; he misses her <em>so </em>much sometimes it hurts but other times all he needs is to hear her voice for everything to feel like it's going to be okay.</p>
<p>"Hey, Mum. Sorry about earlier."</p>
<p>"Don't apologize, love. I know my fair share about fussy babies," she replies with a gentle laugh. "Is he down for a nap?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, he went down pretty easy, actually. Must've tired him out playing dinosaur."</p>
<p>"Dinosaur?" Jay laughs again. "That's a new one."</p>
<p>"I just sort of roar and pretend to bite him," Louis explains, feeling a little sheepish saying it aloud. "He loves it."</p>
<p>"I'm sure he does. You'll have to show me next time I see you."</p>
<p>"Yeah? When's that gonna be?" Louis asks, a slight teasing edge to his voice. "You finally going to let me fly you out to LA, then?"</p>
<p>"I'm perfectly capable of booking a ticket, thank you very much."</p>
<p>Louis grins. "I know, Mum. I just miss you."</p>
<p>"I miss you too, love. You and Freddie. We all do."</p>
<p>Louis swallows hard as his grin fades slightly. There's a heaviness in his chest that wasn't there a moment ago and it's suddenly hard to find any words worth saying.</p>
<p>"I worry about you, out there all by yourself." Jay sighs softly. "All alone in that big house."</p>
<p>"I'm not alone, I've got Fred," Louis protests.</p>
<p>"You know what I mean. When's the last time you had someone round?"</p>
<p>Louis pauses, trying to think. His reply doesn't come soon enough for his mum's liking, made apparent by the tut he hears on the other end of the line after a few seconds of silence.</p>
<p>"That's what I thought."</p>
<p>"Don't say it like that, Mum," Louis groans, "you're making me sound like a proper hermit."</p>
<p>"Then you'd best do something about it, yeah?"</p>
<p>Louis sighs heavily. "What about me and Fred coming to visit you? He could spend some time with Ernie and Dorie and the girls, I'm sure he'd love it."</p>
<p>"That sounds like a lovely idea, Lou. We'd love to have you both, you know that."</p>
<p>"Feels like ages since I was last there," Louis admits softly. "It's weird; even though I have this house here in LA, Donny still feels more like home than it does."</p>
<p>"Oh, Lou."</p>
<p>A few moments of silence pass and Louis goes on a bit of a downward spiral in his head. Every time he thinks about Freddie growing up here in LA he starts feeling a bit panicky. He doesn't want Freddie ending up like the typical Hollywood kids who end up never working a day in their life and have a horrible sense of entitlement because their parents are rich and/or famous. He wants to keep Freddie grounded like his family did for him, but how can that happen when the only person he has to rely on is Louis?</p>
<p>"What if…" Louis starts softly, the thought tumbling out of his mouth before it's fully formed in his mind, "I moved back to England?"</p>
<p>Jay waits a beat and then says in a tentative voice, "what are you saying, Lou?"</p>
<p>"I said what I said," Louis replies. "What if me and Freddie left LA and moved back to England? Maybe not Donny, but at least we'd all be on the same side of the world."</p>
<p>"You're serious?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis scoffs, "I wouldn't say it if I wasn't serious."</p>
<p>"I know, love, I just… this is the first time you've mentioned even the thought of moving out of LA. I just don't want you to do anything rash, is all."</p>
<p>Louis softens. "I know, Mum. But, like… I've lived in LA for a while now and it's just… I don't think it's for me anymore. And with Freddie I just feel like I need to give him a better home, y'know?"</p>
<p>"Oh, Lou. He's got a great home already, you've given him everything he could possibly want."</p>
<p>"I know, but that's not what I'm talking about, Mum. I mean, like, I want him to know there's more to life than whatever bullshit is popular in LA at any given time. I want him to have the same sort of life I did when I was a kid."</p>
<p>Jay makes a soft noise and Louis chuckles under his breath.</p>
<p>"Okay, not <em>exactly</em> the same. You know what I mean, Mum. You gave me the best life you could provide, and I love you for it. I never had to wonder if I was loved, you always did everything you could to make me happy. I just want to make sure Freddie knows that, too."</p>
<p>Jay sniffles a little. "If I'd known you were going to make me cry I wouldn't have answered the phone."</p>
<p>"Sorry, Mum," Louis says, laughing as she sniffles again. "I want Freddie to know his family, y'know? I never want him to feel alone."</p>
<p>"It sounds like you've already made up your mind," Jay says.</p>
<p>"I guess I sorta have," Louis admits, feeling oddly nervous about the whole thing. In some weird way he feels like he needs her approval before he can actually commit to the idea, and right now he's not entirely sure if he's going to get it.</p>
<p>"You know I'd love nothing more than to have all my babies in the same country again," Jay says, "but I do want you to think long and hard about this before you make any sort of decision."</p>
<p>"Yes, Mum."</p>
<p>"I'm serious, Lou. Take a week and really think about it."</p>
<p>Louis sighs long-sufferingly, but it's mostly a facade. He knows his mum's heart is in the right place; it's a big decision and he shouldn't make it lightly.</p>
<p>"I will. Promise."</p>
<p>"Good. Love you, Lou."</p>
<p>"Love you too, Mum."</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>True to his word, Louis thinks about moving back to England a lot over the next few days. At various times throughout the day he imagines what it'd be like to be at his home in London instead of his one in LA. He wonders if Freddie would like it more, if it would be easier for him to make friends in that neighborhood. Louis himself hasn't met any of their neighbors here in LA, not that he ever really planned on doing so before Freddie came along.</p>
<p>He even talks about it with Freddie a few times, not that Freddie can even begin to understand the situation. He looks at Louis with his big eyes and babbles, reaching out to touch Louis' face with his little hands and giggling when Louis smiles at him.</p>
<p>"You don't care where we live, do you, Fred?"</p>
<p>Freddie giggles again as he grabs onto Louis' nose.</p>
<p>Later in the day, when Louis is about to give Freddie his dinner, Louis' phone goes off. He glances at it, just barely catching a glimpse of Perrie's name on the screen before it dims. Freddie is fairly insistent about being fed immediately so he can't check it at that moment, but once Freddie's dinner is set down in front of him and he's got his hands in it, Louis takes the opportunity to grab his phone.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>hey! i'm coming back to la on thursday and i'd love to see you and little fred. you busy?</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>A smile spreads across Louis' face without him even realizing it as he quickly types a reply.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>not busy at all! come by anytime. fred can't wait for another performance.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis sets his phone back down and looks over at Freddie, who's smeared most of his food on his face in lieu of actually eating it.</p>
<p>"Remember Perrie?" he says as he grabs a towel and wets it. "She's gonna come visit us soon."</p>
<p>Freddie whines as Louis wipes at his face, trying in vain to avoid the wet towel. Louis takes the bowl with the rest of Freddie's dinner out of his reach and tries feeding it to him with a spoon, though it proves about as successful as Freddie eating on his own.</p>
<p>"We've got to work on your manners, lad," Louis teases gently as he taps the tip of Freddie's nose with his finger. Freddie makes a silly gurgling sort of sound in return, sending them both into a fit of giggles.</p>
<p>Perrie's visit doesn't actually come until Saturday evening, as it turns out. She texts Louis on Thursday to tell him she's arrived safe and sound at LAX, but the reason behind her trip to LA this time around is a small promo tour of a few radio stations with Little Mix. Their schedule is packed over the next few days save for a few hours on Saturday and even though Louis tells her she could take the time and relax by herself, she still insists on seeing him and Freddie.</p>
<p>When Louis answers the door that evening, he doesn't expect to see Perrie all dolled up despite the fact that he knew full well she was coming straight from doing promo. A full thirty seconds pass by before Louis realizes he's been staring at her without saying a word.</p>
<p>"Come in, come in," he says quickly, stepping aside and letting her pass by as he attempts to get a grip on himself.</p>
<p>The funny thing is, seeing Perrie like this actually makes Louis miss the lads. He didn't really feel it at the time because they were always so busy and every day was one thing after another until they were all exhausted deep in their bones, but now he actually <em>misses</em> it. Louis misses being around his best friends all the time, even when they were all on each other's last nerve. They were <em>together</em>, going through all the bullshit with each other by their sides and at the end of the day, that was more than anything Louis could've hoped for.</p>
<p>In that moment, Louis realizes just how lonely he's really been since touring stopped and he moved to LA full time. And it's with that in mind that he makes the decision he's been thinking about for the last week: he's definitely moving back to England.</p>
<p>All of this, however, passes through his head in practically the blink of an eye while Perrie's caught up in gushing over how big Freddie's gotten since she last saw him.</p>
<p>"I can't believe it!" she says as Freddie grabs her fingers and giggles as she coos at him. "You look more and more like your dad, d'you know that?"</p>
<p>"Spitting image, yeah?" Louis jokes as he gently bounces Freddie on his hip. "My mum's sent me loads of photos of me as a baby and I just can't get over it."</p>
<p>Perrie's eyes sparkle with a bit of mischief at Louis' words and she grins widely. "Well, now you've got to show me those."</p>
<p>"Alright," Louis says, rolling his eyes. "C'mon then."</p>
<p>Louis gives Freddie to Perrie once they've made it to the living room. He also gives her one of Freddie's favorite toys to chew on, a small rubber giraffe, and Freddie immediately shoves the head into his mouth and slobbers all over it.</p>
<p>"Aww, you like your giraffe, don't you?" Perrie says, smiling down at Freddie as he gazes back up at her, smiling as best he can with a giraffe's head in his mouth.</p>
<p>"He loves that thing," Louis says, shaking his head as he pulls his phone out of his pocket and brings up his text thread with his mum. "Can't get enough of it."</p>
<p>"He's teething now, right?" Perrie ducks her head to get a peek inside Freddie's mouth. "Oh, look at that! You've got a couple!"</p>
<p>"He's very proud," Louis says with a chuckle. "Careful, though. They're sharp little buggers."</p>
<p>"Been biting your dad, have you?" Perrie laughs.</p>
<p>"A few nips, here and there," Louis admits as he finds the first few photos his mum sent and shows the screen to Perrie.</p>
<p>"Oh my god!" Perrie screeches. The sound slightly upsets Freddie and she quickly lowers her voice, murmuring softly to him until the moment's passed and he's no longer on the verge of a meltdown. "<em>Oh my god</em>," she repeats in a much more quiet voice, looking back at Louis with her mouth wide open.</p>
<p>Louis simply grins in return. He knows full well the resemblance between himself as a baby and Freddie is absolutely uncanny - there's no way Freddie <em>isn't</em> his kid.</p>
<p>"You have some <em>strong</em> genes in your family," Perrie says, marveling over the photos Louis shows her. "No wonder your mum's got two sets of twins."</p>
<p>Louis laughs. "I suppose I should be grateful I didn't have twins on my first go-around." He shakes his head and then smiles as he gently grabs Freddie's foot. "Dunno what I would've done with two of you, Fred."</p>
<p>Freddie laughs as he kicks his foot, halfheartedly trying to get it out of Louis' grasp. Everything's a game to him nowadays anyway and Louis loves to indulge him in whatever makes him laugh. Perrie laughs along with him and presses a kiss to the top of Freddie's head.</p>
<p>"You're just the happiest baby ever, aren't you?" Perrie glances at Louis. "Were you a happy baby too?"</p>
<p>"I dunno," Louis answers honestly. "I probably gave my mum a bit of trouble, knowing me."</p>
<p>"I'll bet you did." Perrie chuckles. "Right terror you were, I'm sure."</p>
<p>"Hey," Louis says, trying his best to give her an unimpressed look but he's too amused to make it come across as well as he meant it to be. "I was a <em>great</em> baby."</p>
<p>Perrie snorts. "Sure you were."</p>
<p>"I'll prove it!" Louis declares, switching from the photos app to his contacts. "I'll call my mum and--" Louis pauses when he catches sight of the time, and then he quickly changes gears. "On second thought…"</p>
<p>Perrie gives him an amused smile, waiting patiently for him to finish his thought.</p>
<p>"I'll text my mum <em>tomorrow</em> because I'm a good son who doesn't wake her up in the middle of the night for the sake of winning an argument."</p>
<p>"Sure," Perrie replies, nodding and giving him a slightly patronizing look. "Keep telling yourself that."</p>
<p>If Perrie weren't holding Freddie, Louis probably would've given her a playful shove for that comment. But, seeing as how she <em>is</em> holding his pride and joy of a son, he settles for flicking her shoulder with his finger. He gets an affronted look for his effort and calls it a win.</p>
<p>"I dunno if I should leave Freddie in your hands, if I'm honest. You're more of a child than he is," Perrie says, somehow managing to keep a straight face as she speaks.</p>
<p>"Takes one to know one," Louis replies. Perrie sticks out her tongue and Louis does the same until they're both laughing at one another.</p>
<p>"How is your mum?" Perrie asks a while later, after their laughter has died down. "How's she doing with the new twins?"</p>
<p>"She's good," Louis answers. "She's got a lot more help this time around, that's for sure." He chuckles lightly, but his heart twinges when he thinks about his mum. He really does miss her, and now that he's decided he wants to move back to England he can't seem to wait to get started.</p>
<p>"You okay?" Perrie asks softly, sounding a little worried that she'd said the wrong thing.</p>
<p>"Yeah, no, I just…" Louis sighs softly. "I think, umm, well… I've decided that me and Fred are, uhh, moving."</p>
<p>"Moving?"</p>
<p>Louis nods. "Back to England."</p>
<p>Perrie looks shocked, to say the least. She stays utterly still for a few seconds and when she comes back to herself, she blinks several times and clears her throat before she even tries to say a word.</p>
<p>"That's… umm, that's great." She swallows hard and smiles at him. "I'm sure your mum's thrilled about it."</p>
<p>"Yeah, I mean, last time we talked about it, it was more hypothetical, you know. But I've been thinking about it a lot and I think it's a good time to do it, y'know? While Freddie's still quite young."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah. You're probably right."</p>
<p>Louis tilts his head to the side as he studies Perrie's face. There's something hiding underneath her smile that makes him feel like theres something she's not telling him. She won't meet his eye for more than a second when before she had absolutely no trouble doing so.</p>
<p>"Perrie, what's wrong?"</p>
<p>"Nothing!" she says quickly. "It's nothing."</p>
<p>"Pez." Louis reaches out and puts his hand on top of her own where it's resting on Freddie's legs. "C'mon."</p>
<p>"It's just… when d'you think you'll move?"</p>
<p>Louis' brows furrow in confusion, but before he can wonder aloud why she's asking, she speaks again.</p>
<p>"It's just, y'know, I'll need to find a place and I don't want to put you out or anything, and--"</p>
<p>Perrie continues on for a while but Louis hardly hears a word. It dawns on him in that moment that he'd <em>completely</em> forgotten the fact that Perrie was living in his house in London. The last time they'd spoken about it was when she moved in; she'd had a few questions about rearranging some things and he'd told her to make herself at home. He feels like a complete fucking idiot for <em>forgetting</em> that she was living there.</p>
<p>"Jesus Christ," he murmurs as he puts his head in his hands.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to--"</p>
<p>"No, no, <em>god</em>, don't apologize!" Louis says quickly, realizing again his poor choice of words had Perrie worried over absolutely nothing. "I'm an idiot, please, don't mind me."</p>
<p>Perrie laughs awkwardly, distracting herself by entertaining Freddie while Louis gets his head together.</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry," he says finally, "I'd completely forgotten you were living there. I'm such an idiot."</p>
<p>"No, no you're not," Perrie insists.</p>
<p>"I am, though." Louis laughs. "But, Pez, I'd never just kick you out without warning."</p>
<p>"No?"</p>
<p>"God, no!" Louis laughs again. "God, the house is probably big enough for all three of us to live there if we wanted."</p>
<p>The idea tumbles out of his mouth without Louis really thinking it through, or how it may affect Perrie. She laughs a little, the sound coming out a bit startled and stopping as quickly as it happened.</p>
<p>"Are you serious?" she asks. Louis blinks a few times, momentarily unsure of how to answer.</p>
<p>"Well…" he says, finally taking the time to think about things before he just blurts them out. "I mean, you are on tour a lot."</p>
<p>"Yeah…"</p>
<p>"I mean, like, you'd have us to come back to instead of an empty house."</p>
<p>"Excuse you," Perrie says, "I have Hatchi."</p>
<p>"Sorry," Louis says, rolling his eyes and snickering. "Yes, right. You have Hatchi."</p>
<p>"<em>But</em>," Perrie says, nodding her head slightly, "you're not wrong. Coming home to actual people in the house would be nice."</p>
<p>"And you wouldn't have to waste money on a place you only live in half the time," Louis goes on, convincing not only Perrie but also himself more and more that this idea is actually pretty perfect.</p>
<p>"That's true," she replies. "And you'd have me to help you out with this one on a regular basis."</p>
<p>"Well… yeah, I mean… you wouldn't <em>have</em> to. Like, don't feel obligated--"</p>
<p>Perrie shushes Louis at once. "As if I'd give up the chance to play around with Freddie whenever I can." She tickles Freddie's tummy and he laughs delightedly around the giraffe in his mouth.</p>
<p>Louis chuckles softly. His heart feels about three sizes too big for his chest and he can't seem to believe that this could all work out so perfectly.</p>
<p>"Is this really going to happen?" he wonders aloud.</p>
<p>Perrie shrugs a little. "Don't see why not, <em>roomie</em>."</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Perrie stays for dinner that night; they order in Thai food and have the meal properly at the table with Freddie in his high chair. His dinner consists mostly of rice and some steamed vegetables, but Louis does let him try a few things after he makes sure they're not too spicy. He remembers all too well the incident a few weeks ago when he accidentally gave Freddie a bit of chicken with too much spice for a baby's tongue; it took Freddie nearly twenty minutes to stop crying.</p>
<p>"How's it been?" Louis asks. "The house, I mean." He chuckles a little and ducks his head in mild embarrassment. "I realized we hadn't really talked about it since you moved in."</p>
<p>"It's alright," Perrie says as she reaches over and pats his hand. "You've got more than enough to worry about here without wondering how I'm getting on."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but still." Louis' mouth twists in a wistful sort of way. "I've been a bit of a shit friend."</p>
<p>Perrie rolls her eyes. "Like I said, <em>more</em> than enough to worry about." She shakes her head. "The house is good, though. Hatchi loves running around in the backyard."</p>
<p>"You should've brought him here. I bet Fred would just love him."</p>
<p>"I'm sure Hatchi would love him too." Perrie smiles at Freddie, giggling softly at the bit of rice that's somehow gotten stuck to his eyebrow. "But I'm only here for a few days, and sometimes he doesn't adjust well to traveling."</p>
<p>Louis nods, keeping silent as Perrie's fork suddenly clatters down onto her plate and she covers her eyes as she groans.</p>
<p>"Oh my god, I just realized I never asked if it was alright to have a dog in your house," she moans. "Talk about shit friends!"</p>
<p>Louis laughs loudly. "It's alright, Pez. If I didn't have my hands full with Freddie, I'd absolutely have a dog."</p>
<p>"Well," Perrie says, brightening up as she resumes eating, "you can share Hatchi. I don't mind."</p>
<p>Louis snorts. "Thanks."</p>
<p>A few minutes of silence pass as they continue eating. Freddie gets a handful of food into his mouth once every few tries, meaning most of his dinner ends up smeared across his high chair, on his face, or on the floor. Louis tries not to micromanage Freddie when he eats, but sometimes he does feel a little prickle on the back of his neck when Freddie continuously misses his mouth.</p>
<p>Freddie, on the other hand, doesn't seem to mind at all. It's entirely possible that he'd be perfectly happy getting his food all over himself for the rest of his baby days.</p>
<p>"I, umm, did have a thought," Perrie says carefully, bringing Louis' attention away from Freddie for a moment.</p>
<p>"Yeah? What about?"</p>
<p>"Well…" Perrie exhales sharply. "As far as I know, nobody's picked up on the fact that I'm living at your house."</p>
<p>Louis nods, though he's not entirely sure where Perrie's heading with this. But as soon as he <em>does</em> realize it he feels absolutely foolish and can't believe he didn't think of it sooner.</p>
<p>"I just think that people may get the wrong idea once it gets out that you're back in London and they put two and two together."</p>
<p>It's Louis' turn to groan and put his head in his hands. "I didn't even think about that."</p>
<p>"If you're having second thoughts about me living there, I completely understand," Perrie says quickly. "I mean, nothing's set in stone - we only <em>just</em> decided. We could un-decide."</p>
<p>"Don't be ridiculous," Louis replies. "God knows I've lived through this sort of bullshit before and come out stronger on the other side."</p>
<p>Perrie snorts with laughter in spite of herself and Louis narrows his eyes, realizing his choice of words didn't exactly prevent her reaction.</p>
<p>"Shut up, you know what I mean."</p>
<p>"I do," Perrie says, nodding. "And like, obviously it wouldn't bother me. I don't give a shit what anyone thinks about me anymore. I got my fair share of bullshit when Z--"</p>
<p>Her breath catches momentarily and Louis winces a little. He doesn't even want to imagine what going online must've been like after her breakup with Zayn; what awful things the general public probably said to her when she was going through one of the worst moments in her life.</p>
<p>"Fuck 'em," he says succintly. Both he and Perrie glance at Freddie and Louis snorts. "You didn't hear that, Fred."</p>
<p>Perrie bursts into laughter, setting Freddie into a fit of giggles even though he has no idea why she's laughing. Louis smiles as she gathers herself, wiping her eyes as her laughter fades.</p>
<p>"I agree, though," she says matter-of-factly. "We're just a couple of mates living together. Nothing wrong with that."</p>
<p>"Cheers to that," Louis replies as he raises his glass in the air. Perrie smiles as she clinks her own glass against Louis' and they both drink.</p>
<p>Later that evening, when Perrie's gone for the night and Freddie's sound asleep in bed, Louis pulls out his laptop and digs through his inbox until he finds the email address of the realtor who helped him buy the house in LA. He writes out a short email to inquire about putting the house on the market with his company, as well as what Louis would have to do to get it ready to sell.</p>
<p>He never did any drastic remodeling or refurbishing, nor has he destroyed any part of the house in the few years he's lived there, so he's hoping he could get around the same price he paid for it. The nice thing about already having somewhere to move to is that Louis doesn't necessarily have to worry about the sale taking ages.</p>
<p>After he sends that email, he opens up a blank email and addresses it to his mum. He pauses for a moment, wondering what exactly to say. In the end, he decides to send three simple words that should be more than enough.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>i'm coming home.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Part Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Louis never imagined he'd get so excited about planning a one year old's birthday party. In the back of his mind he knows Freddie will have absolutely no memory of this day and it's far more for him and his family than it is for Freddie, but it's the principle of the thing. It's a big milestone and he's going to celebrate it the best he can.</p>
<p>He and Freddie have been back in England now for about two months. It just happened to coincide with the end of Little Mix's latest tour, for which Louis is eternally grateful. Even with the help that his mum and siblings promised upon their return to England, Louis is still certain that everything went a lot smoother because Perrie was around to help out.</p>
<p>Luckily, the sale of the house in LA went through a few weeks ago so Louis is absolutely using Freddie's birthday as an excuse to celebrate that as well. Freddie doesn't particularly care either way; if he knew that he was going to get cake soon then he'd probably be far more excited.</p>
<p>Living with Perrie has been easier than Louis ever expected. She's the perfect roommate and absolutely a godsend when it comes to handling Freddie. It took him a while to get used to the new house but now that he is, he wants to explore literally <em>everything</em>. They can hardly take their eyes off of him for a second before he's crawling off to look at something he probably shouldn't be anywhere near. It's a relief that Freddie hasn't quite figured out door handles yet - which means he's still fairly confined to one room as long as the doors are closed. Louis keeps the door to the basement studio locked just in case anyway, he'd hate to have Freddie accidentally fall down the stairs.</p>
<p>It's been good introducing Freddie to Hatchi and vice versa as well. Freddie is <em>obsessed</em> with the tiny, fluffy dog and Hatchi luckily bonded with him right away and doesn't mind Freddie following him around everywhere. Perrie's and Louis' phones are already full of photos of the two of them because together they make the absolute cutest pair.</p>
<p>If Louis is being completely honest with himself, he has no idea what Freddie's first birthday would've been like if they'd still been living in LA. Surely his mum would've flown out for it, hopefully with his siblings, but the level of uncertainty even now fills Louis with anxiety. He's so thankful that he decided to move back before Freddie turned one because now he doesn't have to worry about it one bit. Freddie's first birthday is going to be the social event of the <em>year</em> (for Louis, at least).</p>
<p>His mum, Dan, and all of his siblings are coming. The lads have all promised to show up, as well as Lou and Lux and a number of others from their touring days. Louis told Perrie she could invite whoever she liked, especially since her family has already met both Louis and Freddie before, so in addition to her family the ladies of Little Mix are also going to make an appearance.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't normally think about this sort of thing in context, but he can't help but wonder what the internet would do if they knew about this prior to the actual day.</p>
<p>The thing is, Louis and Perrie living together has actually made even more of a splash than either of them thought it would. With Louis' permission Perrie started posting photos of Hatchi and Freddie to Hatchi's Instagram account, which led to fans finding out that it was Louis' son in the photos and <em>then</em> the gossip magazines took over. While he was relieved that they hadn't found out before and it at least started on their own terms, Louis was still rather surprised so many people seemed to care. Louis knew it would garner unwanted speculation, especially in the UK, but he expected it to blow over within a few months when the next inevitable scandal took place.</p>
<p>Instead, any interview that Perrie's given over the last few months has had at least three questions relating to her relationship with Louis. He feels awful about it, especially given that it keeps happening in interviews where she and the girls <em>should</em> be being asked questions about their music, but Perrie won't hear a word of apology about it.</p>
<p>She simply brushes the questions off, telling every interviewer the same thing: she and Louis are just friends, Freddie is the most adorable baby she's ever seen, and Louis is a wonderful father. "Anything else," she says time and again to Louis, "is none of their fucking business."</p>
<p>Louis feels so absurdly lucky to have Perrie in his life, especially when it comes to planning Freddie's party. The few parties he's planned in the last few years have been for older crowds and have concentrated more on copious amounts of alcohol rather than actual entertainment. Perrie has dozens of ideas of fun things they could do that Freddie would enjoy, not to mention the look of absolute <em>joy</em> on her face when they go shopping for party supplies.</p>
<p>She single-handedly transforms the living room into a birthday party dream and all Louis can do is say thank you a hundred times over.</p>
<p>"It's nothing," she says, smiling proudly as she looks at all the decorations. "I like doing this sort of thing." She looks at Louis with a cheeky edge to her smile. "Told you we didn't need a party planner."</p>
<p>"I stand corrected," he says, laughing as he raises one hand in defeat, the other occupied with holding Freddie on his hip. "Freddie may not remember any of this, but I'll never forget it, that's for sure."</p>
<p>Perrie grins widely and steps closer to him, gently tickling Freddie's tummy and laughing when he giggles wildly.</p>
<p>"Excited, Fred?"</p>
<p>He grunts in the affirmative and claps his hands together, making both Louis and Perrie smile. He's talking a lot more these days, but sometimes he still just takes to grunting or whining when he's happy or sad. Louis knows most of his noises by heart now and can translate them fairly well, and Perrie's a quick learner. Sometimes even she knows what Freddie wants before Louis does.</p>
<p>Hatchi barks excitedly as he runs circles around their feet, jumping and pawing at their ankles when he decides he's had enough of them not paying him attention. Perrie kneels down and scoops him into her arms, peppering kisses all over his head as he tries to lick her face.</p>
<p>"We know <em>you're</em> excited, Hatchi." Perrie laughs as she sets Hatchi back down on the floor and he takes off, doing laps around the room.</p>
<p>There's still a few hours until their guests are due to arrive, but Louis has a feeling his family is probably going to show up early to maximize their time together. As for the lads, he has no misconceptions regarding any of them apart from Niall for showing up on time.</p>
<p>Leaving Perrie fully in charge of the rest of the party preparations, Louis goes to put Freddie down for a nap so he'll be ready for the festivities later. It's not particularly easy today and Louis suspects that while Freddie doesn't fully understand what's going on, he knows <em>something</em> big is going to happen and if he goes to sleep he might miss it.</p>
<p>"It's alright, Fred," Louis murmurs softly as he rubs Freddie's back, trying to calm him down enough so he can fall asleep. "You can nap, it's okay. The party won't start without you, I promise."</p>
<p>"No," Freddie whines as he tries to wiggle away from Louis and towards the edge of the bed. Louis already built up a wall of pillows to prevent just that from happening, but he still puts his arm out to keep Freddie right where he is just to be extra careful.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't emerge from the bedroom until almost a full hour later. As he shuffles into the kitchen he starts to wonder if maybe he should've just stayed in bed with Freddie and had a nap before all the craziness begins.</p>
<p>His phone buzzes in his pocket and when he takes it out and glances at the name on the screen, his heart skips a beat. It's a text from Eleanor.</p>
<p>He wouldn't necessarily say they're friends at this point in time, probably more like acquaintances. It's mostly his fault and he knows that, what with how their relationship ended, but he's also been the one who's tried to reach out to mend things. He doesn't blame her for needing her space and mostly ignoring his attempts, but he does miss talking to her.</p>
<p>He'd texted her ages ago to let her know that he was moving back to London with Freddie, more of a heads up than anything else. He hadn't expected her to text back at all, and therefore wasn't entirely disappointed when she didn't. It didn't stop him from texting her about a week ago, though, to invite her to Freddie's birthday party.</p>
<p>Louis hadn't meant anything by it, really. Just a friendly gesture and nothing more. It hurt a little more than he thought it would when the whole week went by without a reply. That is, until right now.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>wish Freddie happy birthday for me. sorry I can't make it to the party x</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis takes a deep breath as he reads the text a few times over. Truth be told, even if she'd replied to his invitation immediately he hadn't expected her to say anything but no.</p>
<p>His heart swells a bit in his chest and he feels a little tightness in his throat as he types out a reply and sends it off before he can second guess it.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>will do x</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis exhales deeply as he slips his phone back into his pocket. He's not going to let this derail the day, even though there's a tremor in his hands that might say something entirely different. He chooses instead to push any and all thoughts of Eleanor out of his mind as he takes a glass out of the cupboard and fills it with water from the sink. As he turns around and leans against the counter, Hatchi comes trotting into the kitchen and Louis smiles down at him.</p>
<p>"Hatchi," he says politely as the tiny dog comes to a stop a foot or so away from Louis' feet.</p>
<p>Hatchi tilts his head as he looks up at Louis, but he doesn't make a sound. Louis is grateful that while Hatchi can be a bit of a yipper at times, he always seems to know not to make a lot of noise when Freddie is sleeping. Louis takes a drink before setting his glass down and kneeling on the floor to give Hatchi a few pets for being a good boy, but then a sound from the living room draws his attention and he pauses mid-pet.</p>
<p>He leaves the kitchen with Hatchi at his heels, whining softly in the hopes that Louis stops whatever he's doing and goes back to petting him. Louis comes to a full stop in the doorway to the living room when he sees that the source of the sound is someone he certainly didn't expect to see.</p>
<p>"Harry," he says, catching the attention of both Harry and Perrie, who are sitting on the sofa in the living room.</p>
<p>"There you are," Perrie says brightly, "I was just telling Harry that you've been trying to put Freddie down for a nap."</p>
<p>Harry gets up from the sofa and walks over to give Louis a hug, which Louis is embarrassed to admit it takes a few seconds for him to return the gesture.</p>
<p>"You're early," he says, for lack of anything better to say while he's still trying to process the fact that Harry somehow showed up before literally everyone else.</p>
<p>"It's nice to see you, too." Harry chuckles. "I thought maybe you might need a bit of help setting things up, you know I love a good party."</p>
<p>"It's a toddler's birthday party," Louis says, rolling his eyes as he falls into familiar patterns of taking the piss.</p>
<p>"My point still stands," Harry replies with a grin. Louis sighs softly and claps Harry on the shoulder.</p>
<p>"It's good to see you, Haz."</p>
<p>"Good to be here." Harry smiles and then looks back at Perrie. "Anything I can do to help?"</p>
<p>Perrie checks the time on her phone and clicks her tongue. "The caterers should be here in a minute, you can help out with that."</p>
<p>"Perfect," Harry replies as he turns back to Louis. "And the birthday boy's down for a nap?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says with another deep exhale. "Finally. We would've had a meltdown during the party if he hadn't gone to sleep, I know it."</p>
<p>"Good thing he's got his dad looking out for him, then."</p>
<p>Louis can't stop himself from rolling his eyes again. The doorbell goes off a moment later and Perrie jumps up to get it, Hatchi running after her as she heads for the door. The moment she's out of the room, Harry raises his eyebrows at Louis in the sort of manner that makes Louis suddenly feel very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Harry nods in the direction Perrie just went. "So. How's that going?"</p>
<p>Louis looks at him blankly for a few seconds and Harry clears his throat.</p>
<p>"You and Perrie," he says in the same sort of cryptic tone.</p>
<p>"We're … fine?" Louis says carefully. He's not sure what Harry's playing at but he's certain he doesn't like where this is going.</p>
<p>"Alright," Harry says, admitting defeat as he puts his hands up. "If you say so."</p>
<p>"I do say so," Louis replies matter-of-factly, "you fucking weirdo."</p>
<p>Perrie appears a moment later with a gaggle of caterers behind her and Harry immediately goes into a far more helpful mode, leaving Louis utterly bewildered by what just happened. The problem is, he has a sinking feeling that it won't be the last time he finds himself in that sort of situation today and the party hasn't even begun.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>By the time the party is in full swing, the house is positively bursting with people. Freddie has spent most of his party trying to follow Hatchi around as he investigates every single person's shoes. Louis is usually right behind them so as to ensure that neither of them get accidentally stepped on, but as a result it makes it rather difficult for Louis to speak to any of the guests for more than about twenty seconds at a time.</p>
<p>Thankfully nobody seems to mind too much. In fact, everyone seems to find it rather hilarious.</p>
<p>Louis finally scoops Freddie up off the floor when Hatchi runs off far too fast for the little toddler to follow, and they find themselves standing next to Sandy and his wife who happens to pregnant with their own first kid. Freddie starts half whining half crying about not being able to follow Hatchi any longer and Louis laughs a little.</p>
<p>"This'll be you two in a year," he says as he tries to calm Freddie down by bouncing him on his hip. "You ready?"</p>
<p>"Not in the least," Sandy admits. His wife laughs gently and pats her belly as she leans into Sandy.</p>
<p>"You'll be great," she says, and Louis turns away slightly when they share a kiss. Freddie's still staring at the ground in the hopes he'll spot Hatchi again and Louis takes the opportunity to weave back through the party so he can finally make the proper rounds like a good host.</p>
<p>He finds his mum and Lottie chatting with Perrie and Jade, and all four of them turn to coo at Freddie in his special birthday outfit. It's a little dirty from Freddie crawling around on the floor, but none of them seem to mind in the slightest.</p>
<p>"Happy birthday, little one!" Jade smiles widely as she tickles the bottom of Freddie's foot.</p>
<p>"Hatchi finally gave him the slip, eh?" Perrie says as Freddie giggles and pulls his feet out of reach of Jade's fingers.</p>
<p>"Give him here," Lottie says as she gestures to Freddie with grabby hands. "I haven't held him in ages."</p>
<p>"Alright, alright." Louis passes Freddie over and receives a hug from his mum once his arms are free. "You all having a good time?"</p>
<p>"Lovely," Jay replies with a warm smile. "Perrie was just telling us about your plans."</p>
<p>"Plans?" Louis repeats, momentarily confused.</p>
<p>"The nursery," Perrie explains, pausing slightly to give Louis a chance to catch up. "Remember? You said you wanted to redo one of the guest rooms for Freddie while he's still sort of young."</p>
<p>Louis blinks. He'd mentioned that in passing <em>days </em>ago and hadn't thought of it since. It wasn't even really a whole idea, it was mostly just something he thought he should probably be thinking about as a father of a young child. Freddie certainly wouldn't be sleeping in his bed forever; eventually Louis was going to have to give Freddie a room of his own.</p>
<p>"I think that's a wonderful idea," Jay says. As she starts listing all the reasons why it's better to take on a project like that while Freddie's still fairly young, Lottie wanders off with Freddie still in her arms. Louis watches as she moves through the party with ease, showing off her nephew to all the guests far better than Louis was able to five minutes ago.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't even realize the focus of the conversation is on him again until suddenly all three women are staring at him and he didn't even hear the question asked.</p>
<p>"What? Sorry," he says sheepishly.</p>
<p>"Boys," Perrie says with a playful roll of her eyes. "Start talking about home design and their eyes glaze over."</p>
<p>"Suppose that means he hasn't started picking out paint colors or anything," Jade plays along, a gentle tease in her voice.</p>
<p>Louis laughs, ducking his head as he shrugs his shoulders. "Just haven't given it much thought, really."</p>
<p>"I'm sure it'll be great, no matter what you pick." Jay smiles at him and pats his shoulder. "Now, why don't you go get yourself something to drink while Lottie has Fred? You look like you might need it," she adds in a lower tone.</p>
<p>"Cheers, Mum." Louis rolls his eyes but presses a kiss to his mum's cheek before he takes his leave of their company, heading for the kitchen while he has the chance.</p>
<p>As he's perusing his options, Niall appears alongside him and bumps his hip into Louis' as a way of saying hello. Louis knocks his elbow into Niall's side and they both laugh before sharing a hug. For a split second, Louis is transported back to what one might call <em>the good ol' days</em> and he's filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude that all of the lads actually came to Freddie's party.</p>
<p>"Having fun?"</p>
<p>"A blast," Niall replies brightly. "It's grand seeing everyone. Who knew our first reunion would be for little Fred's birthday?"</p>
<p>"Mad, isn't it?" Louis shakes his head. "Can't believe it's been a year already."</p>
<p>"Here's to many more," Niall says, lifting his glass in a toast despite Louis still not having picked out a drink for himself. Louis hastily grabs one and gently taps it against Niall's, not wanting to disrespect the honor of an Irishman's toast.</p>
<p>There's a small silence that follows as the pair walk out of the kitchen and hover near the door, not quite rejoining the festivities yet.</p>
<p>"Nice that Perrie's family came, as well." Niall gestures to the far corner of the room where Perrie's mum and brother are sitting with Leigh-Anne.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis replies, "they've come over a few times since we got back. Great people."</p>
<p>"Mm-hmm," Niall says in the sort of tone that's on the edge of <em>too</em> casual.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"I didn't say anything."</p>
<p>"You didn't have to," Louis says with a huff. Before he can goad Niall into telling him what's on his mind, Liam appears in front of them and bustles Louis into a hug.</p>
<p>"Good to have you back, Tommo," he says into the crook of Louis' shoulder.</p>
<p>"I've been back for months, you idiot," Louis says, "this is just the first time you've actually come 'round when I've asked."</p>
<p>"True," Liam replies as a light blush settles across his cheeks and he smiles, "<em>but</em> I'm still glad you're here. And Freddie too, obviously."</p>
<p>"Where is the birthday boy?" Niall wonders aloud as he glances around the room.</p>
<p>"Lottie had him, last I knew." Louis peeks around Liam's shoulder and spots Lottie talking with Lou Teasdale, but Freddie's no longer in her arms.</p>
<p>A small feeling of panic rises in Louis' chest as he scans the room quickly, the feeling growing larger and larger with every second that passes without him knowing where Freddie is. The rational part of his brain is trying to tell him that Freddie's in a house full of people who love him and would never let anything bad happen to him, but it's the irrational part of his brain that's yelling louder about all the things that <em>could</em> happen regardless.</p>
<p>It's all over in a matter of seconds when Louis spots Freddie safe and sound in Perrie's arms.</p>
<p>"There he is," Louis says with a soft breath of relief, and both Niall and Liam look in the direction of Louis' gesture. Liam's the first to look back at Louis, nodding his head towards Perrie and wiggling his eyebrows in the most Liam of ways.</p>
<p>"She's good with him, yeah?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis replies. "It's been great having her around. Freddie loves her."</p>
<p>"Sure looks like it," Niall says.</p>
<p>"How's it, living with Perrie?" Liam asks.</p>
<p>"It's… good?" Louis cocks his head to the side as he looks back and forth between Liam and Niall. "What's wrong with you two?"</p>
<p>"Nothing," Liam says, far too quickly for someone who isn't hiding something.</p>
<p>"What's going on?" Louis demands, giving them both accusatory looks now. "Harry was already fucking weird when he got here, and then <em>you--</em>" Louis points at Niall, "--had a tone, and now <em>you're</em>--" Louis points at Liam, "--asking me about living with Perrie, so out with it. What're you playing at?"</p>
<p>"Nothing!" Liam repeats.</p>
<p>"Honest, Tommo. We're just happy you're happy," Niall says as he claps Louis on the shoulder.</p>
<p>"You're both full of shit," Louis says as he rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>"Well…" Liam trails off as he and Niall share a look that Louis <em>absolutely</em> does not enjoy. "You know. You're living with Perrie."</p>
<p>"Yeah…"</p>
<p>"<em>Perrie</em>," Liam repeats as though saying her name again suddenly has a completely different meaning.</p>
<p>"<em>Yeah</em>…" Louis stares at Liam blankly and scoffs. He knows where they're going with this and he's not impressed in the slightest. "You're not serious, are you?"</p>
<p>"I'm just saying--"</p>
<p>"Oh my god," Louis groans.</p>
<p>"You can't blame us for wondering," Niall cuts in.</p>
<p>"You encouraged this!" Louis says, turning around to speak to Niall directly. "You knew we were becoming friends, why are you being weird about it now?"</p>
<p>"I'm not being weird, you're being weird!" Niall replies. "You seriously mean to tell me there's <em>nothing</em> going on with you and Perrie?"</p>
<p>"No!"</p>
<p>"But she's helping you with Freddie," Liam says, clearly confused by the whole situation.</p>
<p>"Yeah, because she's my <em>friend</em>," Louis replies, "not because I'm sleeping with her. Which, for the record--" Louis says in a very matter-of-fact tone when both Liam and Niall's mouths fall open,  "--I <em>never</em> have."</p>
<p>"So… you're not dating?" Liam asks.</p>
<p>"No!"</p>
<p>"You're just… roommates?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Louis says with an exasperated sigh.</p>
<p>"And you've never seen her naked?" Niall asks, far too curious for his own good.</p>
<p>"Fucking hell," Louis mutters as he laughs in disbelief. "I'm cutting the both of you off, you've clearly had too much to drink."</p>
<p>He shakes his head as he walks away, turning deaf ears on their apologies. On the one hand, he can't blame them for their curiosity. He certainly wouldn't have expected this turn of events in his life so he can see why his best friends have their share of questions. But on the other, he's a bit offended by the implication that he can't have a female roommate slash friend.</p>
<p>Louis tries to put their ridiculousness out of his mind as he re-joins the party, otherwise he might spend the rest of the time wondering if everyone else in the room is thinking the same thing.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>As much as Louis tries to concentrate on Freddie for the remainder of his birthday party, every time he's near Perrie he feels like there's a dozen or more pairs of eyes watching him. Granted, it's probably because he's holding Freddie more often than not, but ever since his former bandmates corrupted his mind he has a hard time thinking that everyone at the party doesn't think the same thing when they see him and Perrie together.</p>
<p>It comes to a head when it's time for Freddie to blow out his candles. Everyone gathers around to watch and practically every one of Louis' sisters has their phone out to film what's about to happen. The candle's lit and everyone is set to start singing happy birthday, only Louis doesn't see Perrie anywhere.</p>
<p>He finally spots her out of the corner of his eye, squeezing in next to Lottie. She smiles brightly at him when their eyes meet, and he nods his head in an attempt to get her to come closer. Her smile fades a little as she shakes her head in response, but Louis isn't about to take no for an answer.</p>
<p>She basically planned this whole thing, he'll be damned if she doesn't get a front row seat to the biggest part of the event.</p>
<p>"Get over here," he says. He laughs in surprise when he looks down to see Freddie sticking his fingers in the frosting and he tries to pull him back a safe distance. "Quick! Before Freddie destroys the cake!"</p>
<p>"Alright, alright," Perrie groans loudly as she carefully squeezes in next to Louis. "Only because you clearly need the help."</p>
<p>Louis beams widely as he leans down to look at Freddie, purposefully and outright ignoring the looks they're now getting from his bandmates. Clearly he can never invite any of them to anything ever again.</p>
<p>"You ready, Fred?" he whispers, pressing a kiss to Freddie's cheek as he claps his hands together, sending bits of frosting flying around.</p>
<p>Everyone in the house joins in singing happy birthday; a mixture of those who can sing and those who give a valiant effort, and all the while Freddie has absolutely no idea what's going on or why everyone's suddenly staring at him. Even Hatchi is heard yipping along from his hiding place somewhere near the table, no doubt running around everyone's legs.</p>
<p>"C'mon, Freddie!" Perrie urges, catching Freddie's attention. "Make a wish!"</p>
<p>"One, two, three!" Louis counts down, knowing full well that Freddie doesn't know how to blow out the single candle in the middle of the cake.</p>
<p>Both Louis and Perrie help him out in the end, and the house erupts with cheers as Louis swipes a bit of frosting from the top of the cake and lets Freddie suck it off of his finger. Perrie catches Louis' eye as it happens and she shakes her head, rolling her eyes as she fights a smile.</p>
<p>"What?" Louis grins. "It's his birthday, after all."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Perrie says as she grabs the nearby knife and starts cutting the cake up into bits for everyone to take.</p>
<p>The party starts to die down in the hour following cake, which means Louis has to start saying goodbye to his friends and family one by one. It's harder to say goodbye to his mum than he thought it would be, even though they already have plans to see each other in a few weeks.</p>
<p>"I'm so proud of you," Jay says as she hugs Louis and Freddie for around the fifth time in the last three minutes, "and everything you've done with Freddie and this house."</p>
<p>"Mum," Louis whines a little, feeling embarrassed. "I told you, the house came like this, it wasn't me."</p>
<p>Jay gives Louis a knowing smile which sets him a little on edge; he's not sure he trusts the look in her eyes as they dart around the room before settling back on Louis.</p>
<p>"If you say so," she replies.</p>
<p>"You're being ridiculous," Louis mumbles as he pulls her in for hug number six. Freddie whines when he's squished between them which makes for a much shorter hug than the ones before. "Love you, Mum. Thanks for coming."</p>
<p>"Wouldn't have missed it for the world," she says, pressing a kiss to his cheek and then Freddie's before stepping aside to let the twins give Louis hugs before they all head out the door.</p>
<p>Niall turns out to be the last of the lads to stick around. He pitches in on some of the cleanup before Louis catches him and tells him that he doesn't have to do that, he's a guest.</p>
<p>"So?" Niall replies as he grabs a few more plates and shoves them into the rubbish bag he's carrying around. "What's another pair of hands to clean up?"</p>
<p>"I appreciate it, but really, you don't have to."</p>
<p>Niall clicks his tongue, glancing around the room as though he's avoiding looking Louis in the eye.</p>
<p>"I, umm… sort of do, though. Don't I?"</p>
<p>Louis glances at Freddie who looks back at him with a slow, sleepy blink of his eyes. "D'you know what Uncle Niall's on about, Fred?"</p>
<p>Freddie doesn't answer, he just tucks his head in the crook of Louis' neck and sighs tiredly. Louis kisses his hair as he turns back to Niall, who's gone a bit red in the cheeks.</p>
<p>"Just… y'know. What we said earlier about… you and Perrie." Niall glances around, making sure Perrie's still out of the room as he takes a step closer to Louis. "We didn't mean it, y'know."</p>
<p>Louis rolls his eyes. "I know that, Nialler. I've known you too long to believe all the sh-- <em>stuff</em> that comes out of your mouth."</p>
<p>Niall snorts. "Good."</p>
<p>"You don't have to make up for it by cleaning," Louis says. "Just… don't bring it up again, alright?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, alright. Fair enough."</p>
<p>Niall sets the rubbish bag down and claps his hands together before leaning in for a hug. Freddie whines again and Niall laughs, rubbing a gentle hand up and down Freddie's back as he lets go of Louis.</p>
<p>"Partied too hard, eh, Fred? Just like your dad."</p>
<p>"Hey."</p>
<p>"When you're a bit older," Niall goes on, ignoring Louis' protest, "I'll tell you all about this time in Vegas, when your dad--"</p>
<p>"That's enough of that," Louis interrupts, "I won't have you corrupting my kid before he's old enough to know better than to listen to you."</p>
<p>Niall laughs loudly and claps Louis on the back. Louis shakes his head and accompanies Niall to the door, wishing him a safe trip home as he leaves.</p>
<p>The living room is empty when Louis re-enters. He goes towards the kitchen in search of Perrie and finds her there with Jesy, both of them looking at something on Jesy's phone while Hatchi lies on his back between them. He looks about as tired as Freddie does, clearly both of them have run out of energy in their tiny bodies.</p>
<p>"What's going on in here?" Louis says curiously as he hitches Freddie up so he's in a slightly more comfortable position.</p>
<p>"Nothing!" Perrie says far too abruptly for someone who has nothing to hide. When Louis turns to look at Jesy, she quickly hides her phone behind her back and gives him an innocent smile.</p>
<p>"Yeah… that's reassuring."</p>
<p>"No," Perrie says, "really, it's nothing, it's just--"</p>
<p>"Your sisters posted some pictures," Jesy says, a little hesitation in her voice. "And, well…"</p>
<p>Neither of them need to continue for Louis to understand where they're headed. It hadn't crossed his mind to tell his sisters not to post anything from the party today; they're proud aunts, how could he rob them of showing off their nephew?</p>
<p>Still… there is a small part of him that hoped they'd get through the day without the rest of the world seeping in and spoiling anything.</p>
<p>"What's the new rumor?" Louis asks with a sigh. "Or are they still insisting that Freddie's not mine?"</p>
<p>"Well, I won't lie, there's a bit of that," Jesy says, "but I'd say most of it is buzzing about you and Pez."</p>
<p>"Really?" Louis says, snickering softly at the look of absolute embarrassment on Perrie's face.</p>
<p>"It's all your own doing," she says as she points an accusatory finger at him. "Having me sit next to you for Freddie's cake."</p>
<p>"Oh yeah," Louis deadpans, rolling his eyes. "That's absolutely proof that we're sleeping together, innit?"</p>
<p>Jesy snorts before she starts laughing uproariously. Louis follows shortly after and, after a few seconds of unimpressed looks at the two of them, Perrie joins in as well. They all laugh until Freddie starts whining loud enough that it catches their attention and Louis immediately switches gears in an attempt to stave off a tantrum.</p>
<p>It's getting close to Freddie's bedtime anyway and he's had far too much fun today to stay up much longer.</p>
<p>"It'll be fine, Pez." Jesy puts her arm around Perrie's shoulders and kisses her cheek. "You know they all latch onto the stupidest things anyway."</p>
<p>"Too right," Louis agrees.</p>
<p>Perrie's mouth twists with uncertainty for a moment before she nods. "Yeah, I know. I just didn't want something like that to ruin Freddie's big day."</p>
<p>"It could never," Louis assures her.</p>
<p>"Alright, well…" Jesy clears her throat. "I ought to be going, and this little one is probably due for bedtime anyway." She tenderly clasps Freddie's socked foot with her hand and smiles at him. "Night, Freddie. Happy birthday."</p>
<p>"Thanks for coming," Louis tells her as she kisses his cheek.</p>
<p>"Thanks for having me, lovely party." She turns around and blows a kiss to Perrie. "Talk to you later, Pez."</p>
<p>"D'you need me to walk you out?" Perrie asks, but Jesy waves her off. Hatchi's found a bit more energy and trots across the kitchen floor, following Jesy as she leaves.</p>
<p>"I can find my way. Bye, you two."</p>
<p>"Oi, Hatchi, stay here," Perrie says, and the small dog whines a little as he plops right down in the middle of the doorway.</p>
<p>"Never one to feel left out, is he?" Louis teases gently as Perrie steps closer towards him, leaning in to smile at Freddie's sleepy face. He's clearly exhausted from all the party fun and needs to be put to bed.</p>
<p>"Did you have a good day, Fred?" Perrie asks softly.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Freddie replies sleepily.</p>
<p>"Good, I'm glad. Let's get you to bed, yeah?"</p>
<p>Freddie nods and then hooks his arm over Louis' shoulder. Louis chuckles softly as he rubs Freddie's back and carefully steps over Hatchi as he starts making his way upstairs. He doesn't expect Perrie to follow but he finds himself feeling a bit relieved when she does.</p>
<p>There's a moment when they reach Louis' bedroom where the opportunity for a meltdown on Freddie's behalf seems like it could be imminent, but Perrie starts singing just in the nick of time.</p>
<p>"Moon river, wider than a mile. I'm crossing you in style someday," she sings softly, catching Freddie's attention and holding it.</p>
<p>Louis goes about taking Freddie's party clothes off and changing him into a nighttime diaper along with some comfortable sleep clothes.</p>
<p>"Two drifters off to see the world," Perrie sings as Louis gently puts Freddie down in his crib. His eyes are already drooping as he reaches for his favorite stuffed dog. "It's such a crazy world, you'll see."</p>
<p>By the time Perrie finishes singing, Freddie's fast asleep.</p>
<p>They both stand still for a few minutes, watching Freddie's chest go up and down as he breathes. It's something Louis does most nights, if he's being honest, even though Freddie rarely wakes up in the middle of the night anymore.</p>
<p>Louis is suddenly struck with a wave of nostalgia as memories of Freddie's first week flash through his mind and his chest starts to feel a bit tight. He struggles to swallow down his feelings and keep the tears at bay; his baby boy is already a year old, where did the time even <em>go</em>?</p>
<p>Despite standing behind him Perrie seems to have felt the sudden shift in Louis' demeanor because she lays a gentle hand on his shoulder and coaxes him out of the room and back down the stairs. Hatchi is waiting for them at the bottom and he yips softly, enough to make a sound but thankfully not loud enough to risk waking Freddie.</p>
<p>"You alright there, Dad?" Perrie teases softly.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says with a sniff. "Just… y'know."</p>
<p>"He's growing up," Perrie replies knowingly.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"I know," Perrie chuckles. "He's not even my kid and I can't believe he's a year old already."</p>
<p>"Glad it's not just me," Louis says, laughing softly.</p>
<p>Perrie bends down and scoops Hatchi up into her arms, cooing at him when he licks at her face. Louis heads for the living room, intent on cleaning up the party mess before heading to bed himself, and Perrie follows.</p>
<p>Conversation flows naturally between the two of them as they trade stories from the party while Louis gathers all the plates and cups and Perrie takes down the decorations. They make a good team, each one offering up help before the other even has to ask. Together (with Hatchi as their one-dog cheerleading squad) they manage to tidy up the whole mess in about forty-five minutes.</p>
<p>"That wasn't so bad," Perrie says as she gives Louis a tired smile.</p>
<p>"Nah," Louis shakes his head as he sits down on the couch with a sigh, "glad we didn't leave it for the morning, if I'm honest."</p>
<p>"Me too." Perrie sits down beside him and Hatchi jumps up onto her lap, enthusiastically accepting the pets she gives him.</p>
<p>It's a comfortable silence which allows Louis' mind to wander back to the text he got from Eleanor earlier in the day. He takes his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through his inbox, trying to remain unaffected when he sees that she hadn't sent anything further.</p>
<p>"You sure you're okay?" Perrie asks.</p>
<p>Louis jumps a little and quickly turns his phone screen further away from her, as though he's been caught doing something naughty. The look on her face is of genuine concern which leads Louis to think he wasn't doing quite so well with hiding his feelings as he thought he was.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's just…" Louis sighs a little and then turns his phone back around to show Perrie the text. "It's stupid but, I invited Eleanor to come today."</p>
<p>Perrie carefully takes Louis' phone and looks at the texts, handing it back to him a few seconds later without scrolling up further to see all the other messages he's sent her in moments of desperation.</p>
<p>"It's not stupid," Perrie says. "She was an important part of your life for a long time." Perrie gives him a soft, sympathetic smile. "Still is, isn't she?"</p>
<p>"Sort of," Louis replies. He glances at the texts one more time before locking the screen and putting his phone back in his pocket. "It's weird, it's been over a year now since we last really talked and yet sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday, y'know?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Perrie says quietly. "I know."</p>
<p>Louis swallows hard. He hadn't thought about how talking about Eleanor might drudge up some similar feelings about Zayn for Perrie. He's grateful for the way things ended on mostly decent terms between him and Eleanor, even though she doesn't speak to him. He can't imagine how awful it would've been if their relationship had imploded and splashed across every celebrity rag in the world. By all accounts, they were lucky.</p>
<p>"Sorry," he mumbles. Perrie doesn't say anything, she remains focused on Hatchi. When Louis glances at her, he sees that her eyes are a bit wet but he chooses not to comment on it. The last thing he wants to do is make it worse than he already has.</p>
<p>The silence between them stretches for another few minutes before Perrie yawns loudly.</p>
<p>"Reckon it's time for bed, yeah? I'm bloody exhausted."</p>
<p>"So am I," Louis replies as he gets up from the couch, holding out his hand to help Perrie up to her feet.</p>
<p>They climb the stairs together, Hatchi having taken the lead and run up before them and straight into Perrie's room. Louis lingers when he reaches the top of the stairs, waiting a few seconds for Perrie to meet him.</p>
<p>"Thanks for everything," he says. "Really, I… I dunno what I would've done without you."</p>
<p>Perrie waves her hand as she smiles at him. "All I did was hang a few streamers."</p>
<p>"It was more than a few," Louis teases.</p>
<p>"Alright, alright." Perrie laughs. "I'm a one-woman decorating machine."</p>
<p>"Too right." Louis grins. "Really, though. Thank you."</p>
<p>"You're welcome," Perrie replies with a warm smile. "I wouldn't have missed it for the world."</p>
<p>It's definitely not something they normally do, but in the moment it feels right. They both lean in for a hug at the same time, wrapping their arms around each other and holding on. Louis hardly even realizes he's done it until Perrie's pressed against him.</p>
<p>There's no funny business about it; in that moment Louis doesn't spare a single thought to what the lads said earlier at the party. He's just hugging a very dear friend after a very long day.</p>
<p>Both of them pull back at the same time and they swap similar smiles before bidding each other good night and retiring to their separate rooms. The first thing Louis does after closing the door to his room is switching on the baby monitor. He breathes a sigh when he sees Freddie's little face still fast asleep and he carefully sets it down on the side table next to his bed.</p>
<p>After a cursory brushing of his teeth and discarding his party clothes, Louis slips under the covers of his bed and lets out a deep breath. A smile slowly spreads across his face as he thinks about the party and he feels an overwhelming sense of gratitude towards Perrie for everything she did to help. He wasn't lying before, he really doesn't know what he would've done if she hadn't been around to help.</p>
<p>A sad thought slightly taints his good mood a moment later when he thinks about the fact that she'll be going on tour in a few weeks and she won't be around the house for a long while. He's been trying not to think about it, especially not the effect it may have on Freddie who's still a little too young to understand that when someone goes away it's not for forever. Louis hopes that Freddie's age will work in his favor in that when Perrie comes back between the various legs of the tour, he'll hardly remember that it's been ages since she was last home.</p>
<p>What he hadn't thought of before was the fact that Perrie's obviously going to take Hatchi along with her on tour and what <em>that</em> is going to do to Freddie. It's no secret that Freddie practically thinks of Hatchi as his best friend and it breaks Louis' heart to think about how upset Freddie is going to be without the little furball for weeks on end.</p>
<p><em>Maybe I'll get a dog</em>, Louis thinks to himself as his eyelids start to droop. <em>I bet Freddie would like having two dog friends. I wonder if Perrie would like another dog.</em></p>
<p>Louis slowly drifts off to sleep and dreams about surprising Freddie with another puppy. In his dream Freddie's older than he is now, old enough to run after this puppy and try and teach it all the tricks that Hatchi already knows. But also in this dream, Perrie's right by Louis' side. She's smiling and laughing at Freddie and the dogs, but when she turns to Louis, they share a kiss.</p>
<p>But the dream fades away when Louis wakes up the following morning; it's back to the real world and Louis hardly spares it a second thought. All that's left of the dream is the idea of getting another dog.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Another year and a half passes by in the blink of an eye. Freddie is already two years old - nearly two and a <em>half</em> - and Louis just can't believe it. He's an absolute chatterbox and Louis is continuously astounded that he can understand most of what Freddie says. There are still times when he has to ask Freddie to repeat himself and even <em>then</em> he still has no idea what his son is saying, but they're working on it.</p>
<p>In that time their little family has also expanded to include a new dog, Clifford. He was a puppy when they got him (exactly a week after Perrie went on tour and took Hatchi with her) but he's grown to almost three times his original size in just a year. Freddie absolutely <em>adores</em> him and is constantly trying to climb onto Clifford's back like he's a horse. It might've worked when Freddie was younger, but now they're too close in size for it to be possible.</p>
<p>Hatchi, on the other hand, took a bit of convincing to come around to Clifford. He tried to stake his claim as the alpha dog, which was absolutely <em>hilarious</em> to Louis given that Hatchi was like a quarter of the size of Clifford when he was a puppy, but Clifford didn't really seem to care all that much. Hatchi would bark and bark, and all Clifford had to do was lie down on top of the little dog to make him be quiet.</p>
<p>Now they're practically inseparable.</p>
<p>Louis still calls his mum every week, though sometimes it's more like two or three times a week to ask for parenting advice. When Louis spoke to his mum a few days ago, she said that Freddie might be ready to try potty training soon and Louis about had a breakdown. On the one hand, he's more than happy to entertain the idea of not having to change any more dirty diapers. But on the other, there's something about potty training that really takes away the label of "baby" and that sort of breaks Louis' heart.</p>
<p>His mum might be right about Freddie being ready for potty training, but Louis doesn't know if he is.</p>
<p>Perrie, of course, thinks he's being just the tiniest bit ridiculous. She's been saying that for a while now, especially with Louis' first trip back to the States coming up soon. She finally managed to convince him to let his friends talk him into taking a trip for a music festival, and there's less than a week to go now. While Louis does want to go and he's looking forward to having a bit of lad time, he can't seem to stop himself from offering to stay in London instead.</p>
<p>"I don't <em>have</em> to go," he says for about the hundredth time, judging by the unimpressed look Perrie gives him. "I'm just saying--"</p>
<p>"I know what you're saying," Perrie interrupts as she gently takes Freddie's fork away from him after he's spent the last few seconds banging it against the table.</p>
<p>"No!" Freddie whines as he reaches for the fork. "I want it!"</p>
<p>"We've told you, Fred," Louis says as he takes the fork from Perrie and keeps it out of Freddie's reach. "Forks are for eating, they're not musical instruments."</p>
<p>Freddie only whines louder and keeps reaching for the fork, but Perrie doesn't let it distract her from the task at hand.</p>
<p>"You've been wishy-washy for weeks now," she goes on.</p>
<p>"I haven't been <em>wishy-washy</em>," Louis grumbles.</p>
<p>"Sure you haven't," Perrie replies, scoffing with laughter. "You've already bought the tickets, Lou. Your mates are excited to go, and you're going. End of story."</p>
<p>"Alright, <em>Mum</em>."</p>
<p>Louis glances over at Freddie, who's stopped whining because Clifford has come over to investigate all the food that's currently stuck to Freddie's hands. Freddie is more than happy to share his food with Clifford, much to the chagrin of both Louis and Perrie.</p>
<p>"Oi, Cliff, <em>no</em>." Louis tugs on Clifford's collar, pulling him away from Freddie's sticky fingers.</p>
<p>"No!" Freddie starts whining again, clearly upset over nothing going his way.</p>
<p>"You know better, Fred. No people food for the dogs."</p>
<p>"Can I have fork?" Freddie asks, reaching out with his little grabby hand again.</p>
<p>"How do you ask nicely?"</p>
<p>"Can I have fork back <em>please</em>?" Freddie asks, punctuating every word with a tiny grunt.</p>
<p>"Alright," Louis relents, giving Freddie back the utensil. "But remember what I said."</p>
<p>"Okay," Freddie says as he goes back to stabbing his food and pushing it around his plate.</p>
<p>When Louis looks back at Perrie, she's fighting a smile and looking off to his side. Louis turns his head to see Clifford sitting patiently at his side, looking hopeful.</p>
<p>"Go on, Cliff. You ain't getting anything from me," Louis says, laughing as he gently nudges Clifford away with his foot.</p>
<p>"Poor Clifford," Perrie says as the dog slinks away from the table, exiting the room altogether.</p>
<p>"He's a menace," Louis replies. "Are you sure you'll be able to look after him <em>and</em> Hatchi <em>and</em> Freddie?"</p>
<p>"For the millionth time, <em>yes</em>." Perrie rolls her eyes.</p>
<p>"I don't have to g--"</p>
<p>"Louis," Perrie warns. "If you say what I think you're going to say, then there'll be no dessert for you."</p>
<p>Louis rolls his eyes and pouts.</p>
<p>"It's like having a house full of children, I swear." Perrie shakes her head. "Besides, your mum already said she'd come down for a day while you're gone. <em>And</em> my mum said she'd drop by at some point, so honestly, Lou. It'll be <em>fine</em>."</p>
<p>"I know," Louis replies softly. He looks over at Freddie and smoothes down a bit of his unruly blonde hair. "I'm just… y'know. I worry."</p>
<p>"I know," Perrie says with a smile. "You're a dad. Of course you're going to worry. But you're going to go have a fun long weekend and before you know it, it'll be back to dirty diapers and markers all over the wall."</p>
<p>Louis groans. "Don't remind me. I've got to get that painted over still."</p>
<p>"I think you should leave it," Perrie says, shrugging. "Gives a bit of class to the hallway."</p>
<p>"Yeah, alright." They both laugh and Freddie joins in, though it's clear he's got absolutely no idea why they're laughing.</p>
<p>The week leading up to Louis' trip goes by in a blur of activity until suddenly it's the morning of and Louis is in a tailspin trying to get everything ready. It certainly doesn't help that Freddie has picked today to have a total meltdown and Louis feels absolutely wretched about leaving him with Perrie in this state.</p>
<p>"He'll be okay," Perrie assures him even as Freddie's wails reach decibels that are sure to damage the hearing of everyone around him.</p>
<p>"But…" Louis groans as he checks the time, weighing the options of trying to stick around until Freddie calms down at the risk of being late for his flight. He's already got half a dozen texts from Oli and Calvin and he can't really afford to waste any more time.</p>
<p>"He'll calm down," Perrie says, "and we'll have a snack and read some stories." She puts her hands on Louis' shoulders and gives him a little shake. "Go, Lou. I'll send you loads of updates, alright?"</p>
<p>"Alright," Louis answers reluctantly. He gets down on Freddie's level and tries to kiss him goodbye, but it's a futile effort when Freddie's in a state. "Love you, Fred. I'll be back in a couple of days, love."</p>
<p>He can still hear Freddie screaming bloody murder as he closes the front door behind him, but the sound becomes muffled once the door latches. He only wastes a few more seconds still debating whether or not to go back inside, but the car that's taking him to the airport is already in the driveway.</p>
<p>Louis feels anxious the entire ride to Heathrow and he keeps checking his phone for messages from Perrie. He's resisting the urge to text her and see how Freddie's doing; he knows she's perfectly capable of taking care of him herself and the last thing he wants to do is become an awful helicopter parent or whatever they're called.</p>
<p>What he really needs to do is stop going down rabbit holes of internet searches that lead him to parenting blogs full of awful stories of parents just doing <em>too much</em>.</p>
<p>There's a rush of relief when he meets up with the lads, getting a round of hugs and claps on his shoulders. Each one of them says how good it feels to be back together and Louis feels the same way. He knows it's been too long since he went out for a proper night with his friends from home and a weekend away might be just what he needs.</p>
<p>Just before he's about to turn his phone to airplane mode, a video from Perrie comes through. In the thumbnail he can see it's a video of her and Freddie; he's sitting on her lap and while his face is still fairly red from all his crying, it's not screwed up like he's mid-scream.</p>
<p>He puts in his headphones before he presses play, and feels a rush of fatherly affection when he sees Freddie staring into the camera.</p>
<p>"There now, isn't that better?" Perrie murmurs as she peppers kisses across Freddie's cheek. "Wanna tell your dad what we had for a snack?"</p>
<p>"Peanut butter!" Freddie announces proudly, though his attention drifts to something offscreen as Perrie tries her best to keep him wrangled.</p>
<p>"Peanut butter and what?"</p>
<p>"Crackers!"</p>
<p>"That's right." Perrie laughs fondly and tries to get Freddie looking at the camera again. "Can you say 'have fun, Dad'?"</p>
<p>"Have fun, Dad!" Freddie repeats dutifully, losing interest in whatever's offscreen and going for Perrie's phone instead. The video cuts out a few seconds later and Louis chuckles softly.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>glad he calmed down. i'm on the plane now, i'll text you when i land.</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p><em><strong>safe travels!!</strong></em> Perrie replies a moment later, and then Louis switches to airplane mode and leans back in his chair. Oli's to his right and he nudges Louis' elbow.</p>
<p>"Glad you decided to come, mate."</p>
<p>"Me too," Louis replies, surprising himself when he actually means it. He'd been nervous about leaving Freddie but now that he's on the plane and there's really no turning back, the nerves have dissipated. Freddie's in good hands and Louis deserves a long weekend away.</p>
<p>The excitement of being on holiday does little to quell Louis' nerves about leaving Freddie at home, it turns out. Louis spends much of the first full day of the festival texting Perrie and constantly checking his phone for replies. Either his friends don't notice it on the first day or they simply don't comment on it, but either way by the evening Louis has to focus on something other than his phone since Perrie's gone to bed.</p>
<p>The second day, however, his friends aren't as understanding.</p>
<p>"That's enough of that," Calvin says as he snatches Louis' phone right out of his hands. Louis goes to reach for it and smacks Calvin upside the head when he's unable to.</p>
<p>"Dick! Give it back!"</p>
<p>"Unless you're getting nudes or something, I'm not giving it back!" Calvin says, holding Louis' phone higher out of his reach. "You were on it all fuckin' day yesterday!"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says, grunting as he tries to wrestle his phone back from Calvin, "texting Perrie who's <em>taking care of my kid</em>, or don't you remember?"</p>
<p>"Lou," Oli says as he slips his arm around Louis' shoulders in an effort to diffuse the situation. "Fred's fine. Perrie's got things under control."</p>
<p>"He's right," Calvin says, still holding Louis' phone above his head. "Do you really wanna waste this weekend worrying about shit that's out of your hands?"</p>
<p>Louis huffs.</p>
<p>"Or," Oli says as he pushes a can of beer into Louis' hands, "do you wanna get fucked up?"</p>
<p>Louis snorts in spite of himself. A smile works its way across his face as he looks back and forth between two of his best friends in the world, and he shakes his head before bringing the can up to his lips and taking a long sip from it.</p>
<p>Calvin and Oli both cheer, taking his gesture to mean that he's finally going to join in on the weekend shenanigans.</p>
<p>"You've gotta give that back, though," Louis says, pointing to his phone. "Just in case."</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah." Calvin hands it back and taps his beer can against Louis'. "But if I catch you texting, I'm throwing it into the crowd."</p>
<p>"You're such an arsehole," Louis mutters as he shoves his phone into his pocket and immediately goes for a shot to Calvin's nuts.</p>
<p>Oli and Louis have a good laugh at Calvin's expense as he writhes around on the ground groaning, but it's all in good fun. He flips Louis off and demands he pays for the next round, which Louis is all too happy to do.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Despite both Freddie and Perrie bringing it up on numerous occasions, Louis only agrees to take Freddie to his first concert ever when he's three years old. (Or, if you ask Freddie, he's three and three quarters and very, very proud of it.)</p>
<p>It's a Little Mix show because Louis can't think of any other show he'd take Freddie to, especially when he's watched dozens of concert videos of theirs over the last three years. He's got a wealth of Little Mix merch to boot, half of which is specially made for him because Perrie and the girls absolutely adore seeing him in their merch.</p>
<p>Louis supposes he should've expected Freddie to be a huge fan of Little Mix, given their housemate, but as Freddie gets older and starts to understand what the band means in terms of Perrie being gone for half the year, Louis can't help but start to worry. Freddie's always so sad for the first few weeks when Perrie goes on tour.</p>
<p>There have been more than a few instances where Freddie reverts in his childhood progress, usually resulting in bathroom accidents and more often than not demanding to sleep with Louis in his bed rather than in his own. Louis doesn't mind sharing a bed with Freddie, even though he can be a bit of a kicker in the middle of the night, but it breaks his heart to see his kid so upset.</p>
<p>Perrie does what she can to keep in touch, but Louis knows firsthand how hard it can be. Days blend into each other when you're on tour and you might think it's only been a day or two since you last spoke to someone, when in reality it's been closer to a week. It's absolutely maddening and it just makes homesickness even worse.</p>
<p>Louis does the best he can to put on a brave face, to send her photos and videos of Freddie when he's happy (which he is, 95% of the time). He and Freddie dutifully keep track of all the tour dates on Freddie's very own calendar; marking down the days until Perrie's on break and can come home.</p>
<p>They mark the day of their concert with as many stickers as the small space allows, and every morning Freddie proudly announces how many days they've got left until Perrie comes home as well as how many are left until they get to go and see Perrie perform.</p>
<p>The London shows for Little Mix's tour fall between dates in Sheffield and Birmingham with almost a week of off days mixed in, which means they get to have Perrie back home with them for the first time since September. Freddie is positively buzzing that morning, constantly getting distracted from whatever Louis is trying to have him do (eat breakfast, read a story, even go potty) by asking what time it is and swearing that he's heard the front door open.</p>
<p>He runs to the door no less than a dozen times in the span of two hours, though every time he's heard absolutely nothing at all and Perrie isn't home yet. Louis is thankful that they don't really do naptime anymore unless it's absolutely necessary, because there's just no <em>way</em> that Freddie would ever be able to fall asleep amidst all the excitement.</p>
<p>When Perrie finally does come home, with Hatchi in tow, the house is absolute chaos. Clifford and Hatchi tear around the house, barking and playing with each other while Freddie talks a mile a minute while he's holding onto Perrie's wrist with a tiny death grip. He drags her around to show her all the things he's done while she's been away: all the drawings he did (many of which are inspired by the Little Mix tour videos Louis lets him watch), all the new toys he's gotten (a good amount of guilt toys from Louis because he just hates seeing Freddie sad), and even a few things that Louis himself has bought for the house just because.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't even get a chance to say hello to Perrie until Freddie <em>finally</em> lets go of her in his haste to run upstairs to grab something else to show her. She turns around to find him sitting peacefully on the couch in spite of the chaos (though the dogs have gone through the doggy door in the kitchen and are currently running around the backyard, according to the muffled barks they can hear), and she sighs heavily as she plops herself down next to him.</p>
<p>"Hiya," he says, laughing softly. "Good to be home?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Perrie says, groaning loudly as she makes herself comfortable against the couch cushions. "It'll be nice to have some proper days off after this."</p>
<p>Louis tilts his head, smiling as he remembers the beacon of light that days off used to be when he and the lads were on tour. As much fun as every show was, Louis knows all too well the effects of nonstop grueling travel.</p>
<p>"Freddie's glad to have you back," Louis says with a hint of amusement.</p>
<p>"He is, isn't he? Just a bit." Perrie laughs and glances over at Louis. "What about you?"</p>
<p>"Only a little," Louis replies, holding his thumb and forefinger less than an inch apart. Perrie rolls her eyes and pushes his hand away.</p>
<p>"Missed you too, jerk."</p>
<p>Louis laughs and looks away for a moment, feeling a bit serious all of a sudden. "Been a bit weird, this time around."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" When Louis looks back at Perrie she's got a look of concern on her face. "How so?"</p>
<p>He waves his hand at her, a little dismissively. "Nah, it's nothing."</p>
<p>Perrie doesn't get a chance to badger him into telling her what he means, because Freddie comes barreling back into the room and immediately clambers up onto the sofa and onto her lap. He's got at least four storybooks with him and wants her to read all of them to him immediately, much to Louis' chagrin.</p>
<p>"Give her a chance to breathe, lad." He ruffles Freddie's hair and tries to take a few of the books. "Why don't you let me read one first?"</p>
<p>"No, I want Perrie to read it!"</p>
<p>"Okay, okay," Perrie says, ever the tension diffuser. "It's alright, Fred, I'd love to read these to you." She settles him half on her lap, half pressed up against the sofa. "Been missing a good storybook, me."</p>
<p>She looks over at Louis and winks as she opens up the first story, dutifully reading the title page and author before starting in on the story.</p>
<p>"I'll grab us a snack, yeah?" Louis says as he gently shakes Freddie's foot before getting up from the couch. Neither of them reply but it doesn't bother Louis. He glances at the sweet scene over his shoulder as he heads for the kitchen, looking to scrounge up whatever non-messy snacks the house has to offer.</p>
<p>As he rummages through the cupboards, Louis curses himself for what he said to Perrie. He hadn't meant to say it, not really. Just because it's the truth doesn't mean he needed to speak the words into existence.</p>
<p>He'd missed Perrie, sure. It was hard not to when Freddie missed her so much, his feelings tend to bleed into Louis' psyche whether he wants them to or not. He missed her like he missed the lads during those first few months of the break. It's hard to go from seeing someone every day to seeing them hardly at all.</p>
<p>But even with the similarities, there's something about missing Perrie that feels different. Louis can't put his finger on it but really, he doesn't even want to try. There's a slight fear there that it could morph into something more and all he wants right now is for everything to stay the same. Stability is important for a toddler, Louis knows that all too well. But speaking for himself, he wouldn't mind the stability either.</p>
<p>Instead of causing himself more mental anguish, Louis focuses on the task at hand. He gathers up an array of snacks and brings them into the living room, setting them up on the coffee table so they're ready to go whenever they're wanted. He settles back into his spot on the couch and listens to Perrie as she continues reading the storybook, smiling fondly at the enraptured look on Freddie's face.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Freddie wakes up absurdly early the following morning. It doesn't bode well for the night ahead, given that they'll be out far past Freddie's usual bedtime. It was hard enough to get him to go to bed the night before because he <em>really</em> didn't want to be separated from Perrie now that she was back home. Louis half expected Freddie to spend another evening demanding to sleep in the big bed, but what he certainly did <em>not</em> expect was for Freddie to ask Perrie to join them.</p>
<p>Both Louis and Perrie shared an identical look of hesitation and uncertainty, neither one quite knowing how to just say <em>no</em>. When it became clear that Freddie was absolutely not going to take no for an answer, Perrie took the situation into her own hands.</p>
<p>"How about we sit with you, in <em>your</em> room, until you fall asleep?"</p>
<p>Louis was overwhelmingly thankful that she'd come up with a reasonable compromise, and even more so that Freddie agreed to it with minimal whining. Unfortunately for Louis, he ended up sitting on the floor next to Freddie's bed (with Clifford lying next to his feet) because it was already nearly too small for a child and an adult to be anywhere near comfortable, let alone a third person.</p>
<p>It was a relief when Freddie fell asleep easily and the pair could then retire to their own rooms, leaving Clifford asleep on the floor, ever protective of his favorite little human.</p>
<p>But now it's barely seven in the morning and Louis has been rudely awakened by Freddie clambering up onto his bed, far too excited for this early in the day. Louis gets it, he really does, but he's definitely regretting agreeing to this whole thing before it's even started.</p>
<p>"Lad," he says tiredly as he tries to pull Freddie in for a cuddle, "the show's not for another twelve hours."</p>
<p>"But <em>Dad</em>," Freddie whines, struggling against Louis' hold.</p>
<p>"I know you're excited, but we've still got some waiting to do." Louis sighs a little as Freddie slumps down onto the bed beside him, huffing loudly.</p>
<p>"I don't like waiting," Freddie mumbles miserably.</p>
<p>Louis kisses the top of his head and hums against his hair. "I know, lad. Neither do I."</p>
<p>Miraculously, Louis manages to get another hour and a half of sleep out of Freddie before he gets all wiggly and antsy again. He knows full well it's futile to try and get him to stay in bed any longer, so Louis gets up and the two of them head downstairs together to make breakfast.</p>
<p>Breakfast goes about as well as Louis expected, especially given that Perrie and Hatchi appear downstairs about halfway through and end up derailing the meal entirely.</p>
<p>Perrie obviously didn't mean to cause a ruckus purely by getting out of bed and Louis knows it. He tries not to let his frustration show on his face when Freddie starts demanding to be let out of his high chair. Louis tries in vain to get Freddie to eat a few more bites while Perrie makes a cup of tea for herself. By the time she's made it back to the table, Freddie is raring to go.</p>
<p>He takes off as fast as his little legs can carry him, running out of the dining room with Hatchi right behind him. He shouts that he's going to get some toys for them to play with and that Perrie should stay right there.</p>
<p>It's sweet, how excited he is to have Perrie home and how badly he wants to spend as much time as he can with her. Louis tries not to be offended; Freddie loves him, Louis knows that. They've spent practically every day together since Freddie was born. Socialization with others is important, or so Louis has been told a hundred times over.</p>
<p>Freddie has a few friends his own age, most of them being other kids at the local playground Louis occasionally takes him to. He's a little social butterfly which means that when he starts school he'll no doubt have dozens of friends in no time at all. Louis can't help but think he may as well get used to being ignored now; before he knows it, Freddie will be a teenager. (Or, at least, that's how it happened according to his own mum.)</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Perrie says, snapping Louis out of his own thoughts.</p>
<p>"Hmm? What for?"</p>
<p>"Distracting him," she says, gesturing at Freddie's forgotten breakfast. "After you went to all that trouble."</p>
<p>Louis shakes his head and pulls Freddie's plate closer to his own, dumping the remains onto it as he smiles at Perrie.</p>
<p>"All the more for me," he says, his smile growing wider as he scoops up a large portion and brings it to his mouth.</p>
<p>"Disgusting," Perrie says fondly as she takes a sip of her tea.</p>
<p>Freddie comes barreling back into the room a few seconds later, talking so fast that half his words get lost before they even make it out of his mouth. Hatchi dances around him and Perrie, clearly just as excited as Freddie is.</p>
<p>Perrie listens intently to everything Freddie says, though it's clear to Louis that she doesn't necessarily understand absolutely every word. He doesn't either, but it's definitely the thought that counts when it comes to toddlers. Freddie in particular doesn't mind repeating himself a few times if it means he's getting attention.</p>
<p>The morning bleeds into the afternoon with more games played between the three of them and lots of storybooks read aloud. But when the time comes for Perrie to head off to the venue, Freddie is devastated that he can't tag along.</p>
<p>Louis very nearly gives in when Freddie asks if they can join her, but he knows better than anyone that if they did go they would just be in the way. Unfortunately there's no good way to explain that to a two-year-old, so Louis has to resign himself to being labeled the villain for a few hours.</p>
<p>It's a relief when he can finally say <em>yes</em> to Freddie's persistent pestering of 'can we go now?' Louis planned ahead to have a car come pick them up and take them to the O2, and it's quite possible he's never seen Freddie as happy as he is when the text alert that the driver is on the way comes to Louis' phone. Freddie is practically running laps around the house while Louis tries to get the both of them ready.</p>
<p>Louis expects to feel weird about going to the O2 as a spectator rather than a performer, but somehow it's less strange than he thought it would be. Perrie gave them both passes that get them backstage and Freddie happily agrees to Louis' suggestion of a tour (and a promise that they'll find Perrie somewhere around). Wandering around the winding halls feels familiar even though Louis has to remind himself that he won't be running into Niall or Liam or anyone from One Direction's team around any of the corners.</p>
<p>They do happen to run into Perrie and the girls and Freddie immediately rips his hand away from Louis' and goes barrelling down the hallway, right into Perrie's arms. The girls fawn all over Freddie especially but each of them greets Louis in turn, saying how happy they are to have them both here.</p>
<p>"Reckon Fred's your biggest fan at this point," Louis jokes.</p>
<p>"He may have to fight my nephew for the title," Jade jokes back, giving Louis a wink.</p>
<p>"No trouble getting in?" Perrie asks once the hubbub caused by their arrival has subsided. She's got Freddie balanced on one hip, though he's surely getting heavy by now and Louis wonders if Perrie's going to hold him for much longer.</p>
<p>"Nah, none at all." Louis smiles as he waves his hand around. "Not sure if getting to our seats will be as easy, though."</p>
<p>"We can surely get you an escort, just say the word," Perrie says with a smile.</p>
<p>"Might do, yeah." Louis shakes his head, laughing slightly. "Probably should've thought of that meself."</p>
<p>"That's what I'm here for," Perrie replies brightly.</p>
<p>Louis and Freddie stay backstage while the opener is on, choosing to head to their box seats during the intermission. Louis carries Freddie and they're accompanied by a rather large man who's part of the venue's security team. As it turns out, he's been working for the O2 long enough that it's entirely possible Louis has met him before and doesn't remember.</p>
<p>They chat easily on the way to the VIP boxes, taking a route that ensures Louis doesn't get mobbed by any fans milling about the arena. Freddie is a little disappointed when they get to the box, mostly because they're far away from the stage and he's worried that Perrie won't be able to see them at all.</p>
<p>Louis crouches down to Freddie's level to give him a hug before explaining that Perrie's the one who got them these seats and therefore she'll know exactly where they are.</p>
<p>"She'll be onstage soon enough and you can wave to her to remind her, if you like."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Freddie says, looking up at Louis with his big, blue eyes. "Promise?"</p>
<p>"Promise," Louis says, pressing a kiss to the top of Freddie's head.</p>
<p>By all accounts, Freddie's first show is a complete success. He has an absolute blast watching Little Mix, and somehow he manages to make it all the way through the show without falling asleep. (He does end up falling asleep on their way out of the venue, but it's so far past his bedtime that Louis isn't surprised at all.)</p>
<p>Long after he's tucked Freddie into bed and crawled under the covers in his own, Louis gets a text from Perrie. She'd told him earlier that she'd be staying with Jesy that night so as to not disturb either of them by coming home late, so he hadn't expected to hear from her.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>in case you thought you'd gotten away with being sneaky tonight ;)</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Her text is accompanied by several screenshots of tweets from various fans, each one with various grainy photos of both him and Freddie in the VIP box. He rolls his eyes as he scrolls through a few of the tweets, chuckling to himself as he skims the caps lock screaming. They're all fairly similar in that they each think they've uncovered some part of a larger conspiracy by spotting Louis at a Little Mix show. Clearly his being there means that he and Perrie are fully dating, as the fans have apparently long suspected.</p>
<p><em><strong>oh no they've found us out whatever will we do?</strong></em> Louis replies, shaking his head as he locks his phone and sets it down for the night.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Life returns to normal, or as normal as can be expected when Perrie's only home for a week before tour starts up again. Both Louis and Perrie think it's sweet that Freddie practically follows her around the house the whole first day she's back, but it changes slightly when the time comes for Freddie to go to bed.</p>
<p>Getting him upstairs is one thing, as is getting him into his pajamas. But the worst comes when it's time for him to get into bed and Perrie goes to leave the room. He immediately starts crying and no amount of comfort from Louis will do.</p>
<p>"Don't go!" Freddie wails as he reaches out for Perrie from where he's tucked into Louis' arms.</p>
<p>"I'm right here, don't worry!" Perrie kneels down beside the bed and takes one of his hands into her own. "I'm not going anywhere tonight, love."</p>
<p>"Stay," Freddie says, his bottom lip wobbling as he sniffles. "Right here." He's clutching Louis' shirt just as tight as Perrie's hand and it looks like he's going to burst into tears again any minute.</p>
<p>"Fred, we can't," Louis says gently. "We don't all fit in your bed, lad."</p>
<p>The dam breaks and Freddie starts crying again. Louis and Perrie share a look, neither of them know what to do in the moment.</p>
<p>"What about if we had a cuddle in the big bed?" Perrie says hesitantly, like she's trying to gauge Louis' reaction at the same time as Freddie's. "Just til you fall asleep?"</p>
<p>Freddie stops crying, blinking his big, wet tears away as he looks up at Louis. "Can we?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says. There's no other answer he could possibly say in that moment, not with Freddie looking at him like that.</p>
<p>It's a terrible idea; it's reinforcing bad behavior and Louis <em>knows</em> that but one night can't hurt, right?</p>
<p>The thing is, it's not just one night. It's <em>every</em> night for the whole week. Both Louis and Perrie know that it's because his routine has been disrupted and they do their very best to assure him that the next few weeks will fly by, though it's hard when they all know Perrie will have to leave again for Australia in December and everything will be thrown off all over again.</p>
<p>It's not exactly comforting to Freddie when he's in the midst of a tantrum, especially when he's already so tired from the day, but their one saving grace is Facetime. It's loads easier when Perrie's on their side of the world; she and Freddie have a standing lunchtime Facetime date every single day while she's away - and they modify it to a morning/evening session during the tour in Australia.</p>
<p>The only downside for Louis (apart from seeing the sad look on Freddie's face far too often) is that Freddie wakes him up absurdly early every morning so they can call Perrie. It's not so bad once Freddie gets used to sleeping in his own bed again but there's just no easy way to get used to being woken up at the crack of dawn by a toddler.</p>
<p>Luckily Louis is not usually a large part of their conversations; Freddie can hold the phone by himself and he's allowed to do so provided he stays on Louis' bed while he does so. This leaves Louis free to remain mostly horizontal and drift in and out of the conversation. It inevitably ends with Freddie crawling on top of him after he's hung up with Perrie, usually demanding to run downstairs to mark another day off the calendar.</p>
<p>Today is no different, Louis discovers, as Freddie launches himself directly onto his chest. The phone just narrowly misses hitting Louis in his face and he carefully takes it out of Freddie's hand as the toddler settles.</p>
<p>"Three days til Mummy comes home!" Freddie declares as he falls back onto Louis' pillow.</p>
<p>Louis nearly drops his phone over the side of the bed and his heart honest to god stops.</p>
<p>"What was that, lad?" he asks, somehow managing to keep his voice steady as he loses his fucking mind on the inside.</p>
<p>"Three more days!" Freddie repeats, rolling onto his belly and being entirely oblivious to what he'd said before and the effect it had on his dad. "Can we go mark it now?"</p>
<p>He starts to wiggle his way off the bed and Louis has to quickly collect himself before Freddie runs out of the room all on his own. He tries his best to put it out of his head, but Freddie's voice saying "Mummy" rings too clearly for him to be able to properly ignore it.</p>
<p>He can't ask Freddie about it - he's learned by now that toddlers don't tend to respond to specific questions unless it's about what's happening in that specific moment. If he pushes too much, Freddie will likely shut down.</p>
<p>So Louis spends the bulk of breakfast in a haze, desperately trying to reason with himself. He's being ridiculous, he knows that. Perrie's an enormous part of Freddie's life, it's only natural that he'd come to think of her as a mother figure. But he's never - <em>never</em> - called her anything close to Mum before. He's never called her anything other than Perrie, at least as far as Louis knows. It's not something they've ever discussed, mostly because it's not something Louis had ever even fathomed before.</p>
<p>The problem is, there's no one he could possibly tell about this that would have an objective opinion about it. None of the lads would take it seriously, they'd all immediately take the piss. His mum would undoubtedly take on the sort of tone that would make Louis groan with embarrassment. She wouldn't tease him but he's not blind or dumb - he knows his whole family is secretly hoping he and Perrie will end up together.</p>
<p>The only person he'd even consider talking to about this would be Perrie herself, but he can't find the courage to do so. It could be so simple, just one text - <em><strong>freddie called you mum today, isn't that funny?</strong></em></p>
<p>But there's a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach that's keeping him from doing just that. He's avoided these sort of thoughts for so long, mostly because they'd never really crossed his mind. He'd bushed them off so easy when the lads were acting weird at Freddie's first birthday; all nudging elbows and knowing looks.</p>
<p>It was so simple then to roll his eyes, to tell them all off for being twats. Louis never thought about this even when Perrie was in his <em>bed</em>, for god's sake. It should still be that easy to <em>not</em> think about it - so why isn't it?</p>
<p>Sure, Louis hasn't been on a date in a long while. He's been in Dad Mode since Freddie was born, he's barely had time for anything else. Not to mention that even despite everyone else's thoughts and opinions, Perrie had never been in that mental category anyway.</p>
<p>Even before their current living situation she'd been firmly in the Friend's Girlfriend category. Even if Zayn wasn't exactly considered a friend anymore, it was a little harder to relabel Perrie in his head. The "girlfriend" bit had been dropped ages ago, he'd never thought about bringing it back - especially not to apply to his relationship with her. That's just madness, isn't it?</p>
<p>"Dad," Freddie whines, pulling him out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>"Yeah? Sorry, love." Louis blinks a few times before he springs into action, getting Freddie cleaned up and letting him out of his high chair. Freddie bounces off towards the living room to play while Louis makes quick work of their breakfast dishes.</p>
<p>He feels so foolish for letting himself get into a right tizzy over one silly little word. It doesn't mean anything, not really. Nothing has to change just because Freddie happened to call Perrie "Mummy" once. Who knows what could happen if he were to tell her about it. The last thing Louis wants to do is ruin the good thing they've got going.</p>
<p>Perrie's the best thing that's happened to the both of them and Louis certainly isn't about to do anything to mess it up and risk screwing up Freddie's life.</p>
<p>It's not like Louis has gone and caught feelings for her or something ridiculous like that, anyway. He's chalking this all up to never having heard Freddie call anyone "Mum" before. Surely it was just a shock to his system and nothing more than that. To think it's anything more would just be stupid and Louis is definitely not stupid.</p>
<p>Besides, he hasn't felt like anything's been missing in his life these last few years. If he hadn't noticed and been bothered by his dating life (or lack thereof) before, there certainly wasn't any reason to change that perspective now.</p>
<p>He's still young, after all. There'll be plenty of time to date again when Freddie's older.</p>
<p>Not that he's thinking about dating Perrie, of course. Because he's not. At least, that's what Louis tells himself.</p>
<p>On the surface, he's dumb enough to believe it. But deep down, the seeds are starting to take root. It's only a matter of time before they'll grow into something even Louis won't be able to ignore anymore.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Part Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As hard as it is to believe, Freddie's first day of primary school is tomorrow. They've been counting down for weeks and Freddie is absolutely buzzing with excitement. The one downside is that Perrie's promo schedule just happened to conflict with the start of the school year and therefore she's in America and can't send him off properly.</p>
<p>Louis, to be fair, is doing a fine job of keeping his shit together when in reality he's absolutely losing his mind in wondering where the last four and a half years have gone. All week he's been getting choked up for no bloody reason at all and has taken to hugging Freddie a little too tight every chance he gets.</p>
<p>It's not like he hasn't known this was coming, that the day would come when Freddie would have his first official day of school. Hell, it's not even a full day! Louis is going absolutely mental over a measly four hours. If anything, he should be as excited for this time as Freddie is.</p>
<p>And yet… he can't find it in himself to be. What with Perrie in America and Freddie taking this next big step in his life, four hours on his own feels like it could be an eternity. Louis just doesn't know what he's going to do with himself to pass the time.</p>
<p>He wakes up that morning still not knowing, but there's an air of excitement in the house even he can't ignore. There's a text from Perrie waiting on his phone, sent only 20 minutes earlier.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>let me know when you're up so i can facetime!! big day!!!</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis smiles as he reads it, slowly getting out of bed and making his way to Freddie's room. He's not surprised to see Freddie already up, sitting in bed with a storybook open in front of him.</p>
<p>"Morning, Fred," Louis says with a fond smile as he comes into the room and sits down on the edge of Freddie's bed. "Too excited to sleep?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Freddie says as he crawls out from under his blanket and curls into Louis' side.</p>
<p>"Perrie's texted," Louis says, showing him the screen. "Up for a good luck Facetime?"</p>
<p>"Yes!!" Freddie says excitedly. "Call her!!"</p>
<p>"Alright, alright," Louis laughs and puts his arm around Freddie, pulling him close as he presses the button for Facetime on his screen. Perrie's face pops up a few minutes later and Louis finds himself smiling almost as wide as both Freddie and Perrie.</p>
<p>"Happy first day!!" Perrie says, her voice filled with excitement despite the fact that she looks moments away from falling asleep.</p>
<p>Freddie launches into saying how excited he is and what he's going to wear and what his little bag looks like, even though Perrie already knows all of this. She doesn't mind in the least and listens intently as though she's hearing it all for the first time.</p>
<p>"Lad," Louis gently interrupts when Freddie is about to tell her all about the classroom they visited all over again, "we've got to get going or we'll be late. Let's let Pez go off to bed, yeah?"</p>
<p>"Okay," Freddie says sadly. "Will you be here when I get home from school?"</p>
<p>"Oh, love." Perrie frowns. "I would if I could."</p>
<p>"She's in Los Angeles, Fred," Louis reminds him. "You know that."</p>
<p>"Oh, right." Freddie sighs. "I wish you were here."</p>
<p>"Me too, love. But I'll be home in three days, remember?"</p>
<p>"Three days," Freddie repeats.</p>
<p>"Just three more sleeps," Louis says as he kisses the top of Freddie's head.</p>
<p>"I'll call you later, yeah?" Perrie says, putting on a big smile again. "You can tell me all about your first day."</p>
<p>"Okay!" Freddie grins, easily appeased by this promise. "Bye Perrie!"</p>
<p>When it's time to drop Freddie off at school, Louis is absolutely fine. He feels perfectly normal all the way through the ten minute drive to the school and there's no reason for him to get all in a tizzy now. But as he brakes to a stop in front of the school and puts the car in park, his heart does a bit of a backflip inside his chest.</p>
<p>He plasters a smile to his face as he turns around in his seat to glance back at Freddie, who's already pulling at the belts on his carseat.</p>
<p>"Ready, Freddie?"</p>
<p>"Yeah! Let's go!!"</p>
<p>Louis silently reminds himself to take deep breaths as he opens the door and makes his way to the backseat to get Freddie out. If not for Louis hanging onto his hand, Freddie would've taken off like a rocketship towards his classroom. He practically pulls Louis' arm off in his excitement to get inside, saying over and over that Louis is being too slow.</p>
<p>The moment they get to the door, Freddie manages to pull himself free and he runs off towards the first toy he sees. He immediately starts chattering away with some of the other kids while Louis just stands awkwardly in the doorway holding Freddie's bag.</p>
<p>After a minute or so, Freddie's teacher comes up to him with a knowing smile on her face, and even though Louis knows exactly how this conversation is going to go, it doesn't make it any less embarrassing.</p>
<p>"You doing alright, Dad?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," he answers sheepishly. "Should've expected he'd run off like that."</p>
<p>The teacher nods, glancing over at Freddie for a moment before she smiles at Louis again. "Stay as long as you like," she tells him gently before moving on to look after the children.</p>
<p>Louis hesitates in the doorway for a little while longer before he carefully walks over to where Freddie is and crouches down next to him.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna take off, Fred," he says as he sets the bag down next to Freddie. "Here's your bag, you gonna be okay?"</p>
<p>"Yep!" Freddie answers without even looking at him, which Louis hates to admit breaks his heart a little bit.</p>
<p>"Alright," he says quietly. He runs his fingers through Freddie's hair before kissing the top of his head, trying not to feel too rejected when Freddie squirms out from under him. He's too enthralled in playing with these new toys to care that his dad is close to tears.</p>
<p>Louis holds it together all the way back to his car, and when he's in the driver's seat he shuts his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. He feels absolutely ridiculous despite the fact that he <em>knows</em> this is a perfectly normal reaction to this sort of thing.</p>
<p>"Get a hold of yourself," he mutters. "It's not even a whole day."</p>
<p>He sniffs loudly as he starts the car, pulling up his mum's contact on his phone before he's even pulled away from the curb.</p>
<p>"How're you doing, love?" she says immediately and Louis relaxes a bit, laughing softly.</p>
<p>"Harder for me than it was for Fred," he admits.</p>
<p>"It always is," Jay replies. "I cried for a good hour after dropping you off on your first say. I was an absolute mess." She chuckles and then sighs softly. "But I'm glad he got in okay."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis laughs. "He was so excited, practically tore me arm off."</p>
<p>"I'm not surprised one bit," Jay replies with another laugh. "Got anything planned for yourself this morning? It's good to stay occupied so you're not just sitting watching the clock all day."</p>
<p>"I know, I know." Louis clears his throat. "Y'know, I've got some things to do," he lies. "Emails to answer, that sort of thing."</p>
<p>In reality, he has no real plans for how he's going to spend the next few hours. Answering emails isn't entirely a lie as he's sure there are messages he's been needing to read through for a while. But if he's honest with himself then he'll undoubtedly he'll end up in his home studio making music rather than dealing with the business side of things, like he usually does.</p>
<p>"Good," Jay says. "Call me if you get bored, love."</p>
<p>"Will do, Mum. Love you."</p>
<p>Once Louis pulls into the garage and turns off the engine, he sits in his car for a good five minutes staring blankly into space. He's managed to make a list of things that he ought to do while he's got this time to himself, but he's feeling more scatterbrained than usual. It's entirely likely that even if he tried his best to complete all the tasks he's keen on doing, he'd end up with more than half of them done poorly.</p>
<p>Then again, there's always the mindless chores around the house that he could do; tidying up after Freddie, doing dishes and cleaning, that sort of thing. They've got a housekeeper who comes once a week for a good thorough cleaning so neither Louis nor Perrie have to be <em>that</em> vigilant when it comes to keeping the house super clean, which is good overall because it's one of Louis' least favorite things to do.</p>
<p>He wanders around the house a bit when he finally gets out of the car, silently walking from room to room with no real reason behind his movement. Clifford dutifully follows him all around the house, nudging at Louis' hands for pets whenever he stays in one place too long. In the end Louis sits down on one of the couches in the living room with a photo album on his lap and Clifford settles by his feet.</p>
<p>He'd never even thought about doing a photo album, what with not having a proper camera other than his phone, but it was something his mum had suggested back when Freddie was only a baby. She kept telling him about how much he loved their photo albums when he was a kid, and how nice it would be for Freddie to have something tangible instead of another digital collection.</p>
<p>Louis spends ages staring at the first few pages. They're full of photos of Freddie as the tiniest little bundle and it's so weird to look at them now and think about how small he used to be versus how big he is now. Louis remembers exactly how it felt to hold Freddie in his arms then, how easy it was to keep him entertained when everything was brand new.</p>
<p>Not that Freddie's difficult to entertain now, but his attention span is far shorter than it was when he was an infant and that can sometimes be a little frustrating.</p>
<p>Louis continues flipping through the pages, coming to a stop when he reaches photos of the day he moved back to England. His mum and sisters had all come down to greet him, and they'd all taken about a million photos of every little thing even though they'd all been to the house before. But this time was different than the last; this time he had Perrie living with him.</p>
<p>There's a photo of the two of them in the living room with Freddie in Louis' arms. He's trying to get Freddie to look at the camera, but Perrie's looking at the two of them. Louis honestly doesn't remember having ever seen this photo before, but looking at it now has an effect on him that he hadn't expected.</p>
<p>He's choked up, is the thing. He'd been emotional enough looking at the photos of Freddie as a baby, but this is different. From here on in, most of the photos feature Perrie. There's loads from Freddie's first birthday featuring little Fred with about a dozen different people, and most of the time he's in Perrie's arms.</p>
<p>There's photos of all of Freddie's firsts, along with photos of just normal days at home or out at the park. There are even photos stuck in of Perrie and Freddie featuring ridiculous Snapchat or Instagram filters that still make Louis roll his eyes at the sight of them. But he can't deny the fond feeling that's growing bigger in his chest, becoming harder to ignore.</p>
<p>When he reaches the end of the album Louis gets up, tucking it under his arm as he heads off towards his office. He's got some photos from this morning that he can print out and add to the collection, and he may as well do it now before he forgets. Clifford rouses himself from his nap on the floor and follows Louis, once again curling up at his feet when Louis sits down at his computer.</p>
<p>He smiles the whole way through the process, hardly ever taking his eyes off of the big cheesy grin that Freddie flashed at him when he took the picture this morning. It's the quintessential first day of school sort of photo, making it absolutely perfect for the album.</p>
<p>But as soon as he slips the photo into the sleeve of the page, something pops into Louis' mind that turns his whole world upside down.</p>
<p>Out of nowhere, he thinks about adding <em>wedding photos</em> to this album. Not just any wedding, mind you, but <em>his and Perrie's </em>wedding.</p>
<p>Instead of squashing the idea as quickly as it came, his mind goes further and thinks about having more kids. Filling albums with photos of Freddie and his siblings, documenting every step of the way along Perrie's pregnancies in the way he didn't get to do with Freddie.</p>
<p>Louis, rightfully so, drops the album in the midst of having a mild panic attack. He thankfully misses Clifford but disturbs him all the same. Clifford sits up enough that he can put his head on Louis' lap, pressing his head against Louis' hands and doing a very good job of helping Louis calm down a bit.</p>
<p>He's <em>never</em> thought about that sort of thing before. Not even when Freddie called Perrie "Mum" that one time, ages ago. He's always kept a level head when it comes to his relationship with Perrie because they're friends, nothing more. Anything happening between them could risk ruining what they've got now, and what they have now is too good to mess up.</p>
<p><em>What does this even mean?</em> Louis asks himself. <em>I don't even fancy Perrie, why would I think about marrying her?</em></p>
<p>This leads Louis down a rabbit hole, as it were. Because once he starts wondering about his feelings towards Perrie and whether or not there's anything more than friendship there, he can't stop. He thinks about how good she is with Freddie, how well they all get along as a pseudo-family.</p>
<p>And then he starts thinking about the time they've spent together, just the two of them. It's always been easy, sort of like how it was with Eleanor. The last time he'd thought about the possibility of dating Perrie, he'd immediately crossed it out as something that could never happen.</p>
<p>But… Freddie's getting older. Stability is important for any child, Louis knows that, but he could probably handle Louis starting to date again. And it'd be even easier if Louis were to date someone Freddie already knew.</p>
<p>"Oh god," Louis groans as he buries his head in his hands, "this is not happening, stop thinking about it," he tells himself. Clifford whines softly and tries to lick Louis' face, likely in an effort to comfort him.</p>
<p>But Louis' inner thoughts only betray him further when he closes his eyes, ignoring the roughness of Clifford's tongue. He starts thinking about how he's seen Perrie in all sorts of situations over the years: all dolled up to go out, on lazy mornings with no makeup at all and crumpled pajamas, on bad sick days when she's holed herself up in her room so as to try and not get either Louis or Freddie sick.</p>
<p>All things considered, Louis has loved her for a long time. He's just never considered the love to be anything different than what he feels towards any of his friends, til now.</p>
<p><em>Perrie is fit, though. And it's been a </em>long<em> time since...</em></p>
<p>Louis' eyes snap open. He curses himself for going down that road for even half a second, because now it's all he can think about.</p>
<p>"Fuck, fuck, <em>fuck</em>!" Louis swipes the photo album up off the floor from where it fell and sets it down on his desk before exiting his office as quickly as possible with Clifford at his heels.</p>
<p>He ends up in the back garden with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter next to him, chain-smoking his stress away. Clifford stays nearby, keeping an ever-watchful eye on his master.</p>
<p>The real issue is, Louis has dug himself into a hole that he doesn't see a way out of this time. It's very possible that he may have just fucked everything up without saying a word.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>It's an absolute relief when Freddie's school day is over. Louis gets to the car park a full ten minutes early with Clifford in the back seat, far too eager to have a distraction from his disastrous brain. After his debacle with the photo album, he spent the rest of the morning in his basement studio with the intention of trying to work on a mix for a new band he's been collaborating with as a producer. In the several hours he spent in the studio, he ended up only spending a third of the time actually working on said mix. The rest of it was spent scribbling down all of the thoughts in his head and hoping that someday they might turn into lyrics worth something.</p>
<p>When Freddie comes barreling out of the doors, Louis finally has the distraction he's been waiting for.</p>
<p>Louis nearly topples over when Freddie bounds into his arms, already eagerly recounting every minute of his day. Louis can hardly get a word in edgewise other than the occasional noise of interest but it doesn't even matter. With Freddie talking nonstop about every little detail of his first day of school and Clifford barking excitedly in response, Louis doesn't have a moment to spare to think about anything else.</p>
<p>That is, until Freddie pauses for the briefest of moments and asks what Louis did while he was gone. It's a little bit of a ploy; Louis knows he's really only asking so he can get a sense of just how much he was missed while at school, but it's enough to send Louis' mind reeling all over again.</p>
<p>"Uhh, nothing really, lad," Louis finally says after too many seconds of awkward silence. "Mostly just sat around and missed you."</p>
<p>He pulls Freddie into a hug, kissing the top of his head and tickling his sides until Freddie's laughing so much he nearly falls off the couch entirely.</p>
<p>"Can we call Perrie?" Freddie asks eagerly a few minutes later. "I wanna tell her about my day!"</p>
<p>"Y-Yeah," Louis replies uneasily. "Sure thing, Fred."</p>
<p>He can't hesitate in getting out his phone and texting her, not with Freddie watching so intently. He doesn't think that Freddie will notice the slight tremble in his fingers, but it certainly doesn't stop them from shaking.</p>
<p>"Just have to make sure she's up," Louis tells him as he sends off a quick <em><strong>fred's home from school, what are you up to</strong></em> text.</p>
<p>Freddie sighs as though waiting a few extra minutes is the worst possible thing in the entire world at that very moment. He drapes himself across Louis' lap and Louis chuckles lightly as he runs his fingers through Freddie's hair, wondering just where he got his flair for the dramatics as it certainly couldn't have come from him.</p>
<p>Luckily for Freddie, Perrie texts back a few minutes later and the second Facetime call of the day follows soon after. This time around Louis lets Freddie hold his phone, which may have been a mistake because Freddie is so excited to tell Perrie everything that he starts running laps around the living room as he talks. Clifford rouses himself from his bed in the corner and starts following Freddie as he goes, turning it into even more of a game.</p>
<p>Louis can hardly do anything but sit and watch as his ridiculous son makes himself dizzy and runs out of breath nearly every twenty seconds. He tries to tell Freddie to calm down a bit, to sit still so Perrie can actually understand him, but it's no use trying to wrangle an excited five year old. All he can do is sit back and hope that the safety precautions he's taken with his phone hold out in the possible chance that Freddie drops it onto the floor.</p>
<p>(Granted he's had a protective case and screen protector on every phone he's had since Freddie got old enough to start grabbing for it; plus it's not as though Freddie's tall enough to cause any real damage if he does in fact drop it.)</p>
<p>After Freddie finishes telling Perrie all about his day, he dumps Louis' phone into his lap and takes off for his room, shouting a goodbye to Perrie as he goes. The Facetime call is still connected as Louis picks up his phone, and he gives Perrie a sheepish sort of smile.</p>
<p>"Bit excited, isn't he?" she says with a laugh.</p>
<p>"Just a bit," Louis replies, pinching two of his fingers together and chuckling under his breath. Clifford, who gave up on following Freddie up to his room, comes and leans against Louis' legs and huffs tiredly as he nudges his head against Louis' knee in an effort to get some pets.</p>
<p>"And how're you doing, dad? Find something to do today while little Fred was gone?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says as he scratches Clifford behind the ears, "y'know, just lazed about the house with Cliff for a while. Worked on some music." Louis clears his throat, pointedly not mentioning the photo album debacle even though it's the first thing he thought of. "That sort of thing."</p>
<p>"Oh? Music for somebody else or…" Perrie trails off, raising her eyebrows a little as she waits for Louis' response.</p>
<p>They've talked about this a few times, how even after all these years Louis <em>still</em> isn't sure if he wants to try out a solo career. Plenty of opportunities have arisen for him to pursue it if he wants, but he's always said no in favor of raising Freddie. But now that things are changing, and especially given what he went through today, Louis is starting to consider it a little more seriously than before.</p>
<p>"Might've been for me," Louis admits sheepishly, feeling his cheeks tinge with mild embarrassment when Perrie cheers.</p>
<p>"Can I hear it when I come home? Or is it not ready yet?"</p>
<p>"Not quite ready," Louis says. "But I'll let you know."</p>
<p>"Good," Perrie replies with a smile.</p>
<p>Louis smiles back, but the voice in his head is cursing him for even bringing it up. If there's one thing Louis knows about Perrie, it's that she never forgets when something is promised. Even if he never brings this up again, he knows it won't be the last he hears of it.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Something happens when Perrie comes home that Louis honestly should've seen coming a mile away. His mum had warned him before Freddie's school even started that they might face a little regression because of the big change, but Louis hadn't really taken it to heart. He was sure that if that was going to happen, it would've happened already.</p>
<p>But the first night Perrie was home turned out to be an utter disaster when it came time for Freddie to go to bed. He'd been practically hanging off Perrie all day long and he absolutely did not want to leave her side for more than a few minutes, let alone to go to bed. No matter how hard Louis tries to get him to calm down and go upstairs for bed, Freddie just won't have it.</p>
<p>Between his cries and the stream of constant "no!", five minutes of this feels like a lifetime. Freddie crawls into Perrie's lap and sobs against her shoulder, saying he doesn't want to go to bed without her. He doesn't outright say "what if you're not there when I wake up," but the sentiment is there all the same.</p>
<p>"Why don't we go lie down in my bed?" Perrie suggests as she rocks Freddie back and forth, trading worried looks with Louis. "We can have a cuddle, alright?"</p>
<p>Freddie's cries slow down to sniffles as he looks up at her with wide eyes. "We can?"</p>
<p>"Of course!" Perrie kisses Freddie's forehead. "I never turn down a cuddle with you, love. C'mon, up you get."</p>
<p>Freddie slides off Perrie's lap and takes her hand in his own, leading the way towards the stairs. Louis trails behind a little, but climbs the stairs after them and follows into Perrie's bedroom. He hasn't been in there since before she left on her promo tour, and it's a bit of a mess given that she's only just come home.</p>
<p>Hatchi springs out of his spot in her suitcase, where he's been getting his fur all over her clothes just the way he likes it, and waddles his little behind over to the bed as Perrie and Freddie climb into it.</p>
<p>"Dad," Freddie whines, making grabby hands at Louis as he stands next to the bed.</p>
<p>"Yeah, lad?"</p>
<p>"You too," he demands as he thumps the other side of the mattress with his little fist.</p>
<p>Louis hesitates, glancing at Perrie as he continues to stand perfectly still. Clifford brushes by him, following Hatchi as he hops up onto the bed. Clifford curls up at the foot of the bed while Hatchi makes himself comfortable between Perrie and Freddie, making them both laugh as he tickles their faces with his fur.</p>
<p>"C'mon, Lou." Perrie waves him over with a smile. "Plenty of room for one more."</p>
<p>Louis chuckles under his breath, ignoring the tight feeling in his chest as he makes his way around the bed and climbs up to lie down on Freddie's other side.</p>
<p>"This better, Fred?" Louis asks softly as Freddie wriggles around until he's on his back and he's grasping both Perrie and Louis' hands in his own.</p>
<p>"Yes," Freddie says matter-of-factly. "Can we do this tomorrow, too?"</p>
<p>Perrie snickers lightly and Louis does his very best not to groan. "We'll see."</p>
<p>Freddie hums as he pulls his hands closer together, bringing Louis and Perrie's to rest on his tummy. Their hands aren't touching, but it's still enough to make Louis' mind go haywire. He'd been perfectly fine all day, not even the hug he gave Perrie when she first got home had been anything to set his dumb brain off onto tangents better left alone.</p>
<p>But now, under the most innocent of circumstances, his mind is betraying him in a big way.</p>
<p>He can't let himself relax. Freddie drops off into slumber fairly quickly having gotten his way, and even Perrie falls asleep shortly after Freddie does. Granted, she's extremely jet-lagged so Louis was surprised she even made it this long.</p>
<p>However, this leaves Louis in the awkward position of laying awake in Perrie's bed while his mind runs rampant with the implications of this. If Niall or any of the lads could see him now, they'd tease him mercilessly for the rest of their lives.</p>
<p>Louis spends a good thirty minutes debating with himself whether he should just get up and leave the room, but that runs the risk of disturbing either Freddie or Perrie. Both of them need sleep, what with Freddie's school in the morning and Perrie's recent transatlantic flight. But if Louis stays right where he is then all he can do is silently stew in his own feelings that he's been doing his damnedest to squash down.</p>
<p>Eventually he comes to the decision that he has to get up because there's no way he'll ever actually fall asleep in Perrie's room. He doesn't know how much time he's wasted while awkwardly lying there until he glances at the clock on the table beside the bed and sees that it's been nearly two full hours.</p>
<p>Louis curses under his breath as he slips his hand out of Freddie's grip and carefully slides off of the bed, trying not to disturb either of them or the dogs as he goes. Clifford shifts a little, tilting his head up towards Louis as he passes by.</p>
<p>"It's alright, Cliff," Louis whispers as he strokes his head. "Stay right there."</p>
<p>Clifford snuffles and seems to agree with Louis that staying is the best option, because he settles right back down and doesn't move to follow.</p>
<p>All goes well until Louis stubs his toe against the foot of the bed on Perrie's side and he has to stop himself from yelping with pain. He groans as quietly as he can as he clutches his foot, cursing the corner he banged it on.</p>
<p>"Lou?"</p>
<p>Louis freezes as he looks over to see Perrie stirring.</p>
<p>"'M alright," he whispers.</p>
<p>"You sure?" Perrie asks as she carefully sits up.</p>
<p>"Yeah, go back to sleep."</p>
<p>Perrie laughs softly as she shakes her head, doing the exact opposite as she carefully climbs off the bed as well.</p>
<p>"Shouldn't have laid down," she whispers. She reaches out to Louis and waves him towards the door. "C'mon, let's go have a cuppa."</p>
<p>The two of them stay quiet as they make their way downstairs and into the kitchen. Louis sets up the kettle while Perrie grabs the teabags and a couple of mugs. Neither of them say anything while they wait for the kettle to boil, and they silently agree to sit at the kitchen table once their tea is steeping.</p>
<p>"What's going on with you?" Perrie asks suddenly, thankfully not doing so when Louis is taking a sip of tea.</p>
<p>"What d'you mean?"</p>
<p>Perrie shrugs. "Dunno, you seem… different. Like, off, or something. You alright?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah," Louis says, brushing her off with a laugh. "I'm fine."</p>
<p>"Louis," Perrie says softly. "You can tell me."</p>
<p>Louis swallows hard, looking down at his mug as opposed to looking Perrie in the eye. If it were anything else, he'd tell her in a heartbeat. She's easily one of his best friends and he feels like he can tell her absolutely anything in the world, but not this.</p>
<p>"It's just…" Louis sighs heavily. "It's weird, y'know?"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Freddie," Louis says, deflecting his true feelings into something else entirely. "Where's the last five years gone?"</p>
<p>Perrie laughs softly and Louis breathes a silent sigh of relief.</p>
<p>"I know, right?" She laughs again. "He's not even my kid and I feel like he's growing up way, <em>way</em> too fast."</p>
<p>Louis laughs along with Perrie but it's hard to do so when the voice in his head is saying something entirely different. <em>He could be yours, if you wanted. You're practically his mum right now. Would you want that? Would you want both of us?</em></p>
<p>"It's mad," Louis says, shaking his head and trying to shut that voice up. "My mum said it goes by fast but I didn't think it'd be <em>this</em> fast."</p>
<p>"Remember how tiny he was?" Perrie puts her chin in the palm of her hand and giggles. "Used to be able to carry him around like nothing at all."</p>
<p>"Now he's liable to break my back," Louis says, laughing.</p>
<p>"You know what we should do?" Perrie says, tapping the kitchen table with her fingers as she glances around. "We should break out the album, look at the pictures of when he was tiny."</p>
<p>Louis' throat closes up for a good five seconds before he chokes out, "yeah, w-we should."</p>
<p>Perrie grins widely as she ushers him into the living room, grabbing the photo album from the shelf before joining him on the couch. She doesn't seem to notice the stiffness in Louis' back as they sit together, far too busy cooing over the pictures of Freddie as a tiny bundle.</p>
<p>Even though Louis knows it's going to happen it doesn't make it any less debilitating. He still thinks about adding more photos of the three of them as a proper family, of what their wedding day would look like and whether they'd have more kids.</p>
<p>It's even worse when Perrie's right there. He could just turn to her and spill everything, tell her how much he cares about her and how badly he wants them to stay like this forever. But it wouldn't be the same, and he knows it.</p>
<p>The risk is too great for him to even try. And so Louis stays quiet, stewing in his own feelings while the possible love of his life sits next to him, blissfully unaware.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>As time passes, Louis learns to deal with his feelings. It's easier when Freddie's around because then they both spend far more time paying attention to him rather than each other. And even when Freddie's at school they've both got other things to do during the day so it's not like they're spending every waking moment together.</p>
<p>But at night after Freddie's gone to bed and it's just the two of them, it gets a bit more difficult for Louis to handle himself.</p>
<p>It certainly doesn't help that Perrie keeps bringing up the idea of Louis going out on a date. It was subtle at first, but after a few weeks she apparently decided that just hinting at it wasn't working. Now she's taken to talking about it at the dinner table even though Freddie is <em>right there</em>.</p>
<p>And while Louis is obviously open to the idea of dating, it's a bit hard for him to explain why he keeps brushing it off for no good reason when he's got a perfectly good reason that he can't bring himself to say. He keeps hoping that maybe she'll just drop it and leave it be. The horrible, nagging voice in the back of his head plays the devil's advocate and tells him it's more likely that she'll get a special someone of her own and then <em>really</em> start in on why he should have someone too.</p>
<p>Louis really doesn't like that voice at all, anymore. More and more it seems to be against him when it should be on his side seeing as it's his own bloody voice.</p>
<p>Still, time goes on and Freddie's school year progresses into the winter and spring with nothing much to report. Granted, everything is very exciting for him since it's the first time he's experiencing all of it, but after a while the weeks sort of blur together. Especially for Louis, whose birthday comes and goes in the blink of an eye and then suddenly it's April and he has no idea how it happened.</p>
<p>Until one afternoon when Louis is picking Freddie up at school and, given the amount of energy that's exuding from Freddie, something entirely new has happened today.</p>
<p>"Dad! Dad! Dad!!" Freddie shouts as he climbs into the backseat of the car. "Guess what!!"</p>
<p>"What?" Louis asks as he turns around in the driver's seat to ensure that Freddie's buckling himself in properly. He's not, of course, because he's far too busy being excited about whatever story he's about to tell.</p>
<p>"Remember my friend George?"</p>
<p>Louis hums for a second. "The prince of England, right? That George?"</p>
<p>"No!" Freddie laughs uproariously, just like he always does. "My school friend!! George!!"</p>
<p> "Oh, yes, of course. That George. What's ol' George up to?"</p>
<p>"He's having a sleepover on Saturday! And he invited me!! Can I go, Dad? Please??"</p>
<p>Louis hesitates. He doesn't remember when he had his first sleepover, but surely six is still too young for this sort of thing, isn't it? But the look of hope on Freddie's face is making it so hard to say no. Especially when George only lives a few houses down from them anyway; Louis could be over in a matter of minutes if something were to go wrong.</p>
<p>"I… umm…" Louis clears his throat. "I don't see why not?"</p>
<p>Freddie cheers triumphantly, collapsing to the floor of the car in his stupor. Louis laughs, rolling his eyes until he catches a glimpse of the crossing guard who's glaring daggers at him for spending so much time in the pick-up area.</p>
<p>"Alright, Fred, c'mon." Louis helps Freddie up and into his seat. "Time to go home."</p>
<p>The moment they enter the house and Freddie sees Perrie, he barrels over to her to tell her all about how he's going over to his friend George's house this weekend. She looks as surprised as Louis still feels, and they have a private conversation with their eyes while Freddie's still talking a mile a minute.</p>
<p>"Growing up mighty fast, aren't you?" Perrie says as she yanks Freddie up onto her lap and into a hug. "Pretty sure you were a baby yesterday."</p>
<p>"Noooo!" Freddie laughs. "I wasn't!!"</p>
<p>"You sure about that?" Perrie asks as she rocks them both back and forth on the couch. "Tiny baby Freddie, I remember. I held you just like this!"</p>
<p>"Noooooo!" Freddie continues to laugh as Perrie peppers kisses all over his face. Louis is still standing in the doorway watching all of this happen and it turns his heart into an absolute mess.</p>
<p>He ducks out of the room and heads for the kitchen, intending to make some tea and get a handle on himself. He can't go to pieces any time Perrie shows affection to Freddie, yet it happens more and more often lately and it's downright embarrassing. He's been able to pass it off as just Dad stuff, what with Freddie getting bigger every single day, but there's something in the way Perrie looks at him that makes him think she doesn't entirely believe him.</p>
<p>Louis manages to keep it together through the rest of the week, up until it's time to drop Freddie off at his friend's house. Perrie decides to come along on the short drive, keen to see Freddie off on this new adventure. It's all perfectly innocent and fine and even fun, until they arrive at George's house and Freddie disappears inside. Somehow, climbing back into the driver's seat with only Perrie as his company on the five minute drive back to the house creates a world of awkwardness that drives Louis absolutely insane.</p>
<p>He's positive that Perrie feels it too, given the way they're both entirely silent throughout the drive. He tries not to look at her too much, but out of the corner of his eye he can see every time she glances his way. It's like she's trying to come up with something to say that will break the tension, make this less awkward because it shouldn't even <em>be</em> this awkward in the first place.</p>
<p>When they arrive back at the house and Louis pulls into the garage, neither of them rush to go back into the house. Perrie takes off her seatbelt and clears her throat, bringing Louis' attention to her again and for the first time, he lets himself look at her.</p>
<p>"What're we going to do without Fred?" she asks in a playful manner. It's an entirely reasonable question; they've never gone this long together without Freddie being around. Even in the evenings after Freddie's gone to bed, it's just not the same.</p>
<p>"Dunno," Louis answers, trying his best to keep his tone of voice normal. "Got any ideas?"</p>
<p>"Well…" Perrie hums softly and smiles at Louis.</p>
<p>For some reason, Louis' brain goes entirely haywire and suddenly all he can think about is how many ways they could pass the time that are entirely <em>not</em> family-friendly. In a flash, he's all but rushing out of the car and back into the house while Perrie stares at him in bewilderment.</p>
<p>"Thought maybe I'd… y'know," Louis explains after Perrie's followed him inside and tried to ask just what the hell's gotten into him, "get a bit of work done in the studio."</p>
<p>"Oh," Perrie answers. "Umm, yeah. Good idea."</p>
<p>"Yeah, so I'll just…" Louis gestures oddly and turns his back on Perrie, closing his eyes and cursing himself as he makes his way downstairs.</p>
<p>When Louis reaches the studio, he closes the door behind him and sinks down to the floor. He takes several deep breaths as he tries to get a hold of himself and erase the last half hour from his mind instead of going over every minute in excruciating detail. He's absolutely the one making it so fucking awkward and he can't figure out how to bloody stop!!</p>
<p>After one more very deep breath, Louis pulls out his phone and calls his mum. He knows that he's not about to admit his feelings for Perrie out loud to his mum of all people, but at the very least she can talk him down from his panicked state if he leads her to believe it's all about Freddie.</p>
<p>"Hi love!" Jay greets warmly. "What're you up to?"</p>
<p>"Hi Mum," Louis replies.</p>
<p>"What's wrong?" Jay asks, recognizing Louis' odd tone of voice immediately. "What's happened, is Freddie alright?"</p>
<p>"Fred's fine, Mum." Louis laughs a little, pressing the heel of his hand against his eyes. "He's, umm, at his first sleepover."</p>
<p>Jay pauses for a moment. "Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Isn't he still a bit young for that?"</p>
<p>"I dunno," Louis answers with a deep sigh. "Maybe? I couldn't say no, though, you should've seen the look on his face."</p>
<p>Jay chuckles. "I know that look all too well. I probably would've done the same thing you did."</p>
<p>Louis laughs again and then stays quiet. There's so many things he wants to tell her, but at the same time he feels like he just can't. It's frustrating and maddening all at once.</p>
<p>"How're you doing, Lou? Is Perrie around?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, she is," Louis chokes out. "I'm, umm, I'm okay."</p>
<p>"You sure? You don't sound okay."</p>
<p><em>I'm not. I know you know I'm not, but I can't tell you why.</em> Louis' inner voice keeps going in circles around inside his head and it takes every ounce of strength not to tell his mum everything right then and there.</p>
<p>"It's just a bit weird, y'know? Fred's always around and now he's… not."</p>
<p>"Oh, Lou." Jay hums sympathetically. "He'll be back tomorrow before you know it. I know it's a big step, love, for him and you."</p>
<p>"Didn't think it'd be this hard," Louis admits softly.</p>
<p>"It'll be okay, Lou. I know it seems hard right now, but everything will be okay."</p>
<p>Louis rests his head back against the door and lets out a long breath. His mum is right, even if she doesn't know the full extent of what she's actually right about.</p>
<p>"Thanks, Mum. Love you."</p>
<p>After he finishes up the call with his mum, Louis gets lost in the process of making music, which he's overwhelmingly thankful for. He's in the final stages of finishing up the demo of the song he's been working on for months now, and despite the subject matter it still makes him unbelievably happy to hear it all come together. It's the same song he's been dodging Perrie's questions about, the one he started writing the day he realized he'd caught feelings, and he still doesn't know if he'll ever be able to tell her that it's about her. But maybe he'll try and give the song to someone else instead of keeping it for himself and a solo career he still doesn't bloody know if he even wants to pursue.</p>
<p>
  <em>You kill my mind, raise my body back to life, and I don't know what I'd do without you now</em>
</p>
<p>He's on his third or fourth listen on the nearly-finished piece when he feels a gentle hand on his shoulder and he nearly falls out of his chair.</p>
<p>"Sorry!" Perrie says as she immediately takes a few steps back. "I thought you heard me, I'm so sorry!"</p>
<p>"Jesus," Louis mutters, pressing his hand to his chest as he tries to catch his breath. "Scared the fucking daylights out of me."</p>
<p>"Sorry," Perrie repeats, laughing softly as she offers Louis a mug. "Thought you might want a cuppa."</p>
<p>"Cheers," he says as he takes it from her. He's halfway through his first sip when he realizes his song is still fucking playing in the background.</p>
<p>"Aww," Perrie frowns when Louis switches it off, "I like that one. Is it new?"</p>
<p>"Sorta," Louis mumbles, half into his cup. "Been working on it a while."</p>
<p>"It's catchy." Perrie comes a little closer and smiles down at him. "You sound good on it."</p>
<p>"Thanks," Louis replies. He ducks his head to hide the flush in his cheeks and he's overwhelmingly grateful when Perrie changes the subject.</p>
<p>"Was thinking about getting dinner started, if you're almost done here."</p>
<p>"What, you want me to help?" Louis snickers, falling into a familiar back and forth that, for once, doesn't make his heart skip a beat. It just feels… normal.</p>
<p>"Yeah, since our little chef is out for the night." Perrie grins. "You've got to fill in and y'know, at the very least you'll be my moral support."</p>
<p>"Alright," Louis replies with a long-suffering sigh. "If I have to."</p>
<p>"If you want to eat tonight, you bloody well do."</p>
<p>"Alright, alright! But I'm not putting on Freddie's apron."</p>
<p>"Spoilsport," Perrie mutters.</p>
<p>Louis dutifully follows Perrie back upstairs and into the kitchen. Hatchi wanders around the kitchen while Clifford curls up next to the refrigerator, only making it slightly difficult when Perrie needs to take something out of it. Louis takes up residence on one of the stools at the island and sips his tea, offering commentary on every little thing that Perrie does until she starts pointing a knife in his direction.</p>
<p>It's a relief, to be able to sling comments back and forth without feeling like he's about to topple over from embarrassment. This is what it should be like all the time, feelings or no feelings, because at the end of the day Perrie's his best friend.</p>
<p>When Perrie's got her back turned, Louis pulls his phone out of his pocket and glances at his notifications. He always puts his phone on do not disturb when he's working in the studio, but this time around he's got dozens of missed texts from several different people.</p>
<p>Earlier he'd sent a photo of Freddie all dolled up for his very first sleepover to the groupchat with his mum and sisters, so he'd expected all of them to chime in with their well wishes for the evening. But what he hadn't expected was to receive several texts from the lads as well.</p>
<p>Only, they're not wishing Freddie luck.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <strong>while the baby's away will mum and dad play??? ;) ;) ;)</strong>
  </em>
</p>
<p>Louis only reads the most recent text, and judging by what Niall said Louis decides he absolutely does not need to read the rest of it. He sends one single middle finger emoji to the group chat and puts his phone face down on the counter, resolving to not look at it for the rest of the night.</p>
<p>But that doesn't keep his phone from buzzing incessantly. Louis tries his best to ignore the sound, but after a while it catches Perrie's attention.</p>
<p>"Do you need to get that?" she asks, pointing towards his phone with the spatula in her hand.</p>
<p>"Nah," Louis replies, waving his hand. "It's nothing. Just the lads."</p>
<p>"Oh?" Perrie smiles. "Did you tell them about Freddie's big night? I bet he'd love to know that his uncles are all excited about it."</p>
<p>"Yeah, well…" Louis clears his throat. "That's not… exactly why they're texting."</p>
<p>It takes a moment, but a look of realization crosses Perrie's face and she quickly turns back to the stove. Louis puts his head in his hands and sighs deeply, wishing he weren't the one making things so fucking awkward.</p>
<p>"Y'know," Perrie says, clearing her throat and putting on a "this totally isn't awkward if I just speak loudly" sort of voice, "I get the same sort of thing from the girls sometimes. I keep telling them that nothing's happened between us and nothing's <em>going </em>to happen, right?"</p>
<p>Perrie glances over her shoulder at Louis as she poses the question and he scrambles to answer in the affirmative.</p>
<p>"Right!" Perrie immediately whirls back around and continues cooking and chattering away, while Louis mentally kicks his own arse.</p>
<p>He had a shot. He had the chance to tell Perrie how he felt and he completely messed it up.</p>
<p>Louis leaves the kitchen to set the table with Clifford in tow behind him and seriously considers throwing his phone in the bin. He's angry at himself for making things awkward in the first place, and now the lads and their stupid jokes have gone and made everything even worse. Perrie herself said that nothing's ever going to happen between them and Louis needs to just fucking accept it and move on, or else the rest of his life is going to be utterly miserable.</p>
<p>"Just being an idiot, aren't I?" Louis says to Clifford, who only whines and nudges Louis' hand in response. It's far more sympathy than Louis expected to get, so he'll take it.</p>
<p>Dinner, thankfully, passes without making things worse. After a few initial minutes of silence they ease into a conversation about Freddie, who seems to be the one subject they can discuss without falling into any rabbit holes of awkwardness.</p>
<p>They openly wonder about what he's having for dinner at his friend's house; whether they'll watch a movie afterwards or maybe go out for some ice cream or other special treat. Louis expresses a bit of worry about when it comes time for bed and whether they'll get a teary phone call and have to go and get him.</p>
<p>"Did you ever call your mum to come and pick you up from a sleepover?" Perrie asks.</p>
<p>"I dunno," Louis says, squinting a little as he tries to remember back that far. "Might've done the first time, but I don't remember."</p>
<p>"I did," Perrie admits.</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," she laughs, "a bunch of times. I kept telling my mum that I was ready, that I'd make it through the night this time, and then when it was time to go to bed I'd just burst into tears." Perrie shakes her head. "I just wanted my own bed! It did my mum's head in, I'm sure."</p>
<p>"But she always came to get you, didn't she?"</p>
<p>"Of course she did." Perrie snorts. "Usually in her dressing gown, to boot. As if I didn't have enough to be embarrassed about already."</p>
<p>Louis snickers, setting the pair of them off in a fit of laughter. It eases even more of the tension and soon both of them forget about what happened earlier, and they're able to finish the meal without any further embarrassment.</p>
<p>When they're all finished cleaning up afterwards, Perrie suggests they watch a movie. It's been a while since the two of them sat down to watch anything that wasn't specifically for children, given that most nights they watched some cartoon with Freddie sat between them. Louis agrees easily, knowing full well they've got a full Netflix queue to somehow make their way through.</p>
<p>While the dogs make themselves comfortable in their beds in the living room, Louis and Perrie playfully argue over what to watch, eventually coming to an agreement on a film that was released within the last year that neither of them have seen but have both heard good things about. Louis is only mildly miffed that Perrie turned down the idea of watching the latest Marvel film, but he gets over it fairly quickly when Perrie curls into his side as the movie begins.</p>
<p>Everything is going perfectly well, both of them are enjoying the movie just fine, until something happens. Out of absolutely bloody nowhere, a fairly graphic sex scene between a man and a woman happens on screen and neither of them were prepared to sit through it, but that's exactly what they end up doing.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Louis is acutely aware of how close Perrie is and also how fast his heart is beating. His mind races as the scene plays on, weighing his options regarding turning the movie off and whether that would be a good thing or a bad thing. Perrie doesn't move to do anything about it, so Louis reasons that he shouldn't either.</p>
<p>Besides, it's taking nearly all of his concentration not to let the scene <em>affect</em> him any further than it already has.</p>
<p>The film progresses entirely normal for a romantic comedy after that, but Louis vows never to take a film recommendation from Lottie ever again. As the credits roll Perrie's the one to reach for the remote to shut the television off, but once the screen goes black she reclines right back into her previous position.</p>
<p>"Did you want to watch something else?" she asks, frowning as if worried she'd done the wrong thing in turning off the television.</p>
<p>"Nah," Louis replies. "Was thinking I might head up to bed."</p>
<p>"Yeah, good idea." Perrie yawns a moment later, chuckling softly afterwards. "Might do the same."</p>
<p>Louis waits for Perrie to get up before he follows suit. They climb the stairs together just like they do on any other night of the week, with Hatchi and Clifford at their heels doing their damnedest to make them both trip up the stairs. Perrie bids Louis good night before going into her room with Hatchi, and then Louis continues down the hallway to his own. It's more than a little weird to pass by Freddie's empty room, so Louis does it as quickly as possible despite Clifford doing the exact opposite.</p>
<p>"C'mon, Cliff," Louis says, whistling a little to get Clifford's attention. Clifford whines a little as he looks back and forth between Freddie's dark room and Louis, eventually following Louis when he finally understands that it's his only option.</p>
<p>Louis sighs a little, scratching Clifford's head as he passes by before he shuts the door to his room behind them both.</p>
<p>The problem is… even once he's in bed, Louis can't fall asleep.</p>
<p>He's perfectly comfortable, in his sleep pants with the light off and his pillows and covers just the way he likes them. For once Clifford isn't trying to crush him but instead he's already asleep all curled up at the foot of the bed. It's been a long day and Louis is absolutely tired enough that he should just fall asleep, but… he can't.</p>
<p>Hours pass with him simply staring at the ceiling and going over the events of the night in his head. He can't make his brain turn off and stop replaying every horribly embarrassing moment, which is absolutely what's keeping him awake. All he can do is wonder whether the next morning will be as terribly awkward as tonight was.</p>
<p>It's nearly two in the morning when Louis' finally had enough of this and decides to go make himself a cuppa, hoping in vain that it'll help him fall asleep. He pushes the covers off of his legs and hoists himself out of bed, half trying to be quiet enough not to disturb Clifford and half feeling very annoyed indeed that he has to go all the way downstairs for some tea when he's this goddamn tired.</p>
<p>Exhaustion aside, he makes sure to be very quiet when he opens his bedroom door and steps out into the hallway. There's a nightlight just outside Freddie's door, for the nights when Freddie wakes up needing a cuddle, and it illuminates the hallway just enough that Louis can see all the way down to the stairs.</p>
<p>Only, he can't actually see the stairs because there's someone standing in the middle of the hallway. Louis rubs his eyes, thinking for a moment that he's seeing things, but sure enough Perrie's standing a few steps away from her door.</p>
<p>Louis opens his mouth to say something but no sound comes out. He's not entirely certain that this isn't just a dream; that he's not actually asleep and this is some cruel trick that his mind is playing on him.</p>
<p>Perrie doesn't say a word either, but after a few seconds of staring at each other she starts closing the distance between them. All Louis can do is stand perfectly still, waiting to see what she's going to do next.</p>
<p>Time seems to move in slow motion once she's standing right in front of him. One minute they're looking at each other straight in the eye, and the next Perrie leans forward and kisses him.</p>
<p>Louis hesitates for a split second before he starts kissing her back, letting his hands rest on her hips while she presses hers gently against his chest. They continue kissing for a while, but it doesn't lead anywhere. It remains chaste and by the end of it, Louis still can't tell if it's a dream or not.</p>
<p>Perrie pulls back slightly, giving them both a chance to breathe as she presses her hand to Louis' cheek and smiles at him. He smiles back and leans in for another kiss, which lasts for a far shorter amount of time than the first.</p>
<p>No more than ten minutes after Louis stepped through his door, he's watching Perrie go back to her room. He retreats to his own bed seconds later, completely forgetting about his cup of tea and all of the worries he had before, and falls into a deep sleep.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>Louis wakes up the following morning and the first thing on his mind is Perrie. He can't stop the smile that spreads over his face, even when a tiny bit of anxiety ripples through his chest. He's been thinking about this for ages and it finally happened!</p>
<p>The anxiety grows steadily as he climbs out of bed and heads downstairs, passing by Perrie's empty room as he goes. He's struck with an awful feeling that maybe he really <em>did</em> dream up what happened last night and when he sees Perrie, nothing will have changed at all.</p>
<p>Perrie has her back to the doorway when Louis reaches the kitchen, but as soon as she turns around and they make eye contact, every single worry in Louis' head fades away in a heartbeat. All it takes is one look for him to know that last night did actually happen and judging by her smile, he's not the only one hoping it'll happen again.</p>
<p>"Good morning," she says as Louis joins her on the other side of the kitchen. She picks up one of the steaming mugs of tea on the counter before them and holds it out to him with a smile.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Louis replies, hesitating for only a moment before he leans forward and gives Perrie a gentle kiss.</p>
<p>It's sweet and domestic, and it feels like they've been doing this for ages. Louis can't stop smiling even as he brings his mug up to his mouth for a sip of his tea.</p>
<p>"So…" Louis says, trailing off a little as he and Perrie continue smiling at each other like the absolute dorks that they both are.</p>
<p>"So…" Perrie grins. "Breakfast?"</p>
<p>"What an excellent idea."</p>
<p>The morning progresses quite similar to most mornings they've had in the past, apart from two differences: one, Freddie isn't underfoot causing a ruckus and general mayhem, and two, they can't seem to stop kissing each other.</p>
<p>It happens after the simplest of tasks: pass the butter, share a kiss; clear the dishes from the table, another kiss; finish up the washing, time for some kisses.</p>
<p>The only thing that doesn't happen is a discussion. Deep down Louis knows they're going to have to talk about this newfound practice sooner or later. They can't just keep kissing each other and pretend like nothing has changed.</p>
<p>If it were just the two of them, they might be able to get away with a while longer of just kissing and no talking. But they both have to remember that it's not just their own lives they're changing, but Freddie's as well.</p>
<p>Speaking of, Freddie comes barreling through the front door an hour or so after Louis and Perrie finish breakfast, and they're <em>quite</em> lucky that he doesn't catch them with their mouths pressed together. Although with all the excitement that his six-year-old body is carrying, there's no telling whether he would've noticed at all.</p>
<p>He's simply desperate to tell them both how much fun he had at his sleepover, which snaps Louis right back to reality. He'd completely forgotten that he'd been worried about Freddie's adjusting to sleeping somewhere other than home, and is really quite relieved to find out that it had all been for naught.</p>
<p>Apparently Freddie and his friend George had hamburgers for dinner and got to watch not just one movie but <em>two,</em> and <em>then</em> they had ice cream to top it all off!</p>
<p>"And-and-and this morning George's mum made pancakes and they had faces!!"</p>
<p>"What! Faces?!" Louis scoffs, shaking his head in disbelief. "That sounds amazing, Fred. All we had for breakfast was boring ol' oatmeal."</p>
<p>"You should've had pancakes!" Freddie goes on. "With faces! And strawberries!"</p>
<p>"Sounds like you had the best time ever," Perrie says as she ruffles Freddie's hair. "Did you even miss us a little bit?"</p>
<p>"Of course I did," Freddie replies as he hugs Perrie's leg. "What did you guys do while I was gone?"</p>
<p>"Uhh…" Louis pauses as he looks at Perrie and then back down at Freddie. "Nothing as exciting as you did, obviously. <em>We</em> only watched one movie."</p>
<p>"Booooooooring," Perrie adds, miming a yawn and making Freddie laugh uproariously.</p>
<p>"Will you come play with me?" Freddie asks, looking up at both Louis and Perrie.</p>
<p>"Of course!" Perrie answers immediately as she crouches down to Freddie's level. "Why don't you go and get ready for us, and your dad and I will meet you in your room in two minutes?"</p>
<p>"Two minutes?"</p>
<p>"Two minutes," Perrie repeats. "Promise."</p>
<p>"Okay." Freddie looks up at Louis and holds up two fingers. "Two minutes!"</p>
<p>"Two minutes," Louis echoes.</p>
<p>"Two minutes!!" Freddie shouts as he runs out of the kitchen, shouting for Clifford and Hatchi to follow.</p>
<p>They both watch as Freddie disappears around the corner with the dogs and then Perrie takes a step closer to Louis. He half-expects her to lean in for a kiss, but instead she puts a finger to his lips and smiles.</p>
<p>"We should talk," she says, tapping Louis' lips lightly with the tip of her finger.</p>
<p>"Now?"</p>
<p>"Not now," Perrie rolls her eyes, "we've only got two minutes!"</p>
<p>Louis laughs. "Right. Yeah. We should, though. Later."</p>
<p>"Later." Perrie nods her head in agreement and her eyes drop to Louis' lips. It's already second nature for Louis to lean in and kiss her, which could prove to be very bad indeed.</p>
<p>"One minute!" Freddie shouts, his voice carrying from upstairs and interrupting.</p>
<p>"S'pose we'd better get up there, yeah?" Louis says.</p>
<p>"He'll be very disappointed if we're late." Perrie nods again and lets her eyes wander a little. "No funny business."</p>
<p>Louis scoffs, ready to argue that <em>he's</em> absolutely not the one that started it that time, but Perrie's already halfway to the door by the time he opens his mouth. She glances back over her shoulder as she steps through the doorway, waving him on.</p>
<p>"C'mon!"</p>
<p>Louis takes a deep breath before he follows in her footsteps. This is exactly what he's been wanting, and it very well may be the death of him.</p>
<p>The day passes with time slipping through their fingers even more quickly than any of them had ever imagined. While it's likely that both Louis and Perrie had some actual proper adult tasks to do today, they were all abandoned in favor of spending the whole day in the land of imagination with Freddie.</p>
<p>Freddie's favorite game of the moment is playing pirates, only he's always the good pirate and Louis ends up being the bad pirate that Freddie has to inevitably save people from. Louis doesn't really mind, he likes coming up with increasingly ridiculous reasons for kidnapping Freddie's various stuffed animals - their most recent charges include candy smuggling and being too cute.</p>
<p>Perrie's never been around to play pirates before. When Freddie first brings it up as a game he wants to play, Louis hesitates and almost suggests they play something else.</p>
<p>"Ooh, pirates?" Perrie says, rubbing her hands together. "That sounds fun! What'll I play?"</p>
<p>"Dad's the bad pirate, I'm the good pirate," Freddie explains as he wrangles Louis (by pushing on his legs) over towards his bed before taking Perrie's hand and leading her over to the same spot, "and I have to save you from him."</p>
<p>"Oh," Perrie says as she plops down next to Louis, "so I'm the damsel in distress?"</p>
<p>"What's that?" Freddie asks, pausing momentarily to give Perrie a confused look.</p>
<p>"It means she's in trouble and you've got to save her."</p>
<p>"That's what I said!" Freddie says with a huff as he turns his back to them, heading to the opposite side of his room for his pretend pirate costume. While he's busy getting ready, Perrie leans in to whisper to Louis.</p>
<p>"Been capturing a lot of damsels, have we?"</p>
<p>"A few," Louis admits with a sly smile. "They're usually much smaller than you." He plucks a stuffed animal from Freddie's bed and shows it to Perrie, making her laugh.</p>
<p>"You're moving up in the pirate world," she teases.</p>
<p>"Got me a wench, didn't I?" Perrie smacks Louis in the leg and as he winces, he protests, "I'm getting in character!"</p>
<p>"Dad!" Freddie whines. "I'm ready!"</p>
<p>"Okay, Fred!"</p>
<p>"No, do the voice!!"</p>
<p>Despite the incredulous look that Perrie's giving him, Louis clears his throat and then starts speaking in a greatly exaggerated pirate's voice. Perrie immediately covers her mouth so as to not start laughing, but when he's finished his little victory speech she pretends to start crying and begging for somebody, anybody to rescue her.</p>
<p>Freddie bloody <em>loves</em> it.</p>
<p>But the thing is, because they spend all day playing games with Freddie, Louis and Perrie don't have any time alone together to talk. The afternoon passes by practically in the blink of an eye and then suddenly it's time to get dinner ready. And after dinner, Freddie needs a bath, and then it's bedtime stories and a kiss goodnight.</p>
<p>By the time Freddie's asleep with both Clifford and Hatchi curled up at the foot of his bed, both Louis and Perrie are exhausted. They head back downstairs with the intent of finishing up the washing, and Louis keeps wondering if this is the time for their talk. Truth be told, he's hoping they can leave it for tomorrow because he's definitely not together enough to have an emotional heart-to-heart at the moment.</p>
<p>Then again, he doesn't want to be the one brushing Perrie off if she's up for having the conversation right now. It's a very narrow two-way street he's found himself on, and at the moment it doesn't look like he's got a way out of it.</p>
<p>That is, of course, until Perrie takes control of the situation.</p>
<p>"Hey," she says as she tugs on the hem of Louis' shirt. He sets down the rag he was using to dry the last of the dishes and comes towards her, not quite sure what to expect. "Can we take a rain check on the talking?"</p>
<p>"Yeah? You sure?" Louis treads carefully as he puts one hand on Perrie's waist. He's trying not to overstep any boundaries, but it's been a very long day and he's wanted to kiss her for a fair amount of it.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Perrie says as she puts her hands on his shoulders and leans in for a kiss. She smiles at him when she pulls away. "I know we should talk about it," she whispers, "but I'd rather just kiss you right now."</p>
<p>"Sounds good to me," Louis whispers back, chuckling as he steals another kiss.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>A week passes and they still haven't had a proper talk about their new kissing habits. They're both mindful of not doing it while Freddie's around, and not once has their kissing led to anything more between them, but safe to say it's starting to do both of their heads in.</p>
<p>On the one hand, Louis thinks this is far better than it was before, because now at least he knows there's some sort of deeper connection between them and Perrie feels it too. She wouldn't be kissing him all the time if she didn't have <em>some</em> sort of feelings for him. But on the other hand, they're both still more or less in the same place they were before. They live together but they're not <em>together</em>. For all Louis knows, Perrie could be seeing someone. It's not like he has the right to tell her she can't.</p>
<p>The problem is that he has this tiny voice in the back of his head that keeps worrying him by saying that if he's the one to bring it up again, then maybe everything will just go back to normal and he'll have ruined it. Despite the size of that voice, it seems to be much larger than any other part of him that says everything could and <em>will</em> be even better if you just bloody talk about it already.</p>
<p>That being said, it's not like they're back to being horny teenagers who just make out all day long. They're both adults and they've got commitments that require them to be separated, usually every day. Perrie's always got meetings for Little Mix and occasionally rehearsals for performances, and Louis knows their next tour will start in a few months and then everything will get turned upside down again.</p>
<p>As for Louis, when Freddie's at school he's constantly down in his little home studio writing songs and playing with chords and melodies. He's even reached out to a few people he used to work with in the days of One Direction and as a result he's been writing for other artists and up-and-coming bands. The songs he writes for himself (and mostly about Perrie) he sticks in a folder within several other folders so that nobody ever hears them except for days when he's feeling a bit miserable about being home alone.</p>
<p>More days pass into more weeks until one Saturday morning when Louis gets a call from the mother of Freddie's friend George, inviting Freddie over for the day. They haven't got anything planned that day other than just the normal routine, so Louis excuses himself from the phone conversation for a moment and very casually asks Freddie whether he'd be interested in such a thing.</p>
<p>The explosion of excitement is so loud, there's no way George's mother didn't hear it even with the mouthpiece of the phone covered. Louis is chuckling to himself by the time he puts the phone back to his ear and hammers out the rest of the details for the playdate.</p>
<p>By the time Louis sits back down at the breakfast table, Freddie is practically vibrating with pure excitement. Perrie is dutifully trying to get him to finish the rest of his breakfast, but it appears to be a bit of a lost cause. She playfully glares at Louis and gestures as if to say, <em>look what you've gone and done</em>.</p>
<p>"Fred," Louis says calmly but firmly, "you're only going to George's if you finish your breakfast."</p>
<p>Freddie immediately starts shoveling food into his mouth, making an absolute mess. Perrie momentarily covers her face with her hand and then looks at Louis, shaking her head. Louis winks at her before returning to his own meal.</p>
<p>Within an hour, Freddie is ready for his playdate and is raring to go. He's been pacing back and forth down the hallway leading to the front door for the last ten minutes, shouting for Louis to hurry up the whole time. Louis isn't intentionally dragging his feet (not entirely), but he does take a certain amount of joy from making Freddie wait.</p>
<p>"He's about to run headfirst into the door," Perrie says as she glances into the hallway.</p>
<p>"It's two minutes, he'll be alright." Louis finishes re-tying his shoe and stands up. "Sure you don't want to come along?"</p>
<p>Perrie pats his shoulder. "I think you can handle the five minute drive there and back all on your own."</p>
<p>"Cheeky," Louis mutters, lightly batting his hand against her hip as he passes by. When he reaches the hallway, Freddie's lying down in front of the door. "What's all this? I thought you were ready to go."</p>
<p>"I've <em>been</em> ready for <em>ages</em>!" Freddie groans as he raises his arms, hoping his dad will get the point and help him back up to his feet.</p>
<p>Louis grabs Freddie's arms and hoists him over his shoulder, much to Freddie's delight judging by the screams of laughter.</p>
<p>"Say bye to Pez!" Louis says loudly, trying to carry his voice over Freddie's.</p>
<p>"Bye Perrie!!" Freddie shouts, mostly into Louis' ear.</p>
<p>"Bye Fred!" Perrie's voice floats down the hallway, following them out the door.</p>
<p>"Now, George's mum is going to bring you back at five, yeah?" Louis says as he buckles Freddie into his carseat. "But if you wanna come home before then, just have her call me and I'll come get you."</p>
<p>"I know, Dad. I <em>know</em>." Freddie huffs. Louis sticks his tongue out at Freddie, who does it back, and they both laugh.</p>
<p>Freddie waits until they've pulled out of the driveway before he speaks again, and Louis is overwhelmingly thankful the street they live on isn't all that busy on a Saturday morning.</p>
<p>"Is Perrie my mum?"</p>
<p>The car lurches forward a bit as Louis accidentally steps on the brake too fast.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"Is Perrie my mum?" Freddie asks again.</p>
<p>"Umm…" Louis clears his throat, trying to focus on the road and not on the tornado inside his brain. "Why do you ask?"</p>
<p>"Well, George's got a mum. And so does Patrick, and Lucy, and David, and, well… Donna's got two mums, and then--"</p>
<p>"Freddie," Louis gently interrupts, "what's got you asking this now?"</p>
<p>"I dunno. Why don't I have a mum?"</p>
<p>Louis sighs deeply. This is not the sort of conversation he expected to have on the drive to George's house. Although he supposes he should've expected it sooner.</p>
<p>"It's complicated, Fred. I… I don't think I have the time to explain it all right now."</p>
<p>"Why not?"</p>
<p>"Well," Louis exhales, "because we've got about two minutes til we're at your friend's house and this is the sort of thing you talk about for longer than just two minutes."</p>
<p>"Oh. Okay." Freddie sighs softly. "Later?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, Fred. Later. I promise."</p>
<p>"Okay."</p>
<p>The car is quiet until Louis pulls into the driveway and starts letting Freddie out of the carseat. He's squirming with anticipation and it seems like he's already forgotten what they were talking about only minutes ago.</p>
<p>"Hey Fred?" Louis says, crouching down under the pretense to fix Freddie's jacket.</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>"You know I love you, right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"And Perrie loves you too."</p>
<p>"I know."</p>
<p>It's on the tip of his tongue - <em>would you want Perrie to be your mum?</em> - but before he can say it, George's front door opens and he comes running out while his mum stands in the doorway.</p>
<p>"Freddie!!" George yells, bounding over and almost knocking him down in a hug. They immediately take off for the house, leaving Louis awkwardly crouching next to the car.</p>
<p>"Alright?" George's mum calls after the boys have run past her into the house.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis calls back with a wave as he stands up. "Let me know if he gets to be too much trouble."</p>
<p>George's mom laughs and waves in response, closing the door as Louis climbs back into his car. The ride back to his house is possibly more confusing than the ride there, which puts Louis into a very odd headspace by the time he returns to the house.</p>
<p>It almost feels like he's in a daze as he walks through the front door. He doesn't see Perrie or the dogs anywhere, which is odd in and of itself since the dogs usually immediately congregate around the door whenever it's opened.</p>
<p>He eventually finds them in the back garden where Perrie's tossing a ball for Clifford. Hatchi is running after it as well but his tiny legs compared to Clifford's much longer ones means that all he gets to do is run back and forth for pets. (He really doesn't seem to mind at all.)</p>
<p>"There you are!" Perrie says, laughing. "Everything go alright?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis replies. Perrie's so distracted by the dogs that she doesn't hear the odd tone of his voice, otherwise she would've immediately asked what was wrong.</p>
<p>"The kettle's not long gone off, if you want tea," she tells him before turning around to toss another ball for Clifford.</p>
<p>"Cheers," Louis says as he turns around and heads back into the house.</p>
<p>He should've been planning for this day since Freddie was born. He should've <em>known</em> that Freddie would eventually get curious about his mother. Maybe he'd been a fool to just leave it be, to not mention it at all in the hopes that Freddie would never ask. Now here he is, an absolute idiot because he has no idea what to say.</p>
<p>He'd understood Briana's reasons at the time. They made sense to the both of them and Louis wasn't thinking about what he'd have to tell Freddie about his mum when he grew up. Foolishly, and possibly a bit selfishly, he thought he'd have more than enough love to give Freddie and maybe he wouldn't ever need to ask about his mum.</p>
<p>But how do you tell a young child that his mum didn't want to be a part of his life? Even if you frame it as nicely as you can, it's still soul-crushing. Louis has never, ever wanted Freddie to feel unwanted. He wanted Freddie from the moment he first saw him, why can't that be enough?</p>
<p>"Louis?"</p>
<p>Perrie's voice cuts through Louis' thoughts like a whip and he startles as though he'd actually been hit. His breath races for a few seconds as she slowly comes over towards him with a worried look in her eyes.</p>
<p>"You okay?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, sorry." He waves his hand around. "Just… thinking."</p>
<p>"About what?"</p>
<p>"Freddie, umm…" Louis knocks his hand against the kitchen counter and sighs, "asked about his mum."</p>
<p>"Oh." Perrie blinks in complete surprise. She hadn't seen that one coming at all, and neither had Louis.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"What did you tell him?"</p>
<p>"I told him…" Louis groans as he leans forward onto the counter, "that it's the sort of conversation you can't have in two-minute car ride."</p>
<p>"Well…" Perrie tilts her head, "you're not wrong." Louis laughs softly as Perrie starts running her fingers through Louis' hair. "What are you going to tell him?"</p>
<p>"I've got no fucking idea," Louis replies with another groan. "How do I tell him the truth without breaking his heart?"</p>
<p>"I don't know," Perrie answers honestly. "But now that he's asked once, you know he's going to keep asking."</p>
<p>"I know, I know, I just…"</p>
<p>Louis stands up straight and turns towards Perrie, who welcomes him into her arms like she just implicitly knows he needs the comfort of a hug right now. With the way she holds onto him tightly, she might need it just as much as he does.</p>
<p>"You'll figure it out," she tells him. "You're a good dad."</p>
<p>"I just don't want him to be upset. We've done alright this far, haven't we?"</p>
<p>"You've done more than alright," Perrie says. She pulls back and lifts Louis' chin up so they're eye-to-eye. "You've been the absolute best dad that any little boy could ever want."</p>
<p>Louis smiles. "It's not been all me, you know. I couldn't have done this without you."</p>
<p>"Possibly," Perrie replies, her smile a bit teasing. "You are very lucky to have me."</p>
<p>"I know," Louis whispers.</p>
<p>There's a moment of complete silence, and then they both lean in for a kiss. It's their first kiss of the day, but it feels like so much more than just a normal morning kiss. It feels like the weight of their feelings towards one another have been thrown into this one kiss, making it one of the most important things they've ever shared.</p>
<p>There's an intensity to the kiss that's never happened with any of their other kisses; not even the first one felt like this. Louis' heart is pounding so fast that he loses his breath, but he doesn't want to stop kissing Perrie. His hands find their way into her hair, tangling themselves in her locks as she digs her fingers into his shoulders.</p>
<p>They're both gasping when they finally pull away, their foreheads pressed together so that they remain close. Perrie chuckles under her breath, tilting her head back as far as Louis' hands will allow while keeping her mouth out of reach of Louis'.</p>
<p>"Remember when…" she says, breathing deeply as she tries to catch her breath, "when I said we should talk?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis replies, laughing a little. "We never did, did we?"</p>
<p>"Nope," Perrie laughs. "But I think we need to… before…"</p>
<p>Her hand slides from Louis' shoulder down his shirt, stopping just before she reaches the top of his jeans. Her fingers leave a trail of electricity in their wake, making Louis shiver under her touch.</p>
<p>"Y-Yeah," he grunts. "Maybe you're right."</p>
<p>Perrie laughs again as she tugs on the hem of his shirt. Louis carefully untangles his hands from her hair and they both take a step back, even though it's obvious from the tension in the air that it's the opposite of what they both <em>really </em>want.</p>
<p>The silence in the kitchen is deafening, and it doesn't help Louis' nerves over the impending conversation. His mind races with what to say; should he be the first to speak or should he give Perrie the chance? Will he scare her off if he's completely honest? Will this all end up being a huge mistake?</p>
<p>"I like you," he blurts out. He's staring at the floor as he says it, and he's hesitant to look Perrie in the eye afterwards. "A lot," he adds, clearing his throat. "Liked you for ages, actually."</p>
<p>Louis slowly lifts his eyes from the floor up to Perrie, who's watching his every move. As soon as they make eye contact she starts to smile, and Louis' heart skips a beat.</p>
<p>"I had a feeling," Perrie says, her smile growing wider. "I like you too, y'know."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" Louis' face stretches into a smile. He feels practically giddy, like he's back to being a teenager and finding out a girl likes him for the first time all over again.</p>
<p>"Yeah," Perrie replies. "Been wanting to say something for a while, but…" she looks down and Louis can feel the nervous waves rolling off of her, "...I didn't want to mess anything up."</p>
<p>"Same," Louis says, chuckling. "The last thing I want to do is hurt you, or Freddie, and…"</p>
<p>"We've got such a good thing going," Perrie interrupts. "What if it's a mistake to change it?"</p>
<p>"Do you think it would be?" Louis asks, feeling a little overwhelmed with vulnerability now that his worst fear is finally out in the open.</p>
<p>"Do you?" Perrie bites her lip and stares at Louis with wide eyes. He pauses for a moment and takes a deep breath.</p>
<p>"No," he answers honestly. "All this time I've been wondering what it'd be like if you and I… if we were…" he chuckles awkwardly, "y'know, <em>together</em>."</p>
<p>Perrie chuckles softly, but the nervousness in her eyes remains.</p>
<p>"And, I think… if we were, things wouldn't be all that different. We've lived together this long and we already know that we work well together as a team. The only thing that would really change is… well, sort of what we've already been doing lately."</p>
<p>"That's true." Perrie laughs softly. "I could finally get the girls off my back about me and you."</p>
<p>"Is that right?" Louis smirks, his nerves finally giving way to a bit of confidence.</p>
<p>"I mean, I wouldn't tell them <em>everything</em>," Perrie says as she takes a step closer, "but it'd be nice to have something to brag about."</p>
<p>"You'd brag about me?" Louis asks, stepping closer to Perrie and gently putting his hands on her waist.</p>
<p>"Fuck yeah I would," Perrie says with a grin, looping her arms around Louis' neck. "Wouldn't you?"</p>
<p>"Brag?" Perrie nods. "About you?" Louis pretends to think about it for a moment and Perrie pinches him.</p>
<p>"Arsehole," she mutters before he kisses her.</p>
<p>"Of course I would," he says, continuing to press kisses along her neck. "The lads have been taking the piss since Freddie and me moved back. They refused to believe nothing was going on between you and me."</p>
<p>"The girls are the same way," Perrie admits with a sheepish laugh. "I… may have encouraged it a little, though."</p>
<p>"Oh, really?"</p>
<p>"There <em>may</em> have been some dreams," Perrie says vaguely, avoiding making eye contact with Louis who is instantly intrigued by this revelation.</p>
<p>"Is that right?" He pulls Perrie closer. "What were these dreams, hmm?"</p>
<p>"I might be willing to tell you," she whispers as she leans in, kissing the smirk right off Louis' face.</p>
<p>There's an intent behind their kisses this time around. It was somewhat present ten minutes ago, but now that they've finally got everything out in the open it's back with a renewed purpose. It's clear to both of them that this time around there's new territory to be explored and there's nothing holding either of them back.</p>
<p>They eventually make their way upstairs to Louis' bedroom, though it's not without quite a bit of stumbling over each other's feet and pauses to make out against various flat surfaces along the way. Louis finally feels like he's free to <em>touch</em> wherever he likes, and Perrie seems to be on the same wavelength.</p>
<p>As soon as they cross the threshold into the bedroom, Perrie starts pulling at the hem of Louis' sweater. She tugs it up and over Louis' head, letting her eyes roam across Louis' bare skin as soon as it's exposed. He pulls her back to him, kissing her as he slips his hands under her shirt.</p>
<p>"Your turn," he murmurs against her mouth before he does the same to her.</p>
<p>Perrie laughs, sounding like absolute magic to Louis' ears as they tumble down onto the bed. She climbs on top of him and they both moan into each other's mouths at the sudden pressure between their hips.</p>
<p>Louis is suddenly made <em>very</em> aware of how long it's been since he's been with anyone. His hips jerk involuntarily upwards and he gasps, breaking away from Perrie for a moment and trying not to immediately come in his pants.</p>
<p>"Alright?" Perrie asks, a breathy chuckle following as she stares down at Louis with a sparkle in her eyes. Despite the aching between his legs, he's more preoccupied with his heart. There's absolutely no mistaking it - he's painfully in love with her.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he says. He cups her face and kisses her gently, running his hands through her hair as they both smile. "Just… been a while," he admits sheepishly.</p>
<p>"I know," she whispers. "Me too." She sits upright, putting most of her weight on Louis' thighs and giving him a small break. "Maybe we should take it slow?"</p>
<p>"Maybe," Louis echoes as he sits up, circling his arms around her waist. He can't resist pressing a few kisses against Perrie's chest, mostly along the curve of her breast that's left uncovered by her bra.</p>
<p>"Something tells me you're not entirely on board with that plan," she says, her laughter turning into a breathy moan as Louis presses one of his palms over her breast.</p>
<p>"Can't help meself," he whispers in her ear, grinning as she shivers. Presumably as payback, Perrie twists her fingers into the hair on the back of Louis' head and pulls it backwards so that his mouth is no longer attached to her neck.</p>
<p>"I think someone might need a cold shower," she says, carefully letting go of his hair and tapping his nose with her pointer finger on her other hand. Louis frowns a little but doesn't argue when she slides off of his lap.</p>
<p>To say he isn't disappointed in this turn of events is a blatant lie; he's probably going to have a full-on strop about it once Perrie leaves the room.</p>
<p>Only… she's looking at him like maybe she didn't entirely mean it. Louis watches carefully as she carefully walks backwards towards his ensuite, keeping her eyes on him the whole time.</p>
<p>When she reaches the door she turns her back to him and unhooks the clasp of her bra, letting it fall to the floor as she glances back over her shoulder.</p>
<p>"Join me?" she says, hardly a question at all.</p>
<p>Louis doesn't have to say a word; he scrambles off the bed so fast it's a miracle he doesn't trip over his own two feet and fall flat on his face.</p>
<p>*</p>
<p>There's an odd noise coming from somewhere that's disturbing Louis' sleep. As he slowly regains consciousness, he realizes he doesn't remember falling asleep at all and he's a little surprised at his surroundings when he opens his eyes.</p>
<p>It all comes back in a flash - him and Perrie in the kitchen, then in the bedroom, in the <em>shower</em>, and now… back in Louis' bed. When the noise happens again, Louis recognizes it immediately. It's not just any noise - it's Freddie's voice asking where they are.</p>
<p>"Fred?" he calls out as he reaches for his phone on the bedside table, seeing that it is indeed past five o'clock. He looks back to the bed, where Perrie is stirring next to him, looking about as confused as he felt thirty seconds ago.</p>
<p>He hears the pounding of Freddie's footsteps up the stairs and within a few seconds Freddie is standing in the doorway. Louis is overwhelmingly glad in that moment that both he and Perrie are fully clothed, because he hadn't taken that into consideration when he called Freddie's name before.</p>
<p>"What're you doing?" Freddie asks. He's still in his coat and shoes, and the look on his face is a mix of confusion and something else that Louis can't quite identify.</p>
<p>"We were… uhh…" Louis stumbles over his words, but Perrie sits up and holds out her arms towards Freddie, who immediately comes running over to the bed and climbs up onto it to get to her.</p>
<p>"Just taking a little nap," she says, wrapping her arms tight around Freddie and rocking him back and forth a bit. "Did you have fun with George?"</p>
<p>"Yeah!" Freddie crows. From one second to the next, his demeanor changes. Instead of going into a spiel about everything he did with his friend George, Freddie looks downright upset.</p>
<p>"What's wrong, Fred? Did something happen?"</p>
<p>"How come you were napping together?" he asks, his bottom lip pulled down in a pout. A few seconds pass and both Louis and Perrie probably have the same mini heart attack before Freddie speaks again. "And without me?"</p>
<p>"Oh, Freddie," Louis says softly. He gently pulls Freddie out of Perrie's arms and puts him between them so they can both give him a cuddle. "Is that what's bothering you? That we don't have naps together anymore?"</p>
<p>Freddie nods, rubbing his head against Louis' arm as he hides his face. Perrie coos and rubs his back, sharing a look of sympathy with Louis over Freddie's head.</p>
<p>"You're a big boy now," Perrie says, doing her best to explain it gently, "you don't really take naps anymore."</p>
<p>"But you do, and you did it without me!!" Freddie wails. "And George's mum and dad…" The rest of his words are muffled by Louis' shirt as Freddie presses his face against it.</p>
<p>"What about George's mum and dad?" Louis asks as he tries to get Freddie to sit up properly.</p>
<p>"They cuddle all the time," he answers grumpily. "They even cuddled outside last weekend!"</p>
<p>"They… cuddled…" Louis tries in vain to understand what Freddie's telling him, but his mind just goes around in circles.</p>
<p>"Do… do you mean they all slept outside?" Perrie asks. "Like camping?"</p>
<p>"Yeah! They had a tent and a big sleeping bag and everything!" Freddie tilts his head backwards to look up at Louis. "How come we don't do that?"</p>
<p>Louis chuckles a little and pets Freddie's head fondly. "We can go camping if you want to, Fred. I reckon we could get a tent for the garden."</p>
<p>"Really?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, promise."</p>
<p>"Tonight?" Freddie asks, and the hope in his eyes does Louis' head in.</p>
<p>"It's… uhh… a little short notice, Fred…" Louis sighs as Freddie keeps staring him down, "but we could try."</p>
<p>Simply by saying they could try, Louis cemented their plans for the evening. Within two hours, he had somehow managed to accumulate not only a tent and sleeping bags, but also supplies for s'mores and takeaway from McDonald's (just because).</p>
<p>They eat their burgers while sitting on their rolled out sleeping bags, constantly fending off pilfering attacks made by Hatchi and Clifford, meanwhile the tent sits nearby in bits and pieces. Louis had barely tried putting it together before getting frustrated, and Perrie suggested that maybe he just needed a bite to eat first.</p>
<p>Freddie is already incandescently happy about just having a sleeping bag on the grass outside, he doesn't particularly care one way or the other if Louis actually manages to assemble the tent or not. Perrie had helped him pick out a set of pajamas for the night while Louis was out getting supplies, though he had to wear a jacket over them because it was still fairly chilly outside.</p>
<p>While Louis attempts to put the tent together (with Clifford hanging around for moral support), Perrie and Freddie get to work on making s'mores for the three of them. They use a small fire pit, and Perrie has to watch Freddie's every move to ensure that one, he doesn't eat all of the chocolate and marshmallows and two, he doesn't accidentally hurt himself. Hatchi, though he's extremely curious about what they're doing, stays away from the fire pit and only barks once in a while as though he's making sure they know he's still there.</p>
<p>Somehow, they all manage to make it through their tasks with no injuries or issues to speak of (minus a few curse words here and there that Louis mutters under his breath while building the tent). Perrie ushers the dogs back inside after Clifford tries climbing on top of the tent, much to Freddie's dismay. He'd wanted them to come into the tent too but Louis quickly squashed that idea, telling Freddie maybe next time when they don't have s'mores.</p>
<p>"This is nice," Louis admits aloud a while later. The three of them are laying on their backs inside the tent, staring up at the sky through the see-through patch on the roof of the tent. Louis sprung for the extra-big and fancy tent specifically for reasons like this (and because the salesperson had managed to up-sell him fairly easily).</p>
<p>"It is," Perrie echoes, "even with this menace between us," she says as she rolls over and starts tickling Freddie. Having devoured all of his s'mores in quick succession, Freddie's practically vibrating from all the sugar.</p>
<p>He laughs uproariously as Perrie tickles him, thrashing all around between them. Louis watches them silently for a minute or two, his heart filled with unconditional love for both of them. This is the sort of thing families do and it feels so absolutely perfect.</p>
<p>They've always been a family, really. They'd just never put a label on it before.</p>
<p>"Alright, that's enough," Louis says as he rolls over, practically squashing Freddie onto his sleeping bag.</p>
<p>"Dad!!" Freddie shouts, still laughing. "You're squishing me!!"</p>
<p>"Am I? Hmm, how odd. I thought you were a marshmallow."</p>
<p>"No!!" Freddie squeals.</p>
<p>"Are you sure?" Louis rolls off of him and starts poking Freddie in the belly. "You feel like one to me. What do you think, Pez?"</p>
<p>"Certainly feels like a marshmallow," she says as she starts doing the same. Freddie continues to giggle madly as he wiggles around, dodging their hands.</p>
<p>Eventually the excitement winds down and the trio lay peacefully under the stars. Freddie's the first to fall asleep among them, and when Louis realizes this he also suddenly notices how bloody cold it still gets at night. He glances over at Perrie, relieved to see that she's still awake as well.</p>
<p>"Hey," she says upon noticing he's looking at her.</p>
<p>"Hey," he replies with a smile. "It's a bit cold out here, don't you think?"</p>
<p>Perrie laughs softly and shivers as she turns on her side to face Louis. "A bit, yeah."</p>
<p>"Reckon we should take him inside?"</p>
<p>"Probably should," Perrie replies. She carefully brushes Freddie's hair off his forehead, smiling as he shifts gently in his sleep. "D'you want to put him to bed and I'll tidy this up?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis says as he pulls himself up. It takes a bit of maneuvering to get out of the tent without waking up Freddie, but somehow they manage. "Back in a tick," he says to Perrie before heading into the house.</p>
<p>It's easy enough to get Freddie upstairs and into his bed. Louis carefully removes his jacket before tucking him in under the covers. Clifford is already curled up at the foot of Freddie's bed, just like always. Louis doesn't see Hatchi on his way back downstairs, but sure enough he's back in the garden with Perrie when Louis returns.</p>
<p>He finds her still in the tent, laying on her back and looking up at the stars. She laughs sheepishly as he climbs back in and lays down next to her.</p>
<p>"Sorry, I meant to get up," she says.</p>
<p>"It's alright." Louis puts his arm around her and she curls into his side. Hatchi takes a lap around them before settling in right near Louis' head, tickling him with his fur. Louis groans a little and tries to push Hatchi away, but all he gets is a little nip at his fingers followed by a lot of licks and nuzzling. "Traded one menace for another," he mumbles under his breath.</p>
<p>Perrie chuckles under her breath. She draws Louis' attention back to her by hugging him a little closer to her, and he softens.</p>
<p>"What's up?"</p>
<p>"Are we mad for doing this?" she asks quietly.</p>
<p>"What, the tent?" Louis asks, looking up at the roof. "It might rain, but I don't--"</p>
<p>"No," Perrie says, pinching Louis' belly, "you numpty. I meant…"</p>
<p>She gestures to the both of them and a light bulb clicks on in Louis' head.</p>
<p>"Oh. You mean… us."</p>
<p>"Yeah." Perrie's breath wavers. "I just… I was thinking about it. I really don't want to screw anything up, and what we've had all this time is good so I just…"</p>
<p>"What?"</p>
<p>Perrie tilts her head back to look Louis in the eye. "I love Freddie, you know that."</p>
<p>"Of course."</p>
<p>"But…" Perrie inhales deeply and her eyes fill with tears, "I'm not his mum. At the end of the day, you're his dad and you decide who gets to be in his life and what's best for him and I don't."</p>
<p>"Pez," Louis says softly, "where's all this coming from?"</p>
<p>"It's the truth, innit? What if something were to happen between us and it went wrong and then I'm not a part of Freddie's life anymore and he--"</p>
<p>"Hey," Louis interrupts, turning on his side so he can hold Perrie tightly as she starts to cry. "Don't cry, love, please."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Perrie says. Louis kisses her and wipes a tear from her cheek.</p>
<p>"You've got nothing to be sorry for. You absolutely have a say in Freddie's life too, y'know. You've been here from the beginning.</p>
<p>"But--"</p>
<p>"No buts," Louis says firmly. "As far as I'm concerned, you <em>are</em> Freddie's mum."</p>
<p>There's a moment of silence where they just look at each other, and suddenly Louis gets very nervous.</p>
<p>"I mean… if you want to be. No pressure, or anything."</p>
<p>Perrie laughs, still crying a little as she kisses him. "You mean it?"</p>
<p>"Of course I do. If I'm honest, I've been thinking that for ages."</p>
<p>Perrie laughs again. "You've been holding out a lot on me, haven't you?"</p>
<p>"I'm a very complicated person," Louis says with a laugh. He kisses Perrie again and presses his hand to her cheek. "I mean it, Pez. We've made it this far, haven't we? I know we can't tell what's going to happen, but that's got to count for something."</p>
<p>"Yeah," she says as she nods her head, "you're right. This - us - feels right. We've had ages to fuck it up, haven't we?"</p>
<p>"Yeah," Louis laughs. "If anyone fucks it up, it'd probably be me."</p>
<p>Perrie rolls her eyes. "We were having a nice moment, Louis."</p>
<p>"Sorry, sorry." He kisses her again and she smiles at him.</p>
<p>"This really means a lot to me, y'know. You, Freddie, everything."</p>
<p>Louis takes a moment and slips his hand into hers, interlocking their fingers as he brings her hand up to his mouth for a kiss.</p>
<p>"It means everything to me." He presses his forehead against Perrie's and sighs softly. "And, for what it's worth, if I had to pick someone to be Freddie's mum, it'd be you. Every time."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Six months pass and everything is perfect.</p>
<p>Well, maybe not <em>perfect</em>. Life is unpredictable as ever, but things between Louis and Perrie are even better than Louis had thought possible.</p>
<p>They'd had a talk with Freddie shortly after they'd privately decided to make things official, even though at six and a half he didn't entirely understand everything they were saying. His only real question was whether they could get ice cream that afternoon. Louis and Perrie both laughed and said yes.</p>
<p>Their families were rightfully thrilled when they heard the news, and Louis endured a number of <em>I told you so</em>'s from not only his mum and sisters but the lads as well. The middle finger emoji was at the top of his most used list for weeks on end.</p>
<p>The public, on the other hand, was still mostly in the dark. As far as they were concerned, Louis and Perrie's relationship hadn't changed one bit. They were very rarely papped together, and on the off chance it did happen they were usually out with Freddie and kept things extremely PG.</p>
<p>Until Halloween rolls around, that is.</p>
<p>Perrie has a tradition of going all out on her costumes for Halloween. Louis knows this all too well, given the number of times he'd watched her leave the house all dolled up while he stayed home with Freddie. She'd always planned parties outside of their house for Freddie's sake, but this year was different for a number of reasons.</p>
<p>"What d'you think about having a party for Halloween?" Perrie asks one lazy afternoon. Freddie's in the other room cuddling with Clifford as they watch the latest Pixar film on streaming.</p>
<p>"What sort of party?" Louis asks, glancing at Perrie out of the corner of his eye as he pours hot water into a mug.</p>
<p>"A fancy dress one, obviously."</p>
<p>"<em>Obviously</em>," Louis echoes, chuckling as he takes his mug in hand and rests back against the counter. Perrie slides in next to him, smiling sweetly as if Louis was ever going to say anything other than yes.</p>
<p>"I thought it might be fun to include you two this year," Perrie says, resting her hand on top of Louis' shoulder. "Freddie's been talking about who he wants to be, y'know."</p>
<p>"I do know," Louis replies. "I might be steering him towards something in particular."</p>
<p>"Oh, really?" Perrie leans in closer. "What might that be?"</p>
<p>Louis looks down at his mug as he carefully places it back on the counter and then turns to put his arms around Perrie.</p>
<p>"Something of a family costume," he says vaguely, grinning as he leans in for a kiss.</p>
<p>As it turns out, Louis is just as devoted to elaborate costumes as Perrie is. His own costume is something he's had for a good long while, but it takes a bit of effort in getting Perrie's and Freddie's specially made for the two of them.</p>
<p>On Halloween night, their guests are delighted to see the three of them all dressed up. Freddie is in a full Spider-Man outfit, complete with form-fitting headpiece. Louis and Perrie are Tony Stark and Pepper Potts, respectively, though Louis went the extra mile and got Perrie a full armored suit to match his Iron Man one.</p>
<p>A little outdated, perhaps, but well-received nevertheless. Freddie delights in running around the party pretending to shoot webs at all the guests. According to him, it's the best Halloween he's ever had.</p>
<p>But the real treat happens at the end of the night, long after Freddie's fallen asleep. Louis and Perrie are lying in bed together scrolling through the photos of the party on Perrie's phone. She pauses on one of the three of them, laughing at Freddie's classic Spider-Man pose.</p>
<p>"Will you send me that one?" Louis asks as he reaches for his phone on the bedside table.</p>
<p>"Of course," Perrie replies as she does just that. She watches as Louis downloads it onto his own phone, but grows curious as he opens up Instagram. "What're you doing?" She asks as she rolls onto her side towards him.</p>
<p>Louis looks at her, kissing her forehead and then her lips. "Time to make it official, yeah?"</p>
<p>Perrie beams. "Yeah?"</p>
<p>Louis smiles and kisses her again. Two minutes later, he posts the photo of the three of them with the caption, <em>our super family x.</em></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>
  <a href="http://astorytotellyourfriends.tumblr.com">my tumblr</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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